A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. And that's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
#377
Monitor clean up in cube 34.........LMAO!!!!!!!!
"Well, I was in church yesterday and the girl in front of me gets up from prayin' with her skirt stuck in the crack of her BEE-hind. I figured that would be uncomfortable so I pulled it out and she turned around and gave me this."
"You DUmmie," his friend said. "You should have known she wouldn't like that."
The next Monday he comes in with the other eye black and his buddy asks, "OK, where did this shiner come from?"
"Well, I was sittin' behind the same girl in church yesterday. She stood up and her skirt was caught in her crack again. Well, I didn't touch it, but the guy next to me pulled her skirt out."
"So why did you get the shiner?"
"I knew from last week she didn't like that so I tucked it back in."
Shalom.