Posted on 01/22/2006 9:30:38 PM PST by hsmomx3
The hussy.
But seriesly:
< /marty'sadviceforthelovelorn >
Ipecac for the eyes!
I am willing to bet he has already talked to a lawyer and was advised to not leave the house or he would never get it back. I am so sorry for you and the children, prayers for you all. You need to talk to a lawyer ASAP, I know there are many on FR, maybe they could give you some advice on the matter, but don't wait too long to act.
Depending on how you look at it,this guy is either in desperate need of redemption or he has become (or always was,perhaps) a basically worthless guy.
I've always been of the opinion that God allows one to defend him/herself (or their kids)when faced with potential harm at the hands of another,husbands included.
From what you describe,my humble opinion is that you focus on defending yourself,both in and out of court,from the harm that he seems "hell-bent" on inflicting upon you and your kids.
And for whatever it's worth,I'm a guy...one of many guys who recognizes that the rules (both God's and man's) apply in all areas of life,particularly the ones that are connected to a man's treatment of his wife and kids.
and do not move out of the house. if he wants to go, let him go. but you and your kids should stay right there and you do need to find a lawyer. a Christian lawyer would be excellent, but it is more important that you find an experienced and hard-nosed one. do not let him denigrate you, he is the wrong-doer here, obviously.
On a completely practical note, please be very careful. He doesn't sound particularly stable.
Prayers for you and your children.
In about the same situation myself. You sound just like I do. Unsure of yourself, sadness over the loss for you and your children, fear of "going it alone", You go ahead and work through the stages of grief that this will bring hsmomx3, but lawyer up, and now!
Prayers up here for you and your children, hsmomx3. I pray for wisdom for you, for clearness of mind, for guidance, and also for God's protection over you and your children spiritually, emotionally, physically - in every way. I also pray for your husband that he will come to his senses and choose to do what is right. And I pray for his mistress that she, too, would be convicted of her wrongdoing and repent.
My heart aches for you, and I pray that God will give you truckloads of grace for today and each day ahead. Just remember, one day at a time. You can't make all the decisions at once. Just what needs to be made today. Part of the difficulty is the uncertainty. Place it in God's hands to carry it for you.
I just had this fight with my son. I begged him to get a lawyer and he almost lost his kids because he didn't believe he needed one. I'm just breathing a sigh of relief that he did get one in time.
Prayers up for you and your family also, moviegirl. May God give you strength and wisdom and peace of mind and heart.
I've only breezed through most of the posts, but did not hsee the question. Do you still LOVE your husband?
For better or worse, this is one of the worst times, right? men do not have the same emotional quotient of women, there are lines to read between.
If you still love, and want him, there is a solution.
Because he's been to a divorce lawyer already. Possession is 9/10 of the law may be a trite expression, but in divorce cases, it's often the truth. He wants the house, so he doesn't want to leave.
Forget about finding a Christian divorce attorney, and just get yourself a divorce attorney who comes well recommended.
You need to be rid of him. If your children are daughters, it does them no good to see you an adult woman they look to as a role model - suffering at the hands of a man this way. If your children are sons, it does them no good to think the way their father is treating you is an acceptable way to treat women.
Likely, you will have to get a paying job, and your children will have to go to a traditional school. The sooner you and your children can accept your new life, the sooner your recovery can begin. There's no question that your children were better off being homeschooled when they had the support of their father. They no longer have that.
I am so sorry. You and your children will be in our prayers.
I would also suggest seeing your pastor. If, as might happen, your pastor somehow condones your husband's actions, find another church.
Get a lawyer with integrity. Ask people you know for recommendations. If he's not Christian, you can pray for him. Tell the lawyer you still hope to save your marriage, but ask how to protect yourself in light of your husband's actions, and the possibility that he will divorce you.
You need a lawyer to protect your financial interests, and most importantly, your children's financial interests and the roof over their heads. It sounds like you might lose your home if your husband doesn't pay the mortgage.
You might try a for legal separation, with support, and your husband out of the house. It is possible a judicial order might snap some sense into him.
If your husband doesn't have his own business, why hasn't he been fired? If he does have his own business, that's another asset that needs protecting.
You have my sympathy and prayers.
I am sorry I don't know of any attorneys since I'm in Ohio but please accept my heartfelt prayers for your strength in this situation.
As others have said, God has nothing to do with this situation insofar as people are acting on their own fleshly desires. God hates divorce. That is a fact. However, he also forgives.
Blessings.
Freepmail....
A lot of good advice on this thread, I can't add to it except to bump this thread and say that you are in my prayers. Hang in there, dear.
Such as?
The solution, in this case, can only come from the cheating scum. Even if he were to do a 180, I'd be hesitant to take him back. At the very least, he'd have to agree to some major counselling and a full medical workup.
hs, get thee to a lawyer, and fast. Don't concern yourself overly with how moral a lawyer is: You must consider, before all else, your own needs and the needs of your children. You need a pitbull for legalities and a pastor for emotional support. I strongly disagree with the advice someone posted with regard to your checking up on his movements. You are going to want to document his infidelity to hell and back. Start some lists of potential witnesses who can be called to give evidence of his cheating at the evidentiary stage of the divorce, if it ever comes to that. Keep phone records, bank records, anything which can be remotely tied to his affair. Don't wait, don't trust it to memory.
DO NOT take your kids and go to live with relatives. If need be, find a relative to come live with you. Let him be the one to abandon. That seems to be his intention, but he seems to think he can have it both ways.
Sorry if I'm coming off as one who is quick to endorse the idea of ending a marriage, but I find you husband's actions and attitude truly and frankly shocking. I will never understand how a person, man or woman, can do this to their spouse and children.
Don't get a job. You have one, dear, and it is the most important job one can have.
When you do speak to a lawyer, find out what the laws are in your state regarding the role of the mistress in the affair. She may be open to a civil suit. She certainly has it coming to her.
One of the hardest things you are going to have to do, I suppose, is to decide if your marriage is truly over. Is there anything your spouse can do to make things right? If there is not, and you get to the point where you are certain of the finality of the situation, you must realize that this is so much more than the end of a relationship. In many ways it is a death, and you and your children will mourn as such. Again, I must say, I will never, ever understand how one can do this to a person that they have loved and built a life with! I'll never get it, nor do I want to understand such reprehensible actions.
My prayers are with you and your family. NEVER hesitate to reach out to your fellow FReepers for support.
I'd throw his clothes on the front lawn and change the locks. Not sure why you would want him back, but the bimbo isn't going to want to support you and three kids.
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