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To: NicknamedBob; Darkchylde; EsmeraldaA; Darksheare
I have treated the Undead Thread as my personal writing thread. Others have contributed also. You are welcome to try your hand.

I have here a battle scene from the first chapter in my nove. The first character to be introduced is in this scene too. The dropship pilot Sandra Gold. Just incase you'rewondering, a Q-ship is a warship disguided as something more innocent lookin, like cargo ship in this case.

Battle scene from Chapter 1.

"Good morning Dina. I wish the circumstances were a bit more pleasant." She said as she powered up the ship; Dina was her name for the ship, it was a Hebrew feminine name that meant judgement.

"All systems ready." A feminine computer voice said over the speakers.

Sandra was not surprised. Since New Washington had been vaporized at 2350 hours local time, all ships not under maintenance or repair were kept at a five-minute readiness state and fully armed. Another very bright double flash hit. The ship's aluminum-oxynitride windows were designed to automatically filter out nuke flash and laser light. The signaling woman gave her the clear to move. Sandra immediately did so. The woman guided her out of the parking slot and gave her the all clear to move out. Normally no pilot was allowed more than five percent throttle while taxiing out of the hangar. When the base was under attack this rule was automatically wavered. Sandra throttled up to twenty percent and darted out of the bay and onto the tarmac where she immediately directed the engine thrust downward and maxed out her throttle. With no vehicle load adnd only weapons, the dropship darted upward very fast. She leveled out at two hundred kilometers per hour and then headed upward at about a seventy-degree angle. She saw other ships, an equal mix of dropships, fighters and strikeships also evacuating the space port. More nuke flashes came as the q-ships continued their nuclear bombardment.

"All units. Assume formation echo." A voice said over the communications channel.

"Understood Red Lead." Sandra replied.

Sandra and the other plilots assumed a three-dimensional diamond formation. She risked a look skyward. She could make out the Q-ships battling the few Colonial Federation Navy ships that were stationed at Earth and Luna. She saw the distinctive blue-white bolts of the Colonial Federation's plasma cannons firing at the false cargo ships which were firing greenish beams back at the C.F. ships. They were also shooting missiles at each other as well as kinetic weapons.

Her proximity alarm blared.

"Sh*t!" She shouted.

She looked upward about fifteen degrees and saw a literal rain of fire as the fiery remains of a Q-ship and several skyscraper-sized fragments of other Q-ships rain down toward her. She and all the other ships broke off to avoid the flaming debris that was headed straight at almost the same trajectory they were but in the opposite direction. She weaved her way through them as they sped by at several kilometers per second, leaving smoke trails behind them. They hit the water several kilometers below them a few minutes later. In an instant after that. The impacts vaporized the water, forming huge steam explosions which in turn formed several atmospheric shockwaves and small tsunamis. More fragments rained down in the distance while above her she could see the meteoritic streaks of light as other debris began to enter Earth's atmosphere. The ships in orbit began to take on ever greater detail. The Natalya Bat-Tziyon and its strike group were also making their first entrance to the battle and were already launching fighters and strikeships while the signature forms of destroyers, missile frigates and plasma-cannon frigates assaulted the formation of Q-ships.

"Red Leader. We are to use the Bat-Tziyon strike group as cover and then enter the battle by passing through their formation." Red leader said.

"Understood." Sandra replied.

Red Leader's Katar fighter swooped under the massive carrier, coming within mere meters of its ventral surface. Sandra and the others did the same. As they got clear of the ship's bow they pushed their engines to full.

She approached a few Colonial Federation plasma cannon frigates which were guarding the Bat-Tziyon and flanked by a pair of guided missile frigates. They were also charging at the Q-ship formation. Five of the Q-ships suicidally charged toward the Bat-Tziyon and started launching missiles. Missiles came from behind her, no doubt from the Bat-Tziyon‘s group, and destroyed most of the incoming missiles. As Sandra was about to lock onto the lead Q-ship, the plasma cannon frigates opened fire with their main axial cannons. Three lances lance of super-heated bluish-white metal vapor lept out at a significant percentage of the speed of light and hit the lead Q-ships, causing them to silently explode into a rapidly expanding bluish-white ion cloud and several large fragments and fiery incandescent shrapnel which flew out in every which direction, leaving blue-gray smoke trails. Sandra weaved around those fragments. The remaining two Q-ships tried to break off but also exploded or fragmented in rapid succession from attacks by the Cestus strikeships in the group. The enemy fleet was no longer attacking the surface: they were being utterly annihilated without a single loss from the Colonial Federation side so far.

As they cleared the wreckage she locked onto the next Q-ship and fired.

"Magnum one!" She shouted the code word for launching the anti-ship missile.

Others shouted the same code word as they launched their missiles while Katars had just met the enemy's modest amount of Commonwealth fighters that the Colonial Federation designated Wraiths. The Wraiths were several tens kilometers ahead of her. C.F. and Commonwealth ships traded white plasma and purple tracer fire in the distance. Some ships exploded. The SSGM-40 Peten nuclear anti-ship missile that she launched did its best to weave through the anti-missile fire. It got nicked by an enemy anti-missile missile and jammed the thrust vectoring panels.

"Dammit!!!" She shouted.

Sandra launched her second missile.

"Magnum one!"

Just then a couple of Wraith fighters charged at her. She switched to her FIM-22 Yellowjacket missiles and shouted and fired once she heard the growling tone that the missile's seeker was active.

"Fox two!" She shouted the code word for launching the main anti-fighter missile.

One of the fighters broke off. The second one launched its own missile at her. The chaff and flares automatically deployed and, along with Sandra's maneuvering, caused the missile to overshoot her. The Yellowjacket missile hit and caused the enemy fighter to silently explode into a cloud of fragments and flash-frozen body parts that still maintained their momentum toward her. She weaved through the wreckage. The other fighter tried to come around but was hit by a Katar's missile.

"HAHA! Splash One!" its pilot shouted.

She looked ahead and saw that the Q-ship that she targeted was drifting, damaged and on fire with the flames being fed briefly by the venting atmosphere. Her missle was duped by a decoy and only managed a near-surface detonation against the kilometer-long Q-ship's hull. With no atmoshere to form a shockwave, the damage by the Peten's five kiloton nuclear warhead was not fatal unless it penetrated or at least contacted the hull.

The flames would go out in less than a minute as the damaged sections were isolated to prevent further decompression. A salvage corvette was already headed to seize the damaged ship.

"Splash one." She said disapprovingly.

She had hoped that she would score a completely fatal hit for the hundreds of thousands of civilians and troops that died this morning. But at least valuable intelligence would be obtained from the ship's computers and perhaps the ship itself would be used to play Commonwealth at its own game by making it look as if its crew had returned.

7,314 posted on 11/20/2005 4:10:33 PM PST by Paul_Denton (The U.S. should adopt the policy of Oom Shmoom: Israeli policy where no one gives a sh*t about U.N.)
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To: Paul_Denton
Not bad.

Did you use the "spell" function as I had suggested? I counted two spelling errors and four grammatical entanglements.

Obviously an action scene. They can be fun to write, and exciting to read, but it helps to have an emotional attachment first.

I think it's obvious you have a vivid and three-dimensional imagination. That will help you.

Here's a comparable scene from my published book.

Barbara sat down at a communications console and started finding a connection to her nemesis of earlier in the day, Phoebe Atkins. Long frustrating minutes passed, as Barbara struggled with the haphazard patches, busy traffic, and reluctant bureaucrats in her way. Finally she again reached a point of impasse, but this time she was not attempting to be pleasant.

“Tell the Director that if she doesn’t speak to me right now, I’m going to open a new door into her office!” Barbara said forcefully.

The quaking functionary on the other end said, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. The Director has given strict orders to not be disturbed.”

Barbara relaxed, took a deep breath, and said, “All right, just hold on a moment. Do not disconnect. I’ll do the disturbing myself.” Looking over to one of her associates, Barbara gave concise instructions.

Miles away, one of the Sabots, which had been escorting and protecting the lumbering heavy lifter, which was now doing duty as an airborne aircraft carrier, peeled off and began streaking for the capital city. Carefully counting for the appropriate floor, the pilot, for one thousand extra game credits, was carefully lining up the optimum direction for his shot. With a brilliant burst of blue laser energy, a two-meter circle of the corner office of the Global Defense Director was vaporized. After the single two-second shot, the Sabot veered upward to join its circling companions.

Receiving the report, Barbara turned back to the console, “Now put me through.”

Barbara found herself looking at an image of a grim and haggard looking woman. Actually, she didn’t look much worse than she had before, but she hadn’t been pleasant to look at then. Behind the woman, Daylight and air currents were disturbing her office, and her composure.

“I could have made that hole a little bigger, but I didn’t get the name of your second in command yet.” Barbara said offhandedly.

“What do you want?” the woman glared at her, the hatred pouring from her eyes like a visible substance.

“I’m glad you’re willing to listen, now. I’ve prepared a little list. You will record this, won’t you? First on the list, restore our communications links, both ground and satellite. Second, call back your military forces and order a stand down of all action. We don’t require any assistance with the ‘natural disaster’ that didn’t quite happen....

7,361 posted on 11/20/2005 5:52:03 PM PST by NicknamedBob (If I were not a husband and father, I might be wealthier, but I wouldn't be richer.)
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