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Groundhog Refuses To Emerge To See Shadow Until Rogan Banned
Babylon Bee ^ | 02/01/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 02/01/2022 1:32:00 PM PST by DFG

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—Another celebrity has come out publicly against the dangers of rampant misinformation. The famed groundhog Punxsutawney Phil has refused to emerge from his hole to determine the remaining length of winter until Joe Rogan is canceled.

“I’ve wanted to do something about Mr. Rogan’s dangerous peddling of misinformation for some time now, but couldn't think of a good way to do it,” said the esteemed rodent while munching a stalk of celery. “Then I heard about some amateur singers named Ned Young and Joni Munchwell making waves and wondered what would happen if an actual celebrity like myself were to join the fray. Of course, my decision was galvanized when the greatest musical artist of all time—Mr. Barry Manilow himself—voiced his protest.”

After hearing the groundhog’s ultimatum, nervous representatives for Spotify, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace announced the immediate cancelation of Joe Rogan.

Mr. Rogan announced he will continue to record his podcast in his basement. Several media figures then saw their shadows, predicting six more years of the media freaking out about Joe Rogan.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; feb; groundhog; punxsutawney; rogan

1 posted on 02/01/2022 1:32:00 PM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

Now THAT is funny!


2 posted on 02/01/2022 1:33:52 PM PST by Macoozie (Handcuffs and Orange Jumpsuits)
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To: DFG

3 posted on 02/01/2022 1:35:41 PM PST by Paul46360 (What??ME worry?)
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To: DFG

He’s a rodent, not a meteorologist!


4 posted on 02/01/2022 1:36:39 PM PST by Puppage (You may disagree with what I have to say, but I shall defend to your death my right to says it.)
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To: Puppage

Yeah at the risk of getting flamed I’ve always thought that was one of the dumber traditions this country has ever thought up.

Just my opinion people. Lol


5 posted on 02/01/2022 1:40:01 PM PST by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave)
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To: V_TWIN
It's up there with pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving.

-PJ

6 posted on 02/01/2022 1:42:05 PM PST by Political Junkie Too ( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: Political Junkie Too

👍


7 posted on 02/01/2022 1:45:45 PM PST by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave)
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To: V_TWIN

According to the History Channel, here is the origin:

“Groundhog Day has its roots in the ancient Christian tradition of Candlemas, when clergy would bless and distribute candles needed for winter. The candles represented how long and cold the winter would be. Germans expanded on this concept by selecting an animal—the hedgehog—as a means of predicting weather. Once they came to America, German settlers in Pennsylvania continued the tradition, although they switched from hedgehogs to groundhogs, which were plentiful in the Keystone State.”

Now about this six more weeks of winter thing — the first day of Spring is a little over six weeks from February 2 anyway, whether he sees his shadow or not.


8 posted on 02/01/2022 1:50:00 PM PST by Southside_Chicago_Republican (The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. )
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To: Paul46360

9 posted on 02/01/2022 1:57:39 PM PST by Trillian
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To: All
Then I heard about some amateur singers named Ned Young

Ned? Ned the head? Bing!
10 posted on 02/01/2022 2:05:43 PM PST by mmichaels1970
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To: mmichaels1970

He’d make a greasy stew. About as bad as a possum.


11 posted on 02/01/2022 2:54:16 PM PST by oldasrocks
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To: mmichaels1970

Ned Young and Joni Munchwell


12 posted on 02/01/2022 2:56:37 PM PST by occamrzr06
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To: Puppage
He’s a rodent, not a meteorologist!

Prove it! Why is it that the MSM and his home town always seek out his decision on Ground Hog Day instead of yours?

Sounds like someone here is jealous..........

13 posted on 02/01/2022 2:59:43 PM PST by Hot Tabasco
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To: DFG

f’n bee...


14 posted on 02/01/2022 3:06:08 PM PST by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. #FJB)
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To: Puppage

To me, the whole groundhog thing borders on idolatry. It’s a rodent- they destroy gardens dig huge holes in the ground, usually near foundations, but also out in the open. It’s easy to step in one and break something.
They used to wreck my garden, forget about fencing it it, they just dig under it..
Punksatawney “BANG!”
It almost seems like they are being worshipped.


15 posted on 02/01/2022 3:29:07 PM PST by telescope115 (Proud member of the ANTIFAuci movement. )
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To: Trillian

Drove pretty well for a quadruped.


16 posted on 02/01/2022 4:34:04 PM PST by Durus (You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. Ayn Rand)
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To: oldasrocks

Groundhog is kind of greasy but also tasty.


17 posted on 02/01/2022 6:02:36 PM PST by cyclotic (I won't give up my FREEDOM for your FEAR)
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To: DFG

18 posted on 02/02/2022 8:52:54 AM PST by GraceG ("If I post an AWESOME MEME, STEAL IT! JUST RE-POST IT IN TWO PLACES PLEASE")
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To: Political Junkie Too
It's up there with pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving.

But the turkey might have been a homosexual (gobble, gobble)

19 posted on 02/02/2022 4:13:59 PM PST by dearolddad
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