Posted on 01/15/2024 12:53:16 PM PST by DFG
U.S. — The source of an unexpected overnight surge in precipitation across the United States has now been discovered, as a team of meteorologists revealed it to be caused by the tears of Dallas Cowboys fans.
The team, which held the No. 2 seed in the NFC playoff bracket, was soundly pummeled at home by the Green Bay Packers last night, causing millions of Cowboys fans throughout the country to weep uncontrollably, combining with the ongoing polar vortex to unleash yet another wave of heavy precipitation.
"‘America's Team' is responsible for America's winter storms," said meteorologist Pete Benson. "We've noticed a startling trend over the last few decades. Every January, immediately following the Cowboys' season unceremoniously ending, there is a sudden wave of precipitation across the country. The tears of Cowboys fans would be the most logical explanation. Scientifically speaking, that team really eats it."
Sources at the National Weather Service confirmed reports that the Cowboy's annual failure is the likely cause of the rise in precipitation. "I'm afraid the rumors are true," said Dr. Frederick Von Hammerstein. "The Dallas Cowboys' bizarre tradition of crushing the hopes and dreams of their fans results in an annual barrage of precipitation throughout the nation each winter. Fascinating, but very sad."
At publishing time, scientists were also reportedly working on a theory based around the idea that increased seismic activity each fall may be linked to angry baseball fans flying into simultaneous rages each year when the Los Angeles Dodgers win the NL West division title.
I was not sad, I was angry..................
Meanwhile, Houston was bone dry.
They need to become more like Vikings fans where each season begins with low expectations, and any success is cautiously celebrated because we know what’s coming.
Part of the precipitation was from we Washington Husky fans crying after Alabama ‘stole’ our great coach.
“Just wait....be patient....they won’t let you down!”
I predict prescott will not be the QB in big D next season.
Trey Lance deserves a shot.
Im what way? He’s always had a shot, but he’s never come close to beating out the competition. I like Trey Lance, but I don’t think he could beat out Cooper Rush right now.
I thought that was mostly due to injuries.
Even Love struggled a bit this year before it finally clicked.
They DO need to stop the crying.
In the 2023 preseason, Brock Purdy and Sam Darnold beat out Trey Lance in competition. 49ers-covering sportswriter Mat Maiocco said last off season Darnold is the most talented thrower in 49ers history. Many non-NFL player sports commentators say Brock Purdy is one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL. Trey Lance couldn't beat out either one.
I thought the 49ers shouldn't have traded him, but they and many people don't think he'll be a starter soon.
Jordan Love looked very bad until about mid-November, when he started to look much better. But it’s hard to believe that the Packers would have been one of the top two teams in the NFL if they had kept Aaron Rodgers.
How does a team win every home game during the regular season and then get smashed at home in the 1st round of the playoffs?
Prescott ain’t the answer but I gotta hang a lot of that on lack of preparation by coaching
Overall the Packers were a very young team, so the whole team gelled over the course of the season, starting with that Thanksgiving Game against the Lions.
Well look how many times Mayfield has bounced around, before seemingly finally finding a home in Tampa.
I find it very easy to believe.
I’m in D/FW and I couldn’t care less.
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