Posted on 02/18/2005 8:09:01 PM PST by Graybeard58
Today I got another one of those scams on my e-mail where some guy in a foreign country wants me to help him smuggle money into the U.S. These come just about every day, and it seems there’s buried treasure all over Africa and Asia.
This one came from a person alleged to be Michael Tanager of Abidjan. He said his daddy was the late Chief Joseph Tanager, director of finance at Sierra-Leone Diamond and Mining corporation. Apparently his daddy stashed some of the company loot.
The amount is $18.3 million for which I get 15 percent to help him get it out of Abidjan.. All I have to do his send him my bank account number. He will have the total amount deposited into my bank, and he will trust me with it.
There’s a lot these con games going around these days. They are so blatant that they are amusing. They couldn’t be more blatant if they began, “Dear sucker.”
Of course I like to yank these idiots’ chains every now and then. So I returned him a letter. It went something like this:
Howdy Mikey:
I just got your e-mail and boy could I use 15 percent of $18.3 million. My problem is, I don’t have a bank account. I keep all my cash in an old trunk buried beneath my barn. It’s right under the old cow stall. When I put cash in, I call it “installments.” Get it? Moooolah!
But as luck would have it, an old college buddy of mine, Larry, just happens to be in Abidjan. He’s over there looking for a place to manufacturer turnip trucks. He’s looking for some very skilled labor because turnip trucks have to be specially built. If they are not specially built, people could fall off them. That could mean big lawsuits. By the way, do ya’ll have tort reform in Abidjan?
Like I said, I don’t have a bank account, but Larry said he could come by your place and pick up the $18.3 million. Larry’s a great guy. I would trust him with my life or my turnip truck.
You said you were looking for some way to invest this money. Well, old Larry can put it to work for you right there in his turnip truck factory. Mikey, the way I see it, this is one of those “win-win” situations.
And instead of sending me my 15 percent in cash, I’ll just take that much stock in Larry’s turnip truck factory, and he can mail me certified checks for my dividends. I’ll cash them and “install” them.
By the way Mikey, I would like for you to keep it a secret where I keep my money. I’ll just have to trust you on this. You sound like the kind of fellow I can trust. I mean you are living with your sister Jane in political asylum and have no reason to lie to me about all of this. Also, you told me right up front that this is not a joke.
Mikey, I think you, me and Larry have a great thing going. By the way, as a matter of security, you and I probably shouldn’t use our real names so why don’t we call the threesome, Curly, Moe and Larry. And so Mikey, Larry needs to know your address. So how many political asylums are there in Abidjan?
You’ll recognize Larry right away. He wears a big silly grin. And he’ll be wearing a turnip-green golf shirt with a little emblem of a turnip truck on it.
Yours truly,
Dwain (uh, I mean Curly).
Of course I don’t expect to hear from Mikey. The last time I responded to one of these yahoos, I did hear back, though. It involved me “winning” an international lottery I had never played.
I told the sender I had turned him over to the GBI, FBI, CIA and the Ludowici Home Guard.
He got all upset and told me I had no right to do that. I think he was mostly concerned about the Ludowici Home Guard. I think he thought it was a branch of Homeland Security.
Anyway, where I grew up we had to make our own entertainment. I guess I just hadn’t let go of that culture completely.
When out of towners ask me why they call the local river the "Rasin river" I can't resist telling them the story of the legendary raisin drives of the early 1800s.
I tell my kids stories like that but they are grown now and know me too well. I need a new audience.
I really feel sorry for Mikey. I wish I could help him, but Sufa Arafat just contacted me yesterday about helping her with a money "situation", so I'm taken.
Sukkah!
I wouldn't have agreed to do it for a dime less than $5 mil--C
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