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Zombie attacks might increase due to global warming, study shows
http://wmbriggs.com/blog/2008/01/31/zombie-attacks-might-increase-due-to-global-warming-study-shows/ ^ | William M Briggs

Posted on 01/31/2008 3:36:33 PM PST by mattstat

A new study by scientists has suggested that zombie attacks might increase if the current projections of global warming are realized. “If the earth gets warmer, it means longer springs, summers, and falls, and shorter winters,” said John Carpenter-Romero, Ph.D., a zombie-ologist who co-authored the study. “And shorter winters means more time for the undead to prey on the populace.”

Dr. Harrister, the other co-author, and head of Zombie Robotics at Wayward Robot, Inc., explained that cold winters typically stalled the walking dead. “It is well known that zombies can’t operate in cold weather. It freezes their brains.”

The pair calculated a 32.782412% increase in zombie attacks if CO2 increased to twice its pre-industrial rate. “Clearly, this is a very troubling result,” said Dr. Harrister, “If we don’t do something soon, the streets will be filled with blood.”


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: allyourzotrbelong2us; callingartbell; globalwarming; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; undead; undeadthread; zombies; zotemifyougotem
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To: Snickering Hound

LOLOLOL! That is hilarious!

1,141 posted on 02/10/2008 10:45:41 PM PST by NRA2BFree ("The time is near at hand which must determine whether Americans are to be free men or slaves!")
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To: Monkey Face

As John Candy sleeps...

So should I.

Unfortunately, I have to ride home first.


1,142 posted on 02/10/2008 10:56:43 PM PST by rottndog (This tagline currently closed for maintenance and rehabilitation.)
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To: NRA2BFree; sionnsar; Darksheare; Dead Corpse; Tax-chick; FRiends; NicknamedBob; All
Hello! Do you know you've fallen into the Undead Thread?
If not........ it looks as though you're ready for whatever came your way.... Welcome! We're always happy to get fresh meat ideas!

Having an arsenal is a good thing!

1,143 posted on 02/10/2008 11:05:58 PM PST by Monkey Face (A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.)
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To: Monkey Face; NRA2BFree

Having an arsenal is mandatory around here....what, with all the flying pleisiosaurs and stuff...


1,144 posted on 02/10/2008 11:31:38 PM PST by rottndog (This tagline currently closed for maintenance and rehabilitation.)
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To: rottndog

You home, yet?


1,145 posted on 02/10/2008 11:35:32 PM PST by Monkey Face (A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.)
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To: rottndog
I have alway admired Burt and Heather Gummer family arsenal.

1,146 posted on 02/10/2008 11:37:51 PM PST by ThomasThomas (Pro football is just a nanny state version of rugby!)
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To: ThomasThomas

EK-SELL-ENT!!!

Hiya, TT!

What are you doing here so late?


1,147 posted on 02/10/2008 11:39:42 PM PST by Monkey Face (A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.)
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To: Monkey Face
I am just getting an early start on tomorrow.
1,148 posted on 02/10/2008 11:44:33 PM PST by ThomasThomas (Pro football is just a nanny state version of rugby!)
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To: Monkey Face

Just now sqeezing into those chaps...

I’ll be on the road in 5 minutes.


1,149 posted on 02/10/2008 11:44:46 PM PST by rottndog (This tagline currently closed for maintenance and rehabilitation.)
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To: ThomasThomas
I have alway admired Burt and Heather Gummer family arsenal.

Oh...so you're a minimalist when it comes to firearms?
1,150 posted on 02/10/2008 11:45:46 PM PST by rottndog (This tagline currently closed for maintenance and rehabilitation.)
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To: ThomasThomas

Me, too, *she says, coyly*

Strange stuff, this...


1,151 posted on 02/10/2008 11:46:34 PM PST by Monkey Face (A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.)
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To: rottndog

OY!

Why do you work on Sundays?


1,152 posted on 02/10/2008 11:47:18 PM PST by Monkey Face (A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.)
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To: Monkey Face

Well, customer brings in part on Friday, says must have it on Monday, drops big $$ on my desk in exchange for promise of delivery, and Saturday is taken up with some far more important business.

That leaves Sunday. Which is now just minutes from Monday.

Got my chaps on. I wonder if the Blue Oyster Bar is open this late on Sundays....


1,153 posted on 02/10/2008 11:50:44 PM PST by rottndog (This tagline currently closed for maintenance and rehabilitation.)
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To: Monkey Face

And now I really must be going.

See Ya!


1,154 posted on 02/10/2008 11:52:21 PM PST by rottndog (This tagline currently closed for maintenance and rehabilitation.)
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To: rottndog

How would it be if you told said customer that you didn’t work on Sundays?
Would s/he tell you they would pay extra? And what if you said it didn’t matter, Sundays were out?
I bet, if you didn’t work Sundays for an entire month, your bottom line would look MUCH better...


1,155 posted on 02/10/2008 11:57:24 PM PST by Monkey Face (A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.)
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To: rottndog; Monkey Face
Rotting Onslaught - To be added

1,156 posted on 02/11/2008 12:01:43 AM PST by ThomasThomas (Pro football is just a nanny state version of rugby!)
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To: ThomasThomas

OY!!!
The sound effects alone are enough to send me screaming into the darkness.....


1,157 posted on 02/11/2008 12:10:36 AM PST by Monkey Face (A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.)
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To: Monkey Face

Good morning, Undead!


1,158 posted on 02/11/2008 4:17:07 AM PST by Tax-chick ("Good guy wins, bad guy gets dead. Nothing to cry over here." ~ metmom)
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To: Tax-chick

Good Morning, T-C!

Um, it’s Monday, isn’t it? I just knew it.

Why does this have to happen to me?


1,159 posted on 02/11/2008 5:03:50 AM PST by NicknamedBob (When will John McCain realize those MSM slaps on the back were just posting "Kick Me!" signs?)
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To: NicknamedBob

Yes, it’s Monday here, too. And it’s cold.


1,160 posted on 02/11/2008 5:29:30 AM PST by Tax-chick ("Good guy wins, bad guy gets dead. Nothing to cry over here." ~ metmom)
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