Texas Grand Jury Indicts Ham Sandwich, But Charges Don’t Pass Mustard

HR's Fertile and Twisted Mind | HR

[hispanarepublicana]

AUSTIN (AP) - A Texas grand jury on Wednesday indicted a ham sandwich and two side dishes on charges of conspiracy in a blue plate special scheme, forcing the featured menu item to temporarily relinquish its relished post despite the fact that the charges mayo or mayo not stick.

"I have done nothing wrong. ... Olive us are innocent, just lettuce prove it," the sandwich told a Capitol Hill news conference during which he criticized the Texas prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, repeatedly. The sandwich said the charges amounted to "a bunch of baloney."

With a rye expression, Earle told reporters, "Our job is to prosecute abuses of power and to bring those abuses to the public." He has noted previously that he has prosecuted many hoagies and po’boys in the past.

Chefs at the Capitol Grille selected tuna salad with Cool Whip - No. 3 in the menu favorites ranks – as a temporary sandwich filling.

Other menu items expressed their backing for the ham sandwich, the first daily special to be indicted in at least a century.

A visiting Italian official also expressed confidence. "I cannelloni say that he’s got a tough crust, and he can take it. He will fight this and soon it’ll all be a thing of the past-a," said Minister Oni, the soup of the day.

The ham sandwich said he was certain the indictment would be dismissed and shrugged off the charges as an open-faced lie any way you slice it.

“Here's what the dill is: it looks like the potato chips are down, but these lies will ketchup to Earle,” the sandwich said, vowing that he would rise to the occasion to fight the charges. "There's no time to loaf. We've got to spread the truth."

[hispanarepublicana]

No...Xavier Greenstamps is with Anita Fortune.

[hispanarepublicana]

A seasoned FReeper will spice it up.

[speedy]

Au jus know they're peppering it all over the media and dressing it as the truth. O'Reilly's already covered it on his No Spinach Zone.

It's about thyme. O'Reilly may not be a sage, but he's parsley correct in his approach. Something may turnip to justify this indictment, but I won't be satisfied until they've collard the real criminal, Ronnie Earle. They should stalk him until they get to the root of the problem. I don't how he even collects a celery.

[Miss Behave]

Betty had a friend. I forgot her name so I asked her - "you look like Helen Greene!" She said, "I know. I don't look so good in brown either."

Shirley Brown looks like Helen Greene, if *Sally* May say.

[hispanarepublicana]

It'll be a real chard to get to the bottom of it, but the indictment is basiless, and they can always a-peel. I mint what I said.

[Miss Behave]

A seasoned FReeper will spice it up."

Hams piled on ham.

[Miss Behave]

Speaking of hams....

[speedy]

Yeah, Earle thinks he is presenting a feta compli, but that indictment will Edam alive. You're obviously well bread, HR, and I really enjoyed your essay.

[dgallo51]

I say old chap…do you have any Grey Poupon?

[hispanarepublicana]

Thanks, it's the yeast I could dough.

[hispanarepublicana]

How Dijon know that was my fave?

[dgallo51]

Takes an old wino to know one :-)

[speedy]

I'm not just buttering you up. There's nan better than you at this.

[hispanarepublicana]

Oh Lard! That means shallot coming from you!

[hispanarepublicana]

G'nightshade! Must turnip in.

[hispanarepublicana]

should've pinged you above

[speedy]

Likewise, HR. These pun threads just kind of crepe up on us, don't they? Night all.

[Miss Behave]

"Thanks, it's the yeast I could dough."

You corndog palate pallet. ;-)

[llevrok]

Gouda one!

[Miss Behave]

G'nite, hispana. And peas on Earth.

Thanks for the great rib lickin'. You made my day turn from bad to bright.