Posted on 03/21/2016 9:38:39 AM PDT by John Semmens
Concerned that his legacy "might be undone if the wrong person succeeds me as president," President Obama urged the millionaire donors of the Democratic Party to rally behind former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's candidacy for the Party's nomination and in the general election.
"Granted, she's shrill and uninspiring, but we've got to drag her carcass across the finish line if we hope to preserve the gains I've made during my term in office," Obama told an assembly of rich and famous Democrats. "I recognize that the message of social revolution being proclaimed by Sen. Sanders is very appealing in our inner circles, but I don't think the American voters are ready yet for the more overt and explicit socialism he touts."
The President also warned that "Sanders anti-corporate crusade threatens to 'burn down' the good with the bad. Secretary Clinton, on the other hand, knows the difference. Her success in eliciting funds from Wall Street for the Clinton Foundation has demonstrated that."
"Finally, we mustn't forget that during her husband's term she became privy to a lot of confidential information that would be embarrassing to many in the Party if it ever became public," Obama pointed out. "By supporting her now we show that she has no reason to deploy any of that information to our detriment. And by keeping access to this kind of information away from outsiders like Sanders and Trump we can avoid disaster."
In related news, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) taunted Republicans as "moral cowards for allowing outsiders like Trump and Cruz to take over their Party. Democrats would never be so craven. We'd do whatever was necessary to repel interlopers. I'm proud to see that President Obama is stepping in to seal the deal for the nomination of long-term Democratic stalwart Hillary Clinton over Bernie Sanders."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,199254.0.html
I will get behind Hillary...if there is a cliff nearby.
Brilliant. More like a truthful depiction rather than satire(semi or otherwise).
That’s not the view of HIllary I want. Plus, it would block out the sun.
Need a map back there, it’s vast!
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