Interesting, only one LED is lit on the woman panel on the lower right side. Or, maybe it's not lit at all. Maybe it's just a reflection.
Posted on 07/18/2014 4:55:36 AM PDT by fulltlt
I can’t tell you where I was or who was there or when it happened. I don’t want to add to this guy’s humiliation, so I am keeping this vague and generic. I can simply tell you that, some time ago, I found myself in the same vicinity as another married couple.
I certainly can’t read their minds, and I don’t know what goes on behind the scenes, all I know is that the husband couldn’t seem to utter a single phrase that wouldn’t provoke exaggerated eye-rolling from his wife.
She disagreed with everything he said.
She contradicted nearly every statement.
She nagged him.
She brought up a “funny” story that made him out to be incompetent and foolish. He laughed, but he was embarrassed.
She was gutting him right in front of us. Emasculating him. Neutering him. Damaging him.
It was excruciating.
It was tragic.
It also was, or is becoming, pretty par-for-the-course.
The respect deficiency in our culture has reached crisis levels.
I’ve discussed at length how men should treat women. I’ve written about the lessons I plan to teach my son; lessons about how he should love, honor, respect, serve, and protect the women in his life. Indeed, men need to respect women, and we, as men, are far from perfect in that regard.
Those posts — the ones where I call on us men to improve the way we treat women — tend to be very popular. They’re popular when I write them or when anyone writes them. Proclaim that women, mothers, and wives should be respected, and a chorus will shout ‘amen.’ Every day on Facebook brings us another viral post excoriating men and supporting women. I’ve written a few of them myself.
But I’ve noticed that the corollary – a message about the respect women must give men, a message challenging wives and encouraging husbands – isn’t quite so palatable for many people. Disrespect for men has become standard practice. That scene I witnessed was sad but unremarkable; we’ve all watched that kind of thing play out a thousand times over.
Men are disrespected by their wives – they’re disrespected publicly, they’re disrespected privately, they’re disrespected and then told that they have no right to be upset about it because they aren’t worthy of respect in the first place.
Disrespect for men is a joke to us now. A little while ago I stopped on the way home from work to buy my wife some flowers. As she rang me up, the cashier quipped: “Uh-oh, what’d you do?” I wasn’t particularly amused, but I chuckled. She continued. “I don’t know if this’ll be enough to get you off the couch tonight!”
Ah, yes, the old “husband is punished by his wife and sent to the couch” meme. I’m not sure if this actually happens in real life, or if it’s an invention of 90′s “all men are fat, witless, oafs” sitcoms, but the popularity of the stereotype is telling. Is this how we see husbands now? A man gets “in trouble” with his wife, she scolds him and puts him in time-out on the couch. Now he has to placate his alpha-bride by showering her with flowers and jewelry.
Men are painted like children or dogs. They can be shooed off of their own beds by their wives and sent to cower in the living room until she permits him to return. This is only slightly less offensive than the cliché of the sadistic wife who punitively withholds sex from her husband. “You didn’t clean the garage like I told you. No sex for you, mister! Next time, follow my instructions!”
Did you ever see this Samsung ad from several months ago?
A worthless, grunting, Neanderthal of a husband instantly “evolves” when his wife plugs a contraption into his back. The ad caused a slight dust up when they released it, but nothing — NOTHING — like it would have if the husband and wife had switched roles in this charming piece of viral marketing.
But with men on the receiving end, a few people complained, some angry Youtube comments were posted, Samsung sales were unscathed, and everyone quickly moved on with their lives.
That’s because disrespect for men isn’t exactly a trendy outrage.
These cultural messages aren’t harmful because they hurt my manly feelings; they’re harmful because of what they do to young girls. Society tells our daughters that men are boorish dolts who need to be herded like goats and lectured like school boys. Then they grow up and enter into marriage wholly unprepared and unwilling to accept the Biblical notion that “wives should submit to their husbands” because “the husband is the head of the wife.” [Ephesians 5]
It is a fatal problem, because the one thing that is consistently withheld from men and husbands — respect — is the one thing we need the most.
Yes, need. We need respect, and that need is so deeply ingrained that a marriage cannot possibly survive if the man is deprived of it.
Often, people will say that a husband should only be respected if he “earns” it. This attitude is precisely the problem. A wife ought to respect her husband because he is her husband, just as he ought to love and honor her because she is his wife. Your husband might “deserve” it when you mock him, berate him, belittle him, and nag him, but you don’t marry someone in order to give them what they deserve. In marriage, you give them what you’ve promised them, even when they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain.
This doesn’t mean that a man has a license to be lazy, or abusive, or uncaring. He is challenged to live up to the respect his wife affords him. If his wife parcels out her respect on some sort of reward system basis, the husband has nothing for which to strive. As the respect diminishes, so too does his motivation to behave respectably. Respect is wielded like a ransom against him, and he grows more isolated and distant all the while.
They both swirl in circles around the drain. He fails, so she gives him no respect, and then he continues to fail because he feels disrespected, and she continues to give him no respect because he continues to fail. And so on, and so on, and so on, all the way to the divorce attorney.
The same thing happens with love. If love is unconditional, then the light of love always shines in your marriage, even in its darkest times. But if your love is given in direct proportion to your spouse’s ability to “earn” it, then it will inevitably diminish and fade over time.
Love in a marriage is, as people often point out, a choice. But it’s also a duty. So is respect. I love my wife because I choose to love her. I choose to love her because that is the vow I made; it is my charge, my warrant. Luckily, it’s usually pretty easy to love my wife because she’s kind, warmhearted, and beautiful. But if she becomes less kind, and I withdraw my love because of it, then my love was never love to begin with. It was just a pleasant feeling; a natural response to her nicer tendencies.
This is not to say that women should tolerate a man who fails in his duties, but that her intolerance for his failures can only be constructive if it is rooted in respect. Sadly, many women will approach their husbands and say: “You need to stop doing such and such or start doing such and such, because you’re a failure and I don’t respect you.”
She might not explicitly state this, but it is the message she implicitly sends. There is zero chance that this message will help to heal the damage; it only plunges another dagger into the already gaping wound.
A few months ago I wrote a post about pornography. I stand by every word I typed, but I feel like I could add another couple thousand sentences to the end of it. Ever since I published that piece, I have heard from hundreds and hundreds of men and women on both sides of the porn problem.
Men emailed to tell me that they developed a porn habit and it did great damage to their marriage. But they told me that they resorted to porn after years of being disrespected, shunned and belittled by their wives. They weren’t making an excuse — only offering some perspective and context.
And hundreds of women told me that their husbands developed a porn habit and it caused them to lose all respect for them. This inability to respect their husbands nearly, or in some cases completely, wrecked their marriage.
A vicious cycle. The men didn’t want to fight for a marriage if they weren’t respected, and the women didn’t want to respect men who wouldn’t fight for their marriage. He withholds his love, she withholds her respect. They’ve both set fire to the thing that needs to be fixed.
Respect is our language. If it isn’t said with respect, we can’t hear it. This is why nagging is ineffective and self defeating. This is why statements made in sarcastic tones, or with rolling eyes, will never be received well. We have a filter in our brains, and a statement made in disrespect will be filtered out like the poison it is.
Men are notoriously reluctant to share feelings or display vulnerability. Many times, we keep those inner thoughts locked away — our feelings guarded and hidden — because we know we are not respected. A man will never be vulnerable to someone who doesn’t respect him. Never.
A man isn’t satisfied or content if he isn’t respected. If he can’t find respect where he is, he will seek it somewhere else. This can have disastrous implications for a relationship, but it applies in other areas of life as well. A man is much more likely to stay in a low paying job, a physically demanding job, a dangerous job, or a tedious job, than a job where he isn’t respected.
I’m only emphasizing this because I think it might actually be news to some people. Society does not permit men to be vocal about their need for respect, so the need is often ignored.
I could sit here all day adding “yes, but husbands also need to…” disclaimers. I won’t, because I’ve probably written a dozen or more times on that subject. Every once in a while, I think we should talk about what wives need to do. And here it is. This, above all else. Respect your husbands. Even when he doesn’t deserve it.
Well these young guys are taught by people on both sides of the political spectrum that they are 2nd fiddle to girls.
The left constantly hammers boys that they are oppressors with “male privilege” and that every effort must be made to help girls in school, and everywhere else while boys dont even get recess in a lot of places.
Then on our side you have these hicks that brag about how if a boy comes to date their little princess, then they are going to make sure they see them “polishing their rifle”. Like what is that going to tell a boy? That if that tart gets moody, then her bonehead dad might come after you? She’s protected and he is automatically seen as a problem that needs to be tamed for her “protection”. No one backs up the male.
You can’t love a mate that you don’t respect. Respect has to be learned.
Great article and I would recommend to anyone here who doesn’t usually follow Matt’s writing to do so. Lots of common sense (and Biblical) wisdom. The left can’t stand him.
Generally, women don’t respect men.
Many women want to be treated like minor children.
All toys and fun, no responsibility. Look at the “outrage” of having to pay for their contraception.
Many are begging to become kept objects.
momma ain’t happy, nobody happy.
I thought the point of the article is women are being taught that men don’t deserve respect.
If a man says or does anything to demand respect then he’s seen as a whiny baby, as several posts on this thread demonstrate.
FYI
I have been married for 30+ years. I still love my wife very much and don't ever think such thoughts as you presented here. I don't drink hardly any at all. Never did get into drinking a lot after seeing what too much drinking did to both of my grandfathers. My wife does respect me. I guess I got one of the good ones.
“momma ain’t happy, nobody happy”
Which is a BS way to live.
I just ripped my old boss a new one. Five years of abuse and scrappy management from this creep.
Man it felt great.
Women do need the emotional security blanket of being loved and men need the emotional security blanket of being needed; we both need to be wanted by the other.
Here’s the real story:
Yet he did not even mention,
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (1 Peter 3:5-6)
Or,
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:7-9)
Without Scripture, this an exhortation without its foundational ethos.
Then it sounds like YOU have a problem. A man's job is to BE respectable. .that's it. . not to keep track of which woman recognizes it or not. . .I could care less. . .if "women" can't respect men. .that's their problem. .however, I have found that "women" LOVE a confident genuinely respectable man. The guy who wrote this article needs to man-up a bit. . like when he gets his panties all twisted over the clerk who was joking about his motive for buying the flowers. . .hell, she was just being friendly. . .lighten up and play along. . . and then say something like, "no. .not this time. . this time she EARNED these flowers". . .Look. .the truth is. . it is a woman's nature to idolize a truly respectable man. . .a woman is not truly happy until she finds a man she can trust, love and, . . .hell, worship. . .(yea. . I said it. .take a picture of it. . send it to 'em!!)
> Women will never respect a whiny man-baby
Rule # 1 - be a godly man of respect and you will probably be respected. Be strong and honorable and no whining
Rule # 2 - treat her with respect. If you are being disrespected its possible that they may be reflecting back what you are giving them
Rule # 3 - don’t take offense to what they are saying. People say stupid stuff. Some of my comments on this forum prove it.
Rule # 4 - spend time with each other outside the home snd enjoy each ither’s company. Go to church, movies, find a hobby you both like and do it together, take vacations or mini-trips. If you don’t have money there’s always fishing, hiking, or going on picnics. People that enjoy each other’s company are less likely to pick at and be critical of each other.
Rule # 5 - keep yourself attractive. Workout, groom, and dress fashionably (within reason). Some people just let themselves go and then wonder why their mate looks at them differently now.
Just my.02
Interesting, only one LED is lit on the woman panel on the lower right side. Or, maybe it's not lit at all. Maybe it's just a reflection.
The underlying takeaway from this is that NONE of the dials have any function label associated with them. Knobs and dials and nobody even knows what they do and how they work!
Post 36. . .excellent! (sounds like the voice of experience!)
LOL!!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.