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Democrat Strategists Remove James Talarico From Campaign Trail To Hide The Fact That He's James Talarico
Babylon Bee ^ | 10/09/2026 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 10/09/2026 12:18:00 PM PDT by DFG

AUSTIN, TX — Senate candidate James Talarico suddenly disappeared from the campaign trail last week after Democratic strategists realized that he is James Talarico.

With Democrats holding a shocking lead in statewide Texas races, political operatives pulled Talarico off the campaign, hoping to hide the fact that he is James Talarico.

"The one thing that could sink this campaign is Texans meeting James Talarico," said Democratic strategist Kelly Hutchins. "He is so friggin' weird. Have you heard the stuff that comes out of that guy's mouth? Completely insane, even for us. We believe the winning strategy is to simply keep James Talarico from ever campaigning for James Talarico."

Mystery surrounded Talarico's sudden absence during the final month of the campaign, but surveys showed that the strategy was working. "It's pretty simple. People will vote for James as long as they don't know who he is," said pollster Graham Kitchens. "The campaign just has to hide who he is and everything he's ever said and done. He really is just the worst. But as long as he stays out of view, they've got a great shot."

At publishing time, Talarico had asked his political handlers if the giant padlock on the door of the basement he was being kept in was really necessary.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: campaigntrail; jamestalarico; paxton; talarico; texassenate

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1 posted on 10/09/2026 12:18:00 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

LOL!


2 posted on 10/09/2026 12:22:10 PM PDT by PGalt (Past Peak Civilization?)
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To: DFG

There may just be an element of truth to this.


3 posted on 10/09/2026 12:22:42 PM PDT by omni-scientist
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To: DFG

The JOE BIDEN RED COMMIE STRATEGY.

HIDE. STEAL VOTES.

Works every time.


4 posted on 10/09/2026 12:25:48 PM PDT by FlyingEagle
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To: omni-scientist

They hid Biden as well in the hopes that Biden could win the 2020 election by not being visible. Looks like a similar ploy for Tal!


5 posted on 10/09/2026 12:26:12 PM PDT by mdmathis6 (A horrible historic indictment: Biden Democrats plunging us into Ukraine wars to hide their crimes!)
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To: DFG

Somebody discovered Talafreako is really Obama in white face.


6 posted on 10/09/2026 12:28:27 PM PDT by Vision (“Our Democracy” means "Our Slush Fund." The Left is hate.)
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To: DFG

the Brandon strategy in full effect


7 posted on 10/09/2026 12:32:56 PM PDT by sheehan (Vote harder.)
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To: DFG
"New York City fundraisers don't count"

New York City?!!! Get a rope!

8 posted on 10/09/2026 12:34:32 PM PDT by Nateman (Democrats did not strive for fraud friendly voting merely to continue honest elections.)
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To: DFG
There is a long list of Democrat candidates that Democrat campaign consultants advise to stay as far away from the public eye and campaign appraences

Think Hillary, Joe Biden, Kamala Talarico, Katie Hobbs , Karen Bass, John Ossoff , most of The Squad, Jasmine Crockett and the list goes on

9 posted on 10/09/2026 12:36:15 PM PDT by rdcbn1 (..when poets buy guns, tourist season is over................Walter R. Mead)
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To: DFG

The ole FJB ropadope...

Can’t hit ‘im if he’s hidin’!


10 posted on 10/09/2026 12:46:49 PM PDT by Adder ("A pack of jackasses led by a lion is superior to a pack of lions led by a jackass.” GW.)
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To: DFG

There’s a rumor going around that the barber that gives him his “Dopey Opie” Alfred E. Newman haircuts is on vacation. Dopey Opie is waiting for him to return and cut his hair before he goes and rents a RAM truck to go to his favorite mom and pop’s to buy some more celery stalks.


11 posted on 10/09/2026 12:57:51 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Since "protesters" are now being paid, protests should be required to have at least 5000 idiots.)
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To: DFG

This was likely a preplanned calculated strategy not a reaction to any specific thing.

Dems will increasingly put forth AI candidates. Sure there is a real person behind the front that is connected to some dem approved group. All statements are manufactured and OK’d by AI. No debates no campaigns. Maybe some videos where the candidate reads AI slop.

They practically do this already. I see them increasingly doing this. They just want people to vote for the D which is a front for DSA.


12 posted on 10/09/2026 1:08:45 PM PDT by plain talk
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To: DFG

I’m thinking Monkeypox. It goes around in those quarters.


13 posted on 10/09/2026 1:09:10 PM PDT by fwdude (Why is there a "far/radical right," but damned if they'll admit that there is a far/radical left)
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To: omni-scientist
There may just be an element of truth to this.

There has to be in good satire.

14 posted on 10/09/2026 1:10:20 PM PDT by fwdude (Why is there a "far/radical right," but damned if they'll admit that there is a far/radical left)
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To: DFG

It worked for Joe Biden! Joe hid in his basement. Talirico can hide in a health facility. Why not?


15 posted on 10/09/2026 1:50:49 PM PDT by The_Media_never_lie ( )
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To: All

Democratic strategist Kelly Hutchins: “We believe the winning strategy is to keep James Talarico from campaigning for James Talarico. He is so friggin’ weird. Texas voters meeting James Talarico would sink his campaign.”


LOL


16 posted on 10/09/2026 2:34:37 PM PDT by Liz (“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies the work of Hishands. " (Psalm 19:1))
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To: DFG

There are a couple of YouTube videos out that claim he’s been found and released from a mental hospital, but I figure it’s just click bait, so I haven’t watched them.


17 posted on 10/09/2026 5:21:09 PM PDT by Flaming Conservative ((Pray without ceasing))
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