SBG, God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind..2 Timothy 1:7
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:28-39
God does not give us things that we cannot handle. There is something to be learned out of this experience. Perhaps he wants you to be alone for a little bit to be able to HEAR the message he has been giving you. SOmetimes the noise of our lives makes it easy to ignore them. My Dad went to Hawaii for 6 months and lived in a bee and cane spider infested trailer. He had to learn to take care of himself and his needs instead of being dependent on my mom, and it was then he appreciated what she had done for him for so many years. He also heard other messages he was being sent about compassion, love, and letting go of his own self hatred he developed during a childhood of severe abuse.
Bottom line here, 1) you are not alone. You will have to take care of yourself. Two different things. 2) This is an opportunity for you. What that opportunity is, I can’t say. 3) You are ok. You will be ok. Take a deep breath, and start listening. The message is there, you just have not heard it yet. This is your chance.
I hope things get better for you. In the process of your learning, involve your wife. Her inability to discuss what is bothering her is part of the problem, certainly. Be that as it may, you will get something out of that process as well, perhaps far more than you can imagine now.
God bless you, he is beside you even now!~
D
Whatever the problem was, she chose to leave rather than allowing you and her to work it through. Keep that in mind.
You will have an easier time replacing her, than she will in replacing you.
This will sound like very strange advice but I’ll let-er-rip anyway!
Take a pictures of your current surroundings(home, pets, children, cars, friends, favorite foods, all the things that you think make you happy).
Now, this will be the hard part, look at those pictures and imagine to yourself how much more fun if she weren’t around around. Forget your emotions for just a few moments as you do this.
Now picture yourself making yourself happy in the future in those pictures and decide for yourself which ones that cannot still be accomplished were she not involved
Form a plan to make that happen and follow through with it!
Good Luck and make sure you put yourself first because you need YOU to survive first and foremost.
I understand your pain savedbygrace and will keep you in my prayers.
Work everyday on keeping a sense of humor...it’s important to find at least 1 thing to laugh at everyday...that’s just one easy bit of advice i can give you...just hang in there..time TRULY heals all...that is fact...not just a simple phrase thrown around.
“Golden Retriever as a companion”
That dog can love you and keep you company better than most women. Mine is so co-dependent that he constantly just wants to rest his head on me and be petted.
I know from experience that a crisis can either drive us toward God or away from God. And the choice is ours to make. It sounds like you have chosen the former path.
Be sure to never let your daughter hear negative things from you about her mother.
I will pray for you.
Important to remember, women can smell self pity 10 miles away, so keep your chin up man!
One minute your life is one way and the next day everything is turned upside down. I thank God I had my children.
I didn't date for quite a while. I used the time alone for reflection. I used the time to grieve all I had lost .... my husband, in-laws, friends, income, etc.
I spent time with a few close friends. I appreciated the very smallest things. Like a ray of sunshine on an autumn day and my cat rubbing against my leg.
Believe me, it will get better, but it will take time and you will meet someone, someday and you will be happier than ever before. I know because it happened to me. I have been happily married for 15 years to my second husband.
I found myself in the same situation as you 5 years ago. I was to blame for a lot but so was she. In my case though she started sneaking around with guys behind my back while we were trying to repair the relationship. Took a long time of being alone and forgiving myself for what I had done to add to the end of it. Now I am finally over it and 5 years later I am 42 dating a 23 year old blond knockout and I am happy. Will this relationship be forever? Probably not but for now we just enjoy each other and have fun without being totally committed. For me and her at this time it is the perfect relationship.
“I’m needy.”
There’s your problem man. This is a very unnatractive quality. Also, you mention being a devout Christian. Nothing wrong with that, especially if it gives you strength and comfort.
However, is your wife a devout Christian too? If she’s not, maybe your beliefs turned her off. Not saying that’s right, just maybe a reality.
Do 2 hours a day of PT, eat right, and take that dog for long walks. You’ll start to feel better.
Then ask your ex for some assistance with a banking issue;
drive her into the California desert and let the coyotes scatter her bones.
And, remember ZZ Top's observation, "there a lot-a nice girls out there"
When you find one, treat her in such a way as to make the ex jade-green with envy.
All will be well.
I’m very sorry this has happened to you.
Women will sometimes come back if she sees true change heart. I recommend that you get into counseling yourself with a Christian counselor who can help you with the issues that you understand are your fault. These issues will follow you all your life do if you deal now, whether or not your marriage is salvageable you will have a better starting point.
Prayer bump Hang in there. Things have a way of working out for the better but faith and trust in God is the main thing. Don’t go a day without reading the word.
I went through a big breakup like this 6 years ago. Today I am a New Man, and even better than ever. God did a work in me that only the pain could bring. Just don’t do the thing that I did shortly after the breakup, and that was to follow some unwise man’s advice that “the best way to get over a woman is to get under another one”.