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Zombie attacks might increase due to global warming, study shows
http://wmbriggs.com/blog/2008/01/31/zombie-attacks-might-increase-due-to-global-warming-study-shows/ ^ | William M Briggs

Posted on 01/31/2008 3:36:33 PM PST by mattstat

A new study by scientists has suggested that zombie attacks might increase if the current projections of global warming are realized. “If the earth gets warmer, it means longer springs, summers, and falls, and shorter winters,” said John Carpenter-Romero, Ph.D., a zombie-ologist who co-authored the study. “And shorter winters means more time for the undead to prey on the populace.”

Dr. Harrister, the other co-author, and head of Zombie Robotics at Wayward Robot, Inc., explained that cold winters typically stalled the walking dead. “It is well known that zombies can’t operate in cold weather. It freezes their brains.”

The pair calculated a 32.782412% increase in zombie attacks if CO2 increased to twice its pre-industrial rate. “Clearly, this is a very troubling result,” said Dr. Harrister, “If we don’t do something soon, the streets will be filled with blood.”


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: allyourzotrbelong2us; callingartbell; globalwarming; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; undead; undeadthread; zombies; zotemifyougotem
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To: dynachrome

Right on, my zombie-slaying brother! We stand back to back and live to fight another day!

Congratulations! You made it! You climbed on top of others at times, helped out the ones you thought you could save, but regardless of your level of altruism, you’ve survived the zombie apocalypse. Your knowledge of weaponry, quick thinking, smart planning, and cold efficiency have saved your life. Go on and boogie—you deserve it.

6640 other people got this result!
This quiz has been taken 12389 times.
60% of people had this result.

I kinda feel a little bad for the other 5,749 people (who are probably now 5,749 new zombies)...


1,461 posted on 02/14/2008 4:30:17 PM PST by NonLinear ("They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -Thomas B Reed)
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To: NonLinear

I only trust thee and me. and I am kinda wondering about thee! (where did I leave that machete)


1,462 posted on 02/14/2008 4:31:50 PM PST by dynachrome (Immigration without assimilation means the death of this nation~Captainpaintball)
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To: dynachrome; NonLinear; Darksheare; Monkey Face; Dead Corpse
"I only trust thee and me. and I am kinda wondering about thee! (where did I leave that machete)"

Now you know why our spider robots can fill up a hallway without even spreading their legs.

1,463 posted on 02/14/2008 4:41:50 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Hillary is a member of the Senate, but the house is circling overhead . . .)
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To: NicknamedBob; dynachrome; NonLinear; Monkey Face; Dead Corpse

Don’t forget the pulsed plasma point projector designed specifically for burning out zombie virus infections.


1,464 posted on 02/14/2008 5:21:04 PM PST by Darksheare (Do you or anyone you know suffer from Bunny on the Head?)
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To: Dead Corpse; Darksheare; NicknamedBob; dynachrome; NonLinear; Monkey Face

Dead Corpse,

This thread is right in your wheelhouse!
A star is born, uh, exhumed, uh, resurrected, oh bother!


1,465 posted on 02/14/2008 6:14:22 PM PST by NonLinear ("They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -Thomas B Reed)
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To: dynachrome
I only trust thee and me. and I am kinda wondering about thee! (where did I leave that machete)

It was barely even a nick! Not a proper bite by any means...I'm sure it's nothing...
1,466 posted on 02/14/2008 6:17:38 PM PST by NonLinear ("They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -Thomas B Reed)
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To: A CA Guy; Aloysius88; Army Air Corps; Conspiracy Guy; darkangel82; Darksheare; Dead Corpse; ...

The com panel on the wall suddenly crackled to life, and amid the din of howling machinery that erupted from the speaker, a familiar voice could be faintly discerned shouting “Happy Valentine’s Day!!!”

The “Rx” indicator blinked out leaving peace and serenity free to return from the sheltered corners to which they had fled.

As they again settled themselves in the room, a faint “whirring noise announced the arrival of a parcel via the automated delivery system. The door moved smoothly aside, and into the receiving compartment slid a bright red heart-shaped box of exotic European confections, and a glass-encased boquet of exquisitely crafted roses made of various metal foils.

“To: My Castle-dwelling Compatriots” read the parcel tags, which were signed,

HKMk23
Seneschal, The Infinite EMF

P.S. — Enjoy!


1,467 posted on 02/14/2008 6:49:00 PM PST by HKMk23 ("Benedict Arnold was a war hero..." [https://www.gopusa.com/commentary/tsowell/2008/ts_02011.shtml])
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To: HKMk23

Thanks! We’re looking at Offspring (again) if we Enjoy too much, but ...


1,468 posted on 02/14/2008 6:53:39 PM PST by Tax-chick ("Good guy wins, bad guy gets dead. Nothing to cry over here." ~ trimom)
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To: Tax-chick; HKMk23

Not to worry, you still have a closet or two that isn’t human occupied.


1,469 posted on 02/14/2008 7:03:23 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Hillary is a member of the Senate, but the house is circling overhead . . .)
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To: NicknamedBob

True, but it’s full of camping gear, and occasionally the snake. (Although she hasn’t been able to shift the “History of the Catholic Church in Alaska,” yet.)


1,470 posted on 02/14/2008 7:05:41 PM PST by Tax-chick ("Good guy wins, bad guy gets dead. Nothing to cry over here." ~ trimom)
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To: HKMk23; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; sionnsar
"... a faint “whirring noise announced the arrival of a parcel via the automated delivery system."

I'm glad to see someone is remembering to use the automated delivery system. Not that energy is a problem, but the wear and tear on the spherical elevator cars and their tubeways could be lessened if more use were made of the delivery systems.

I'm just being grumpy. The spherical elevator cars move by magnetic control. There's very little wear. The door seals take a beating, though.

1,471 posted on 02/14/2008 7:10:39 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Hillary is a member of the Senate, but the house is circling overhead . . .)
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To: Tax-chick
"True, but it’s full of camping gear, and occasionally the snake. (Although she hasn’t been able to shift the “History of the Catholic Church in Alaska,” yet.)"

If you had worked your way up to that from the “History of the Catholic Church in Rhode Island", she'd have biceps by now like you wouldn't believe.

1,472 posted on 02/14/2008 7:14:40 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Hillary is a member of the Senate, but the house is circling overhead . . .)
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To: NicknamedBob

Good point! Let’s all prevent damage to the Castle and its contents, folks! Don’t let the Offspring run amok with markers!


1,473 posted on 02/14/2008 7:14:42 PM PST by Tax-chick ("Good guy wins, bad guy gets dead. Nothing to cry over here." ~ trimom)
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To: NicknamedBob

LOL!

To be tedious, though, I think Rhode Island has more Catholics than Alaska.


1,474 posted on 02/14/2008 7:15:30 PM PST by Tax-chick ("Good guy wins, bad guy gets dead. Nothing to cry over here." ~ trimom)
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To: mattstat

I didn’t get any Valentine’s cards today. Damn that Global Warming! :`(


1,475 posted on 02/14/2008 7:24:32 PM PST by TigersEye (This is the age of the death of reason.)
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To: Tax-chick; Dead Corpse

And snakes don’t have biceps, even though they are really good at doing curls.


1,476 posted on 02/14/2008 7:29:31 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Hillary is a member of the Senate, but the house is circling overhead . . .)
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To: TigersEye
"I didn’t get any Valentine’s cards today. Damn that Global Warming!"

Darn! That's a tough one!

Global Warming / Bush's Fault ...
Global Warming / Bush's Fault ...
Global Warming / Bush's Fault ...
Global Warming / Bush's Fault ...

Tough call, really.

1,477 posted on 02/14/2008 7:32:54 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Hillary is a member of the Senate, but the house is circling overhead . . .)
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To: NicknamedBob

That figures. I voted for him twice...and not even a card.


1,478 posted on 02/14/2008 7:37:17 PM PST by TigersEye (This is the age of the death of reason.)
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To: TigersEye

I got mine.

It was a Christmas card, but still ...


1,479 posted on 02/14/2008 7:40:00 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Hillary is a member of the Senate, but the house is circling overhead . . .)
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To: Darksheare
Is it ear cleaning time again already?

Good... bonfire this weekend then...

1,480 posted on 02/14/2008 7:50:44 PM PST by Dead Corpse (What would a free man do?)
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