Dating game becoming more like a chore

Winston-Salem Journal ^ | Thursday, January 8, 2004 | Kate Zernike

[Marie]

Move to a town in the Red district, find a young woman with strong values and commone sense, then snatch her up fast! My daughter is going to have SUCH an easy time landing a good man!

[EvilOverlord]

The problem is that leftists rate certain accomplishments over others. Leftists rate performance artists over plumbers, sociologists over soldiers, and just about anyone over mothers. It's a very foolish standard of measurement.

On a related, and geeky note, I recall an episode of Star Trek (probably Voyager), in which the spokesperson for an alien society said that their society was so evolved that their highest achievement was their art. I don't think that statement is a good thing. It just means that their society lacks the capability to produce useful goods. Not that I dislike art (I like poetry, musicals, music, etc. a lot, actually), but I happen to think engineering is a worthwhile endeavor as well. I am an engineer, after all. I make things that people can use.

[Marie]

I'm here, but the fellas seem to be doing just fine! LOL!

[Marie]

"What's the strangest place your husband has ever asked you to have sex?"

LMAO! I DO remember that one!

[Rytwyng]

...yeah I look for healthy looking women...they better have some meat on them ... EAT SOMETHING! darn it.

Speak for yourself ! I like girls that look like strippers that work-out. :) I certainly don't like chubby chicks, no way, no how.

You're confusing two totally different issues. No man in his right mind goes for chubby chicks, but not everyone likes hipless, curveless, boyish looking model types either. The majority of men prefer an "hourglass" figure... neither overweight nor excessively slender.

My wife ate a huge rare steak on our first date.... I was hooked. (Most chicks in Calif. are vegetarians, it seems.)

[EvilOverlord]

regarding backrubs...

You describe my ex-wife. She would ask for backrubs, which I would gladly give her. When I would ask for one, she would refuse, saying that she needed them to help her sleep, but I sleep just fine, so I don't need one. My marriage was a really one-sided affair. The net result here is that the back rubs stopped coming from my side as well.

This was not what ultimately ended the marriage, but is a hint of some major character flaws that I wish I had known about earlier.

[Tax-chick]

I also include that my dream gal would be thrilled to see me come home and after the kids get to bed, be 'open for business' as I like to say, as I would show my gratidude, admiration, affection and love for her and her contributions. ;-)

I'd also note that if you plan to marry a woman over 30, and then have several children (presumably fairly quickly, before she reaches menopause), then you might find you have to compromise your standards in this area, at least for a while! Pregnancy/childbirth/nursing (repeat, repeat, repeat) wears a woman down a bit.

It would help a lot if your income extends to household help!

[Marie]

You can't really blame the guys for the sterotyping of us girls. As a group, we DO have a problem. I have about a dozen really good friends. TWO of them have their heads on straight. Both of them are happily married and off the market. This tells me that the good ones are snatched up young, manage to maintain a stable relationship and the single guys have greater odds of bumping into a disfunctional single female than a sweet, practical gal.

[Marie]

The FR dating service is a WONDERFUL idea! Do it!

[Rytwyng]

I met my wife on a Christian dating site (www.ChristianCafe.com); before she came along, I also met a lot of good women at the Christian section of www.MatchMaker.com. It worked for me, and it's worked for others I know.

If I were still single, however, I'd say that the Freeper Dating Service is a great idea.

[Marie]

I only have one little jewel, but she's shaping up very well. In another 6 years she'll be knocking their socks off! :-)

[Marie]

How do you feel about the 2nd ammendment?

Do you want children? If you do, do you believe in spanking and not taking crap?

Would you be willing to support a stay at home mom?

Would you be happy as a stay at home mom?

Are you funny? (I know, I know. Looks aren't everything...)

We sould have one for ladies and ones for gents. Can I play??

[Marie]

Question: how do you handle so many?

I know this question wasn't dirrected to me, but I have to say it anyway... humor, patience and a paddle.

[Marie]

Sorry 'bout the typo! Shoot!

[SauronOfMordor]

I have about a dozen really good friends. TWO of them have their heads on straight. Both of them are happily married and off the market. This tells me that the good ones are snatched up young, manage to maintain a stable relationship and the single guys have greater odds of bumping into a disfunctional single female than a sweet, practical gal.

This has been my observation too (for both guys and gals). If they're over 30 and never married, there's probably a reason.

[HitmanLV]

Thanks! Actually, I decided on new years that my time is coming, and set a 'upper limit' deadline for my wedding day, about 42 months from now. Could be sooner, could be later, but I am finally ready, I think, to be serious about it.

When I did my rap, the younger the woman (say 22-25 or so) would respond the poorest, and the mid to later 20s would respond poorly but privately were much more receptive to my message. Women in their early 30s, again, tend to make some noise but realize the wisdom in what I say.

I think the basic appeal of a message like mine is that it's rare. Few men think like I do. I've been called every name in the book for some of the opinions, but I've also known many receptive women who wouldn't admit to their girlfriends that the life I outline appeals to them, but privately were very agressive and lusty with me - so what is a man to do? ;-)

Good luck and God bless you and your family, you sound happy and that's the important thing. People really need to know what they want, be forward with it, and be willing to compromise and grow together.

And I'll get back to you about your pretty cousins! ;-)

[Marie]

You sound like a good guy. I hope you can be understanding when the house falls apart because two of the three kids and mom were vomiting all day, when she decided not to bother with the dishes some nights after supper, when the housedress turns to sweats and your old t-shirt because she doesn't feel so bad when she spills bleach down the front and that you can laugh when you come home and find her in tears after she accidently turns her hair green.

[LisaMalia]

I feel like I've spent much of my adult single life online. When I found myself divorced and single 5 years ago, and my children grown, I took to the internet like a fish to water.
I've "met" some very nice men, and also the usual assortment of perverts.
My rule of thumb has always been to try to stay guarded, and use the same judgement you would if you met someone in person.
I've actually thought about writing a book about my online experiences....:)

[Rytwyng]

Someone, somewhere, is going to jump on this thread and start pushing the new "courtship" movement ("I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and similar books). Having very painfully learned how wrong this approach is -- and feeling a duty to warn people -- I'm not going to wait around for the courtship advocates to show up. I'm going to strike the first blow:

Although the courtship movement's critique is right on target with respect to what modern dating has degenerated to (as distinct from, say, dating in our grandparents' youth), the new courtship paradigm currently being promoted throught Christendom has two major flaws:

a)Courtship requires that the couple never be alone together -- this is defined as a "date" and is forbidden. However, this requirement for 100% supervision is nearly impossible to arrange, especially for adults with fulltime jobs, long commutes, etc. It's even harder if their families are non-Christian, broken, far away, or not willing to be involved. Friends and so-called "accountability couples" have busy lives of their own, and can usually chaperone only rarely.

So as a practical matter, it's nearly impossible to build a relationship in the modern world unless a couple is willing to "bend the rules" and do some one-on-one dating. To their credit, most courtship types will acknowledge this when pressed to the wall (or, when they get into a relationship themselves and discover it the hard way.)

b) Courtship has absolutely no mechanism for finding someone to court. Indeed, courtship isn't even supposed to begin until a man has already found a suitable woman, and is pretty darn near sure that he'll marry her if he wins her over -- only then is he permitted to approach the woman's father or guardian and request a courtship.

But, without how is a man ever supposed to find a woman? Only rarely does this happen through natural social circles (work, church, school, etc.) Courtship advocates actively discourage internet matchmaking, visiting other churches just to meet women, having friends set up blind dates, etc. Worse, they tell young folks, no romance till they're out of school - ignoring the fact that highschool and college are by far the best opportunities to meet someone.

With stances like that, how courters expect anyone to find mates is anybody's guess. All experience hath shewn, that for most people, if they don't get out and do some casual (but chaste) "shopping around"-type dating, marriage will never happen for them.

But courtship advocates, in my experience, are in total denial about this issue. Over and over, I challenged them, "How do I FIND someone to court?" They never had an answer for me, and the more I pressed the issue, the madder they got (a sure sign that people know, deep down, that they are wrong.)

So I stuck with dating, and I finally found someone.

[jrp]

Perfect. Xenalyte needs to hire you to handle the dating site content.