*** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***

self

[TheBigB]

Awright guys 'n gals 'n kats 'n kittens...time for another FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD! Feel free to post jokes, silly stories, cartoons, beeber stunings, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD!

To start things off...a picture of an adorable kitten!

[ezo4]

Its friday? Oh man where did this week go

[alnitak]

[SweetCaroline]

....Well, it is quite obvious I can't give it up for more than 8 minutes. Sign a Christmas Card...check FR....Address on envelope....check FR....put stamp on envelope....check FR. Aren't these the action of an addict?

[fawn796]

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her
husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and
goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting
at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front
of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring
at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his
eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

What's the matter,dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he
asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking
that her husband is so caring sensitive. "Yes, I do"
she replies. The husband paused. The words were not
coming easily. "Do you remember when your father
caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I
remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair
beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......
"I would have gotten out today."

[TheBigB]

[fredhead]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

[Prime Choice]

I found a better copy of the picture...

...but I still can't find the kitty, darn it.

Hmmm...maybe there's a kitty in this picture!

I think I can almost see it!

[Zacs Mom]

It seems to me that some obessions around here are

way over blown!!!

[Itzlzha]

YES!!!!!

I've LOVED this one for YEARS!

GREAT post!

[Armedanddangerous]

MILKSHAKE!


But seriously...that gal is looking at some back trouble down the road...

[Conspiracy Guy]

emerson who?

[TheBigB]

Holy, uh, cow!

[fawn796]

owwwwwww, that's gotta hurt!

[JimWforBush]

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at several quaint pubs to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a few pints of Guinness.

After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood.....big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all...

NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."

"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back delivery alley, then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.

"In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away,...anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved. As he goes back thru the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was really decent of you ....is that "British Hospitality ?"

"No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face,

That is the French Embassy."

[Conspiracy Guy]

It is one of my favorite.

[Dog Gone]

December 17, 2004

[the_devils_advocate_666]

It came a pun a midnight clear....

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in Mississippi. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
 The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally,
became known as the lessor of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft,
 it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three legged dog limps into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
 He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby
 discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
 out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
 "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
 One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal."
 The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later,
 Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
 Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
 a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
 Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. We all know who Gandhi was, right? He was a spiritual man who fasted regularly.
Some may not realize that fasting, when practiced regularly and for extended periods,
 leads not only to weight loss, but can also cause bad breath.
No matter, his interests were higher. This great leader hardly ever wore shoes.
 One might say he was ... a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. ( whew ! )

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends,
 in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
 Unfortunately, no pun in ten did ....

[Lyndal]

D@mn, you beat me to it.

[Paul_Denton]

My personal favorite: I'm feeling lucky.

[TheBigB]

"A neighbor of mine was really depressed about her small size, so she had her boobs done, but she went overboard. I mean, these things she has now are so out or proportion to the rest of her body that they're...just beautiful."
-Comedian Robert Schimmel