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DUmmie FUnnies 09-18-06 ("Yesterday, I Bought a Gun")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | September 18, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 09/18/2006 6:06:49 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

Remember the movie, The American President? It was standard liberal claptrap written by Aaron ("West Wing") Sorkin. The climax of this forgettable flick was a chip-on-the-shoulder speech by President Andrew Shepherd in which he strongly supported the banning of assault weapons and handguns. That was unquestioned liberal orthodoxy eleven years ago when that movie was made. However, it now appears that the Left has not only ditched the gun control shtick but now actively advocates arming themselves. Not against criminals but to fight against EVIL Republicans. They have even recently embraced the movie, "Red Dawn" which has until recently been denounced as a rightwing flick. Now the DUmmies are embracing this movie as a blueprint for their own imagined survivalist struggle against the Republicans where they fantasize themselves as leftwing Wolverines. This complete change in attitude towards guns can be seen in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Yesterday, I Bought a Gun." So let us now join the DUmmies as they fantasize themselves as leftist gunslingers in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing a bullet-proof vest, is in the [brackets]:

Yesterday, I Bought a Gun.

[WOLVERINES!!!]

It's a nice .223 mod. What did I buy it for you ask? Protection, nope. Hunting, nope. Harm to Others, Nope. I bought it for the day in my life when a war comes to my backdoor. I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door.

[Of course, this DUmmie doesn't even consider the possibility of a struggle with ACTUAL Muslim terrorists.]

With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.

[First you have to learn how to aim.]

However, what if this "conflict" never happens, what will I do with this gun? It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.

[You'll be buried under a pile of empty pizza cartons in a testament to your useless life in mommy's basement. Perhaps a friend will ennoble your pathetic existence by setting fire to those pizza cartons to give you a faux Viking funeral.]

For when the sword is mighter than the pen, you will live to see another day.

[Is that from "The Two Towers" or "Return of the King?"]

PS, I hope there are some ammo stores availabe during the apocolypse. Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.

[Even worse, you won't be able to buy toilet paper.]

They steal another election and we'll all be buying guns.

[You can then shoot yourself with a paintgun.]

I'm just saying that another round of Republican rule and we'll all have to become survivalists, 'cuz they don't seem to understand their responsibility to the public when catastrophe hits.

[Can you survive without order out pizza for a week?]

Hey, I'll tell you one other thing, there's a hippy farm about 30 miles from where I live. Hell I'll just head down there. The feds never mess with their "Hemp" production.

[Smoke all the hemp you want. Why change your lifestyle?]

Russian soldiers refused to fire on their countrymen... ---- And American soldiers, except for a few nutcases, will do so, too. In fact, it is highly unlikely that the Pentagon would follow the neocons down the path to military dictatorship. Not everyone is as crazy as the PNAC. ---- But just for the record, the American population is just about the best-armed civilian population on Earth. Those attempting to enforce widespread martial law would be faced off against 30-40 million armed Americans,.... who, after the first week, would have M-16's, too. ---- Thomas Jefferson could scarcely have imagined where history and technology would lead, but he understood human nature. 2nd amendment gun rights are not about hunting or recreation.

[I'm tempted to make the LOUSY FREEPER TROLL accusation but now I'm not so sure since the DUmmies have done a big one-eighty on the topic of gun control when they started thinking they would have to fight the EVIL Republicans.]

As far as a personal arsenal goes, I'd recommend one handgun (concealable defensive weapon,) one 12 gauge shotgun, and one rifle such as an AR-15, Kalashnikov, M-1 Garand or SKS.

[A DUmmie munitions expert weighs in.]

JOIN THE NRA NOW!!!!.....AND SHOW Them that libs and progressives beleieve in the right to bare arms.....

[Benburch believes in the right to bare buttocks.]

Lets satrt the DRA !!!

[DUmmie Rifle Association.]

But, at this point in time, there are other things to be concerned about and plan for. For instance, there's no doubt the blog-o-sphere has hurt these bastards. What happens if they decide to take it down under the guise of some free market bullshit? We all KNOW the corporate media hates the competition. One day DU just doesn't come up anymore. What multiplies our strength is the ability to communicate and get the truth out. It would be prudent to have other options available, wouldn't it ?

[Don't worry. I told Karl Rove to keep the blog-o-sphere up and running since you DUmmies are such a rich source for DUFU comedy material.]

Yep, and if you're going to use your gun to fight fascists, those fascists are likely to be in the form of a SWAT team, so you'll want to aim for the head, as the torso will be heavily armored.

[And of course the fascists that this DUmmie means are EVIL Republicans, not actual Islamofascist terrorists.]

I used to be adamantly anti-gun. No more. I haven't bought a gun yet, but I've thought about it.

[Especially after watching the "V For Vendetta" fantasy.]

I recently bought one too... It's a nice .40cal Ruger Semi-Auto, and it scares the living hell out of me. I've taken it out the the shooting range a few times now and there are no questions that it will obliterate anything unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. I hope to God that never happens, but I'm starting to feel a sense of security when I think about the fundamentalist nut jobs taking to the streets to bring us all to Jesus... If you start pushing your religious ideology on the rest of us, or dicking around with our civil rights, you'd best skip my place...

[Another DUmmie apparently unaware of the proclivities of REAL LIFE decapitating Islamofascist terrorists. Instead he lives in a "V For Vendetta" dreamworld.]

i am also armed with a .223 M4 carbine. The perfect CQB weapon next to the MP5, but can 'reach out and touch someone' effectively at 300 meters. You may want a sidearm too, a 9mm or .45ACP, as a last ditch defense or for a suicide out in a no-win worst case scenario. In these insane times its a sane choice to have a service weapon to defend your home. It's what's commonly referred to an STHF scenario, or Shit Hit The Fan, when society collapses into turmoil from civil unrest, catastrophic disasters, tyrannical government, religious fanatics, or zombies rising from the dead.

[I recommend you go straight to that suicide scenario from the get-go.]

As for the Microwave units that will undoubtedly be used against the populace at some point, since we're all guinea pigs to them anyway, bring a roll of TIN FOIL, drop it to the ground as you hang onto the free end of the roll in front of your body - creating a shield, and not only will it offer some protection, it will also play havoc with the unit sending the microwaves, especially if a BUNCH of people aimed the waves right back at them.

[And don't forget to roll that tinfoil into the shape of a hat to wear on your head.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2a; 2ndamendment; bang; banglist; democrats; dummies; guns; nra; rkba; secondamendment; tinfoil
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To: CarryaBigStick

I have GOT to know the story behind that picture. Is it from a movie or some sort of staged action. What's with the Catholic School uniform? Questions, Questions.


181 posted on 09/19/2006 4:12:58 PM PDT by Shooter 2.5 (Vote a Straight Republican Ballot. Rid the country of dems. NRA)
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To: mnehrling; MindBender26
"Da Dude probably wouldn't recognise a Garand if he triped over it..."

"Have you ever noticed that whenever DUmmies talk about buying guns it is always hard to get or expensive models that are mostly found on movies?"

I contend they get this from games such as Call to Duty. If we must fight this upcoming civil war with WWII weapons, can I have a BAR?

182 posted on 09/19/2006 4:29:40 PM PDT by gate2wire (Never Forget.)
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To: Budge

LOL. Excellent. I'll donate the bullets.


183 posted on 09/19/2006 4:31:16 PM PDT by gate2wire (Never Forget.)
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To: Risha

Welcome aboard, PINGEE #925.


184 posted on 09/19/2006 5:23:42 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix

I'd imagine that with what is going on in Hungary and Thailand, there would be oodles of material over in DUmmieland today....


185 posted on 09/19/2006 5:26:11 PM PDT by MikefromOhio ("...America has confronted evil before, and we have defeated it...")
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To: MichiganConservative

Someone ought to trace their IP down before they shoot a nun going door to door asking for donations to the orphanage.


186 posted on 09/19/2006 7:18:39 PM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (G-d is not a Republican. But Satan is definitely a Democrat.)
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To: Charles Henrickson; PJ-Comix

Yea, that's what I meant. This hit and miss posting in a hurry is not good, huh?


187 posted on 09/19/2006 7:35:12 PM PDT by girlangler (Fish Fear Me)
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To: gate2wire

Years ago, they all wanted a Luger, and every single engine airplane was a Piper Cub.


188 posted on 09/19/2006 8:09:40 PM PDT by MindBender26 (Having my own CAR-15 in RVN meant never having to say I was sorry....)
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To: gate2wire

Years ago, they all wanted a Luger, and every single engine airplane was a Piper Cub.


189 posted on 09/19/2006 8:09:58 PM PDT by MindBender26 (Having my own CAR-15 in RVN meant never having to say I was sorry....)
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To: BeHoldAPaleHorse

I agree 100%. It was a major plot hole that I saw immediately (When i read it I was part of a SAC wing, so my thinking was already in that direction) but then, if he'd done that part realistically, the book would have been reeeeeal short.


190 posted on 09/19/2006 8:53:04 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: CarryaBigStick
I married a Catholic school girl (a cheerleader, no less) who shot better than me with the M-16. Yowza! :-)

Of course, I still out rank her...just because we got out over ten years ago doesn't mean I don't have more time in grade than her.

191 posted on 09/19/2006 8:58:32 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: gate2wire
If we must fight this upcoming civil war with WWII weapons, can I have a BAR?

I'll take one of those too! Either that or a Thompson.

192 posted on 09/19/2006 9:33:38 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: BeHoldAPaleHorse
The US would return the favor...

I picked up a phrase, BTW, from some post-apocalyptic science fiction novel, either Emergence or War Day. After describing a limited Soviet first strike (in War Day they only launched at 3 cities), the narrator describes the American response: "We broke every window in the Soviet Union."

193 posted on 09/19/2006 9:37:13 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: PJ-Comix

LOL! I'm sure your Dad will be proud to read that post. :-)


194 posted on 09/19/2006 9:40:56 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: Mr. Silverback

It was a fascinating view of what could happen when the infrastructures fail. Did you read the expanded version that come out in the mid-90's? The expanded version had extra chapters about the post-apocalyptic breakdown of society.


195 posted on 09/20/2006 7:05:54 AM PDT by ariamne (Proud shieldmaiden of the infidel--never forget, never forgive 9/11)
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To: Mr. Silverback
It must have been Emergence; War Day's description of the war was a lot more sober than that (it was given as an oral history by the former Assistant Secretary of Defense, who had been aboard NEACP during the war).
196 posted on 09/20/2006 8:25:36 AM PDT by BeHoldAPaleHorse ( ~()):~)>)
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To: Shooter 2.5

Sorry, I don't have any answers. First saw that pic here a while back and grabbed it, but don't know the details.


197 posted on 09/20/2006 9:07:13 AM PDT by CarryaBigStick
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To: CarryaBigStick

Thanks. I didn't think anyone really has an answer to that one. If we could trace it back to the original poster, that may help. It's probably been floating around for years.


198 posted on 09/20/2006 3:08:14 PM PDT by Shooter 2.5 (Vote a Straight Republican Ballot. Rid the country of dems. NRA)
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To: PJ-Comix

I find it funny that the very people who cry for banning all guns suddenly want to take up arms when they think some (imaginary) Republican Army is going to take them over and force them to attend church and marry the opposite sex.


199 posted on 09/20/2006 3:10:39 PM PDT by RockinRight (She rocks my world, and I rock her world.)
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To: ariamne

I read the unabridged one in hardcover. I read it right after the Gulf War...not to be nitnoy but it was published in 1990.


200 posted on 09/20/2006 11:51:32 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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