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Everything You Need To Know About Sony, Cuba and North Korea
Charting Course ^
| 12/19/2014
| Steve Berman
Posted on 12/19/2014 10:50:33 AM PST by lifeofgrace
TRIGGER WARNING*
This has to be the best real estate deal since Whitewater. Through a complex series of events that even our 24-hour news junkies have trouble following, Al Sharpton will now get to produce rap music in Cuba, while the U.S. sets up its embassy on the current site of North Koreas diplomatic mission in Havana. And Kim Jong Un will get to share a Cohiba cigar with Dennis Rodman, Al Sharpton, Amy Pascal and President Obama.
Its all in this one infographic.
- Sony Pictures greenlights a film titled The Interview, a comedy which depicts the assassination of Kim Jong Un. The movie is set for release on Christmas Day 2015.
- Absolute Ruler and Deity of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, takes offense to this movie, because he takes himself somewhat more seriously than Hollywood. Or Washington D.C. for that matter. Oh yeahDennis Rodman, Friend of Dear Leaders grandson, is sort of the basis for the movies idea, but he hasnt been assassinated. I think Rodman would beam back to the planet hes from before that happened anyway.
- Kim commits his entire countrys Ho-Ho (and Twinkie) budget to buy a few laptop PCs and enlist some Chinese hackers to break into Sony Pictures network and stop the movie.
- After about two hours and bribing a janitor, they succeed, making off with about ten terabytes of stuff, including all kinds of private emails, movie scripts, unreleased digital copies of movies, and Michael Jacksons uploaded consciousness. They start leaking these files through various file sharing sites, although Michael Jacksons consciousness hasnt been seen yet (everyones ringtone will suddenly become a soprano hoooo-hoo when it happens).
- Some of the emails are between Sony Pictures chief Amy Pascal and various Hollywood types, on subjects like President Obamas favorite (black) movies and other potential TRIGGER WARNING material. These emails embarrass Pascal, and provoke Hollywood idiots such as Aaron Sorkin to blame the media for reporting the most juicy bits.
- President Obama, hearing about these emails, decides to change 54 years of history and lift the embargo against Cuba, while ignoring the fact that Kim Jong Uns (2) terror warning against theaters caused Sony Pictures (1) to cancel the release of The Interview. This is done to move the news cycle past the North Korea event and create Yet Another News Storya strategy which has worked for over six years for Obama.
- Castro gladly accepts Obamas gift of three convicted Cuban spies and responds by releasing American contractor Alan Gross with a case of Cohiba cigars.
- Meanwhile, Amy Pascal receives TRIGGER WARNING race sensitivity training on how to be a non-Bossy cis-gendered white woman fighting the Paternity from none other than Al Sharpton, Friend of Obama and frequent White House guest. Sharpton will be more than glad to accept whatever money and power Sony can pour into his bank account in order to vet their movies and ensure they remain on the right side of changing Hollywood. Whatever that means.
- Sharpton uses his prodigious charm to convince Obama to get him an option on some great Havana real estate so he can open a rap studio next door to the new U.S. Embassy and then rent space to msnbc for their Live from Havana show (which will likely premier in January 2015).
- msnbcs Sharpton interviews Col. Jack Jacobs and Anthony Ronan (star of now-dead The Interview) on how the U.S. can protect itself by Sony hiring better janitors to prevent more cyberattacks from Chinese hackers paid in North Korean Ho-Hos. This show pre-empts an airing of Trey Parkers 2004 satire Team America: World Police.
- Sharpton, Obama, Pascal, Kim, and Rodman get together to celebrate the State Department purchase of the building now used as the North Korean Embassy in Havana to be the new U.S. Embassy (Im sure it wont have any bugs or camera spying on us). It will be right next door to Sharptons next investment: Dear Leader (DL) Records, celebratingthrough rap musicNorth Koreas contribution to (TRIGGER WARNING) Black culture in Cuba. They celebrate by lighting up a few of those Cohibas Alan Gross brought with him.
And that's everything you need to know about Sony, Cuba and North Korea. *The real estate deal is speculation. Okay, it's satire; as in fabricated. But everything else is completely true. Except for the cigars (maybe).
TOPICS: Arts/Photography; Business/Economy; Conspiracy; Government; Music/Entertainment; Politics; TV/Movies
KEYWORDS: alsharpton; amypascal; clooney; cuba; georgeclooney; guardiansofpeace; hollywood; northkorea; pyongyang; sony; theinterview
To: lifeofgrace
2
posted on
12/19/2014 10:55:15 AM PST
by
slouper
(LWRC SPR 223)
To: lifeofgrace
Churo’s and Choclo for everyone!!!
Happy New Year!
3
posted on
12/19/2014 11:08:18 AM PST
by
Vendome
(Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
To: lifeofgrace
4
posted on
12/19/2014 11:09:40 AM PST
by
slouper
(LWRC SPR 223)
To: lifeofgrace
1957 Chevies for everyone!
To: slouper
Behind Obamas unconditional surrender to the Castros brothers, is the plot to make the American taxpayers liable for whatever we sell to Cuba. The end of the embargo is their goal.
"Because of something called the Export- Import Bank there's no risk whatsoever in exporting to bankrupt, murderous and kleptocratic regimes- worse there' no incentive for the kleptocrats to clean up their act, as would happen under a genuine free-market. Also the World, financed 80% by the American taxpayers will open their vaults to be freely looted by the Castro brothers."Castro helped to bankrupt the Soviet Union, Obama before leaving want to complete the destruction of United States.
6
posted on
12/19/2014 11:52:33 AM PST
by
Dqban22
(Hpo<p> http://i.imgur.com/26RbAPx.jpg)
To: lifeofgrace
I honestly don’t know what is going down, but for Obama to use his Cuban distraction card, it must he huge.
7
posted on
12/19/2014 1:07:16 PM PST
by
FreeAtlanta
(Liberty or Big Government - you can't have both.)
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