Posted on 07/31/2014 12:31:18 AM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
To the women of America:
Please do not underestimate the significance of this. Here, now, you have been given the opportunity to grab ahold of our society and drag it back from the precipice. You cannot cure all of our ills, but, if you answer the call, you can at least help us take one small step toward peace and prosperity.
This is truly a seminal moment in our history. The weight of our future, our children’s future, our children’s children’s future, partially rests on the decision you are facing. Your task, ladies, is simple. All you must do is not buy tickets to 50 Shades of Grey when it’s released in theaters on Valentine’s Day.
Not one ticket.
Weekend box office total: $0.
The biggest flop of all time.
A more massive bust than Battlefield Earth and Gigli combined. A financial failure so staggering that it results in the immediate termination of every employee at the movie studio responsible for producing it. A categorical and unanimous rejection of what is sure to be the most abominable, morally and mentally bankrupt ensemble of subpar acting and stilted dialogue ever cobbled together and presented, through any medium, to any audience, anywhere, at any point in history.
Am I overstating my case? Maybe, but stay with me.
As you may have noticed, the first 50 Shades of Grey preview debuted this week. Apparently it premiered on the Today Show at 8AM, which surely enchanted the millions of parents who might have made the mistake of turning on network television in the middle of the morning while their kids were in the room. Silly moms and dads, what makes you think you can do something like that without being greeted by a nice dose of sadomasochism and stylized sexual violence? Besides, why do you even have problem with a trailer for a movie based on a book that romanticizes a sociopathic pervert who sexually dominates a young, impressionable woman? Puritans. Your kids are in preschool now, it’s about time they learn about this stuff.
The preview seems to have reinvigorated 50 Shades of Grey fever. My social media feeds have been clogged by, fortunately, plenty of women condemning the movie (and the book) for its idiocy/immorality, but also many women excitedly proclaiming their eagerness to see it. In a startling and unsurprising twist, I’ve noticed that some of the women who give me a hearty ‘AMEN’ every time I write a post condemning pornography, are the same ones gushing frantically about this film. They don’t want their husbands watching porn, but they’ll not only watch and read porn themselves — they’ll advertise that fact to the entire world. As if the hypocrisy isn’t bad enough, they had to add in a touch of public emasculation.
Classy move.
But it’s not too late to fix this.
The movie won’t be released for another several months, so there’s still time to make the right choice. Either millions of women (and some henpecked, kowtowing men) will run off to watch this trite, lascivious garbage while the movie executives laugh as they swim naked in their vat of freshly printed millions, or we will all stand up in one voice and say, “Alright, Hollywood, you appeal-to-the-lowest-common-denominator trolls, we won’t play this game any longer. We all might disagree about quite a bit, but we can certainly agree that we’re too smart, too moral, and we have too much character and self-respect to spend 10 dollars watching this monstrosity. Freedom!”
And then we’ll paint our faces blue and charge into battle.
Imagine the message that would send. Imagine the Hollywood elites as they look at one another, stunned and shell shocked. “Dear Lord, the plebeians have become self-aware. They have… standards. They won’t sit obediently and devour whatever load of vapid, lifeless excrement we try to shovel into their anonymous faces. The jig is up, boys, we’re doomed.”
Imagine. Just imagine it.
Farfetched? Perhaps. Unlikely? Maybe. Probably unachievable at this point? Yes, definitely, but let me dream. And, more than dream, let me try. Let me try to bring about this Utopia. Let me try to explain why you, women of America, are too good for this movie:
1) Because you aren’t stupid.
I confess that I haven’t read the book. In fact, if I found myself stranded on a desert island with just 50 Shades of Grey and a screwdriver, I would stab myself in the eyes with the tool so that the option to read the book would be permanently removed, even when I’m on the verge of going insane from boredom and solitude.
(Although I guess I could just toss the book in the ocean and then use the screwdriver for something more sensible, like opening coconuts. Too late now. Rookie mistake.)
But I don’t need to read it to know how incredibly, inconceivably idiotic it is.
Today, someone on Facebook quoted a line from the novel:
“Finally, my medulla oblongata recalls its purpose, I breathe.”
I thought this was a joke, so I looked it up.
Nope. Not a joke. Completely real. That line actually appears in a best selling piece of literature. That line was written by someone masquerading as an author, approved by someone masquerading as an editor, published by someone masquerading as a publisher, and then consumed by millions of people masquerading as literate.
I found some other excerpts that are almost as bad/good:
“That’s the bottom line. I want to be with him. My inner goddess sighs with relief.”
“Her curiosity oozes through the phone.”
“My scalp prickles as adrenaline and fury lance through my body, all my worst fears realized.”
“My inner goddess is beside herself, hopping from foot to foot.”
This is some very, very stupid material. It reads like a thesaurus procreated with a script from a soft core porn and then the baby fell into a vat of Lifetime Channel DVDs. My inner goddess is rolling her eyes, my inner brain is hurting.
I hope your medulla oblongata recalls its purpose and stops you from seeing this tripe.
2) Because you don’t go for cynical, boring, corporate marketing ploys.
This isn’t really a film. Film is art. Art exists for a reason. It speaks to us. It communicates a truth. Art is beautiful, moving, real.
This is a business decision. It’s about as artistic as the end cap display at the grocery store. It’s a marketing gimmick. It exists to be consumed, and for no other reason. It will enter into your mind — your medulla oblongata, if you will — and lessen you. It will steal another piece of your humanity. It’s the opposite of art — it’s a complete inversion. It is to art what a black hole is to the sun.
Nobody responsible for this movie ever at any point said to themselves, “Geez, now this is a story that really needs to be told.” It doesn’t need to be told and it isn’t a story. It’s loveless sex and degradation. No narrative, no message, no redemption. If that’s all you want, you’ll find plenty of it at the strip club down the street.
And if you just want to hear about a wealthy man who sexually manipulates and dehumanizes women, all you need to do is turn on the news. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, anyone? There’s your real life Christian Grey.
Yes, of course, plenty of other terrible movies have been conceived, produced, and released for absolutely no reason but to make money for Hollywood. The new entry in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series could be a perfect example of this. But, compared to 50 Shades of Grey, even a film about mutated, crime fighting turtles comes out looking like Casablanca.
3) Because you’re a Christian.
If you’re not a Christian then move on to the next point. If you are, then move on to Scripture:
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures. – Galatians 5:19
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. - Matthew 5:28 (in this particular case, substitute “man” and “him” with “woman” and “her”)
Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. – Ephesians 4:19
Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. - 1 Peter 4:1–3
But most importantly, we have to remember that sex is an act of love, an act of giving. And love has never been described better than this:
Love is patient, love is kind… it is not self-seeking… Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – Corinthians 13:4
The problem with the sex portrayed in this movie, or in any trashy romance novel you find at the airport, or in many other films and TV shows, or in many actual relationships, is that it’s always self-seeking, never honest, never truthful, never trusting, and never protecting. There is no hope in it, no kindness, no sacrifice. It’s selfish and removed, which makes it stale, which is why people tire of it so quickly and become so bored with it all, which is why they consume so much porn and bounce between so many different one night stands.
Christians might wrestle with these temptations, but they shouldn’t try to make excuses or pretend that it’s OK in this case because they really enjoyed the book. That’s nonsense, a cop out, and they know better.
4) Because you’re a feminist.
If you aren’t a feminist, this still applies. If you are a feminist, I can’t possibly understand how a disturbing fantasy about a wealthy man physically dominating a woman could ever be considered acceptable in your circle. Are we sure E.L. James isn’t Bill Clinton’s penname? Does John Edwards have a co-writing credit on this thing? I haven’t checked, but I’m half expecting Woody Allen or Roman Polanski to be listed on IMDb as executive producers.
I’ve long struggled to define feminism, but if 50 Shades of Grey makes the cut, then feminism is dead and buried.
Surely the movement is worthless if it won’t loudly reject a book about a woman’s adventures in being manhandled and used by an emotionally stunted playboy.
But surely feminism can easily clear a bar so low and finally condemn this mindless, guttural sewage.
And surely there is hope for our society if we can all awaken from our moral and intellectual slumber enough to come to our collective senses over 50 Shades of Grey.
Surely that is not too much to ask.
Surely.
Surely I am a naïve fool.
This thing will be a box office smash and we all know it.
Oh well. On the bright side, it’ll probably spawn 8 sequels and 14 remakes, which means I’ll be able to reuse this post a bunch of times.
I know somebody who read it and they are convinced the narrator was one who was a minor age.Your friend is not alone.
50 Shades of Grey Trilogy Normalizing Child Sex Abuse
SO glad Charlie Hunnam (Jax Teller of Sons of Anarchy) turned down the role of Grey...
Could not stand it!
bfl
:-)
Lol!
Maybe the only worth while feature of "50 shades" is providing is a big target upon which people can vent?
I do too and I read a good article once saying the same thing.
Afraid of jeopardizing your faith. Really! Oh that all our people felt that way!
You should read the article. It makes much more sense than the excerpt. And they are saying that Ana being “21” is not accurate, the book really describes a young girl. They make a compelling argument, in my opinion
I did read the article and it goes beyond a leap of logic. The book doesn’t describe a young girl, it describes a “dominant” training a “submissive”. Period. They completely misunderstand the concept of domination and submission in “50 shades” and use it as a wind mill to tilt against with all the myopia of Don Quixote. Far from a compelling argument, it misses the entire concept of the book, which is to present a well established fetish (BDSM) in alluring way to the general public.
Hold down the Alt key and type 0233 on the number pad, with the number lock off.
Several foreign letters can be typed this way, but some of the codes that are letters in other programs have special functions. Alt-0234, for example, acts like the back arrow on top of the browser window and erases the post that you are typing.
Alt 0233 - é, Alt 0232 - è
I wonder how well pseudo-pedo rape fantasies will do on screen?
I have read articles saying the same thing.
This is a pseudo-pedo rape fantasy
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