Posted on 10/01/2005 7:36:14 AM PDT by teldon30
You have just set back the "we are not that shallow" contingent of Freeperettes several generations.
Nothing wrong with what you suggest should never happen.
"Man's reach should exceed his grasp; else what's a heaven for?"
Of course, that approach is fraught with disapointments, but we need not get into that.
Have you been drinking?
Nope.
Stone cold sober.
Back in my dating days, a friend had set me up with a blind date (I have an outrageous schedule now and did then as well), who started with a Bud and a double of Jack Daniel's back (what a boilermaker!) and proceeded to drink through the rest of the twenty as I drank my Coke.
This was in the days when a twenty would buy a couple of cases of beer.
She also went through a half-dozen personalities (replete with different postures, accents, etc.) in the time it took to shoot a couple of games of 8-ball.
I figured that either she was a gifted actress or off her meds.
The latter seemed most likely.
I detoured her away from the bar, through dinner and gently wrapped things up and took her home--to her place--and got out of there as fast as I could.
I still refer to that date as my "Night out with Sibyl".
There were other dates as bad or worse, and I would agree that dating is tough, not just because you are dealing with all the ghosts of the 'last time', but because the people you are dealing with probably are, too.
Keep heart, diamonds are often found in mud.
If I were to compile the experiences, written in a less dry format, I would entitle them "Notes from the Wasteland--Dating after Divorce" or some thing pretty close to that.
Keep in mind, too that the objective was never to not pay for the date, but when a woman offers to buy a round of drinks it says something about her, whether that be an assertion of independance (financial or spiritual), a desire to not feel beholden to anyone, or just a friendly sense of partnership. If a guy accepts that offer, more than once in a while (too often--no hard and fast rules here either way), it might say a few things about him, too (sponge, lush, etc.).
Thankfully, I am now happily married--to a fine lady who had been a good friend for years--and still is my best friend.
There was none of the normal dating pretension--we had known each other for a long time, through thick and thin, ao no one was 'doing sales' and we could both relax.
It is a rich and rewarding marriage, where we both have diferent talents and compliment one another. We even think differently--she is intuitive, I analyze and deduct, but we almost always come up with the same answers. If not, we check our figuring. We have the same priorities, but we do not always agree. When we do not, we find a calm and civil way to work things out because we respect each other. Underlying that, and perhaps most important, we have an abiding faith in God, who will never hand you a problem without handing you the means to solve it, even though you may not immediately realize those means exist. The directions are there, some assembly required..
And it takes work at times, too. When you get a new car it smell new, is shiny, runs great. If you don't maintain it, it falls apart pretty fast. A marriage is much the same. Keep it clean inside and out, don't pick up strangers, change your oil regularly, and don't forget to get your chassis lubed at regular intervals...even the maintenance programs have parallels.
Most of all, some patience is required. You don't grow grocery shopping when you are hungry, be extra careful of starting a relationship just because you are lonely. Either way you can end up with a bunch of stuff you do not want. If you are not happy with yourself, you won't be happy with anyone else, so spend some time on you first.
Sorry to run on, but I think people misread what the 'test' was all about.
Not money, but attitudes, towards others, and towards themselves. It is easy for someone who is not really honest with themselves to say one thing, and even believe it, while doing another: actions speak loudest.
While this may seem crass to some, I make no claim to being perfect either, not now, and especially not then (I like to think I've improved over the years), but expect that women have their criteria and little 'tests' as well; the modern equivalent of the damsel dropping her handkerchief...
*
After are lifetime of watching the marriages of friends, family and acquaintances fail--there are some common follies.
There are many witches from hell out there. But the worst marriages I have seen, the ones to fall apart the quickest--were the ones where the man married a waistline. For every witch, there's a man who must marry that witch's waistline. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've been assured by many men that this is most natural and desireable.
These are the guys who assure me that "gals don't do for nice guys." What they mean is that they can't see the nice gals who don't have the right physical attributes, but the witches who have the right ones won't give them the attention a nice guy deserves.
Frankly, the golddigging woman seems to have better sense than the guy who only wants a hip-to-waist ratio...
LMAO!
Don't they mean "Hoping to venture into [a] dark abyss"? ;-P
I have no idea. Why are you not surprised? Are you being snide? If so, why? I have done nothing to you.
Now why would you think that he was 600 miles away? Are you assuming that she was silly enough to call someone that far away to help her when she needed immediate assistance?
I beg your pardon? You assume too much, sir. I have never tried to change anyone. I have been unfortunate to meet some men who think that they can change me. One said he wanted to "tame" me and that I needed a "keeper." I could not run fast enough. I am not some wild animal.
I would never attempt to change anyone else. Why would I want to do such a thing? If I was attracted to a man and in love with him, why would I want to change the very person and the things about him that attracted me in the first place?
How about we induct you into the Ebeneezer Scrooge Society?
For the life of me I can't figure out why you are trying to annoy me.
On this dating stuff, I haven't had much success. I approach women and use my best Barry White voice but it just doesn't seem to work. It may be the Al Jolson face makeup I wear to get the true Barry White effect or it could also the fact that my wife hits me every time try it.
A. Barry White's voice is VERY creepy to me.
B. Al Jolson is even creepier.
C. Your wife knows this and that's why she hits you.
Silly boy. Use your best Al Jolson voice, Barry White makeup and your wife will stop hitting you & women will be throwing themselves at you. It's guaranteed!
Touche' but what happens when this is not the reasoning in divorce? You can plan a romantic week end and try to look and screw like you were 16. When it is gone it is gone.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.