This face wants to know, "When are people going to face the reality?"
Posted on 05/21/2004 5:24:24 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty
1 . Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
5. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 13.. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Bonus:
This face wants to know, "When are people going to face the reality?"
Major tornado activity here tonite. I've decided against going out to attend a scheduled meeting. The trip was suppose to be 90 miles round trip, and there are several low lying areas along the way.
With all the flood warnings that are out, I decided I'd be better off at home tonite. It's hard to see water over the road after dark.
Golf ball sized hail reported in Des Moines 15 minutes ago. Now they're saying there's a foot and a half of water running over the road in several spots there.
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and
calls for
back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman
steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite
stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands
it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up
the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
Filed for potential later usage.
What a freakin' idiot. Whether or not it was the right thing to do, George W. Bush did exactly what the Ohio Valley steelworkers demanded, and that was to impose tariffs on various steel products - after Clinton/Gore promised and promised, and delivered absolutely nothing for eight long years. John Kerry already has criticized Bush for later removing some of the tariffs, but came right out and said he'd never impose any more tariffs.
In other words, the steelworkers should have figured out by now that the Dems will never do anything to save their industry. According to some of the steelmakers in my area, those tariffs Bush imposed saved them from certain and complete bankruptcy, giving them time to regroup and get back on their feet. Kerry would have done nothing; he's vowed to do nothing for steel. So why would an Ohio steelworker vote for him?
Solid thinking on staying home this evening.
Dry it out, before I drive up there, IG.
This is better than the Curly Q look and the highlights are nice. I had no idea Chels was bright enough to realize how incredibly bad she looked before. Apparently New York has had some positive influence on her.
Because the union tells him to.
;-)
Yep>
The relaxed hair is an improvement but, bless her heart, she just doesn't have much to work with. I'm no fashion expert, but shouldn't she tone town the eyeliner a touch?
We hear that when Bill Clinton sat for painter William Quigley at his SoHo loft recently, the artist had to cover his work-in-progress of President Bush. Quigley is painting both their portraits.
I'd be happy to paint x42. I have almost an entire gallon left over from painting the living room, and I'd gladly dump it on his head.
Good Morning. Wearing waterwings here today. The sun is suppose to shine today, but it's not out yet.
At least the weeds will be easy to pull.
Here's some interesting info about Effin's new slogan, Let American be America again, from BestoftheWeb:
Red Alert
Langston Hughes, the poet who inspired John Kerry's new campaign slogan, "Let America be America again," turns out to be a favorite of communists. "Outstanding is the working-class content of this life and writings of Langston Hughes," the People's Weekly World, official organ of the Communist Party USA, enthused in March 2002:
From an early age Langston Hughes identified with working-class internationalism and to the role of workers in basic social change.
In 1917 when the Russian working class came to power and withdrew their country from World War I, Langston Hughes and his fellow students at Central High School in Cleveland held a celebration for the Revolution and its leader V.I. Lenin. . . .
He made clear his admiration for Communists. For instance, he wrote about Mother Ella Reeve Bloor, a leader of the Communist Party USA and a women's rights leader. "She battled the capitalists tooth and nail for seventy years."
Here's an excerpt from one of Hughes's poems, "Lenin":
Lenin walks around the world.
The sun sets like a scar.
Between the darkness and the dawn
There rises a red star.
This is from "Goodbye Christ":
Goodbye,
Christ Jesus Lord God Jehova,
Beat it on away from here now.
Make way for a new guy with no religion at all--
A real guy named
Marx Communist Lenin Peasant Stalin Worker ME--
I said, ME!
Another Hughes poem, "Revolution," celebrated violence:
Great mob that knows no fear--
Come here!
And raise your hand
Against this man
Of iron and steel and gold . . .
And tear him limb from limb,
Split his golden throat
Ear to ear
__________________________
One wonders if Gary Gosser of Warren would get the significance of these "poems".
Were you able to see the president's speech? I enjoyed it, the dems did not (suprize!). "He didn't say this or that or we've already heard that.", came the complaints.
I wish these fools would make up my mind, the president didn't have a plan, it's the same old plan... Now I've heard some of them trying to mock "staying the course", as in -- He won't change his plan, even as he's going over Niagara Falls... aaarrghhghhh!!
Here's some evidence that a person should never consume mass quantities of adult beverages before penning a letter to an editor:
In a letter to the editor of the Salt Lake Tribune, Kathleen Anderton of Salt Lake City spells out the "plan for domination":
I believe President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld's thinking goes along these lines:
The American population is growing about 0.92 percent a year; 66.7 percent of that very same population is between the ages of 15 and 64 and these same people are having about 14 babies a year per 1,000. At this rate, we need to greatly reduce the male half of the population.
Without the males, females will slow down and, in some cases, stop breeding. This will move us in the direction of a more controllable number of people, mostly weak women. By sending large quantities of men to fight this war in Iraq that we've cooked up, we can eliminate many of the stronger ones.
The children who lose fathers in this war, especially the boys who won't have a father's guidance, will succumb to depression and have possible suicidal tendencies. The surviving female children will be hardened by losses and by their mothers who turn bitter and tough. We'll give these children one great thing to hold onto and strive toward, an absolute sense of patriotism; not just faith in our country, but unshakable faith in our president and other leaders since we are in fact guided by God himself.
We will make machines out of these children, willing to die for any course we decide to lay out for them. We will keep some of the weaker ones in the factories to build our weapons and machines for our continued plan of world domination. Sheesh!
I could go on, but Kerry and his fellow socialists don't want to return to any America we've ever known. They want to revisit the great failed experiment of the USSR.
FYI, the great USSR experiment didn't fail, they just couldn't get their message out! ;-)
Although parts of Russert's speech were punctuated by cheers and laughter, some graduates napped throughout the ceremony, or shook off sleep only long enough to applaud now and then. Others wore sunglasses, even though bad weather had pushed the ceremony indoors. Link
LOL Great find!
A public service announcement for the half-dozen men (so far) caught up in the "Washingtonienne" sex scandal on Capitol Hill: It would be prudent to get HIV tests, advises Jessica Cutler, who wrote a diary of her sexual escapades, then posted it on the Internet, causing Sen. Mike DeWine (R-Ohio) to fire her last week for inappropriate use of Senate computers. "I'm not the only one in the world who should worry about this," Cutler, the 24-year-old former staff assistant who kept the Washingtonienne blog, told us yesterday.
"I was practicing safe sex, as much as that is possible," she added. Juggling media interviews and requests, Cutler said she intended to keep a previously scheduled doctor's appointment yesterday to get tested for the virus. "I get tested at least once a year. I'm fine as far as I know. It's not like I'm in a panic or anything."
But in an interview with us Friday, she seemed concerned about the potential transmission of HIV because of some of her partners' preferences or carelessness. "These people, these relationships, have been going on for various lengths of time. There are situations that are very questionable. You never know. . . . With AIDS, who's not afraid of that?"
Some Web sites are speculating on the names of various sexual partners whom Cutler only identified with initials. The sites are eager to ID a married, Bush-appointed "chief of staff" at a federal agency who she claimed paid her $400 for a lunch-hour tryst last Tuesday. But she held firm to her vow not to name names, declaring: "I'm not going to help anyone figure this out." Link
This girl is smart about one thing, tell the press you've got the name of a republican who paid you for sex. Had that story involved a dem the WP wouldn't have bothered with the story.
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