Well, you asked for it…..
In the land of Gitche goomi, there dwelt an Indian tribe in which braves were to carry out a ritual task to prove their bravery and manhood before they could claim the fair maid they wished to marry.
The young bucks were cast out of the village and sent to live by themselves for a year. During that time they must not only fend for themselves but must kill an animal and prepare the skin to be used for their marriage bed. Status was imposed on those who provided a fine furry skin softly tanned to perfection.
At the end of the year, the night before the return of the full moon, the three braves returned with their furs to capture the heart of their intended brides and assume full citizenship.
The first brave proudly stepped forward and unfolded a beautiful light tan buffalo robe, soft and supple and wonderfully sized for a marriage bed.
The second brave, a cunning but shy lad, stepped up and presented a wonderfully soft and luxurious cougar skin, a truly marvelous piece of work that exhibited not only his skills as tanner but his extremely brave and cunningness to be able to track and slay such an animal.
Alas, the third brave did not do so well. He was able to produce only a few scraggily rabbit skins and one old possum hide. The mother in law intended was outrages at the shame and ran quickly for her brother who worked part time in the trading post. Being a good uncle he interceded with the owner for some face saving trade, but alas, the trader’s heart was hardened and he would not provide a woolen blanket for the miserable collection of skins. He rummaged around and from the back of the store came up with a hippopotamus hide, a little rough, but suitably sized for a marriage bed. The future mother in law was not happy but her face was saved.
.
In nine months the village was pleased to have new young ones. The squaw who had her marriage night on the buffalo hide presented the village with a beautiful boy. The maid who was favored with the wonderful cougar skin blushingly presented a beautiful and soft smiling daughter.
But the third wife, came to the ceremony carrying not one baby, but two…… a bouncing son and daughter. She presented twins.
For evermore, far and wide it is told for all to remember “The Squaw of the Hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides”
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. She laid her pet on the table.
The vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's heart. "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead." the vet replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up!"