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Pedophile Jailed For Flashing Kids At Playground Kicking Himself For Not Doing It At Pride Parade Instead
Babylon Bee ^ | 06/26/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 06/26/2023 1:38:57 PM PDT by DFG

SEATTLE, WA — A man sitting in state prison for exposing himself to kids at a local playground is kicking himself that he didn't just wait and do it at a pride parade instead.

"Man, I'm so mad at myself!" convicted sex offender Lester Carlyle said in an interview with reporters earlier this week. "I'm sitting here serving time for lewd conduct toward minors; I should have just waited until June and then I could have exposed myself in front of tons of kids with absolutely zero consequences and their parents would have cheered me on!"

Carlyle said he didn't realize all he needed to do to escape legal trouble was throw on a feather boa and whip out his genitals in public in a pride parade.

"Dagnabit, I'm such a newb. Look at those other guys, waving their bait and tackle around in front of kids without a care in the world! If only I'd grabbed a pride flag that day I went to the park I might be eating lunch on the front lawn of the White House instead of in this dank jail cell!"

Carlyle said he plans on coming out as gay as soon as he gets out of jail and will be attending as many family-friendly pride events as possible. State leaders in Washington declined to comment on the matter, directing reporters instead to the state's "It's not criminal pedophilia if it happens during the month of June and the person doing it is queer" policy.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; flashing; parade; pedophile; pervert

1 posted on 06/26/2023 1:38:57 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

How about that....a real life aqualung


2 posted on 06/26/2023 1:43:34 PM PDT by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave!)
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To: V_TWIN

Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes?


3 posted on 06/26/2023 1:46:20 PM PDT by Yo-Yo (Is the /Sarc tag really necessary? Pray for President Biden: Psalm 109:8)
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To: DFG

Wow! This is one of the many times the Bee’s satire is really more sarcastic truth than satire.


4 posted on 06/26/2023 1:59:18 PM PDT by Tell It Right (1st Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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To: Yo-Yo

Yep.....Sitting on a park bench
Eyeing little girls with bad intent


5 posted on 06/26/2023 2:18:06 PM PDT by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave!)
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To: DFG

Not only that but he wouldn’t have had to sneak around to find kids, their parents would bring them out to see his show!


6 posted on 06/26/2023 2:19:08 PM PDT by bigbob (Q)
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To: DFG

Lester the molester.


7 posted on 06/26/2023 2:20:49 PM PDT by 21twelve (Ever Vigilant. Never Fearful.)
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To: DFG

The Bee got me this time. Sounded perfectly plausible.


8 posted on 06/26/2023 2:27:17 PM PDT by TChad (Progressives are in favor of removing healthy sex organs from children. Conservatives oppose this.)
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I thought tyhe bee was supposed to be satire


9 posted on 06/26/2023 2:35:11 PM PDT by dsrtsage ( Complexity is just simple lacking imagination)
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To: DFG

Was it Jeffrey Toobin?!


10 posted on 06/26/2023 3:31:44 PM PDT by No name given (Anonymous is who you’ll know me as)
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To: DFG

On a similar note if a man flashes women in a public park he is arrested for indecent exposure. If he does it in the ladies’ locker room it’s “being her authentic self” and the real women might be the ones arrested for “transphobia”.


11 posted on 06/26/2023 4:41:37 PM PDT by FormerFRLurker ("Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"-Voltaire)
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