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DUmmie FUnnies 05-30-05 ("What do you love?" ---Pitt Posts "Trype" And Conspires With Scamdy)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 30, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/30/2005 8:21:59 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

Pied Piper Pitt has once again consulted his ever-ready thesaurus in preparation for this paean to himself posted in DUmmieland. The most interesting thing about this DUmmie THREAD titled, “What do you love?” isn’t Pitt’s tedious and overlong self-glorification but his interaction with co-conspirator Scamdy. So let us now view Pied Piper Pitt telling us how wonderful he is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who will be asking the judge at the Scamdy trial to permit a large screen monitor with an internet connection at the Scamdy trial so as to allow the jury a better view of the vital evidence contained in the DUFUs, is in the [brackets]:

What do you love?

[I love following this whole Scamdy Scandal and you, Pitt, provide among the best entertainment of all the co-conspirators.]

I love my mom. She had me when she was 26 and then watched her marriage fly apart for reasons I have no place to judge.

[Perhaps the breakup was caused by your mom blaming your Dad for the way you turned out. But continue with the sob story, Pitt…]

She went to school with a young boy on her hip and became one of the best in her business, all the while with the whip-hand raised to make sure her son was worth the world he was to live in. She lives today, paintbrush in hand and canvas at the fore, at the end of five miles of dirt road in New Hampshire in a small log cabin by a lake. She is the strongest, smartest, wisest, funniest and best person I will ever know.

[Your mom paints? Great. If cameras are not allowed in the courtroom at the Scamdy trial perhaps she could be the courtroom sketch artist. Please tell your mom to make sure that she sketches Scamdy as healthily plump as the day he arrived at Johns Hopkins.]

I love my dad. He was born out of red North Alabama clay to love FDR and the Tennessee Valley Authority, and met my mom just before he volunteered for Vietnam duty in 1969.

[Uh-Oh! We seem to have a veracity problem here, Pitt. If your Dad was young enough in 1969 to volunteer for Vietnam then why would he be reminiscing about FDR and the TVA? That love for the TVA is mainly something that folks who grew up in the DEPRESSION would do. Somebody who is a Baby Boomer (or even a just few years older than that) wouldn’t be expressing love for the TVA any more than someone born in, say, 1930 would be expressing his love for the Panama Canal because it was a bit BEFORE his time.]

Yes, volunteered. He watched his marriage fly apart for reasons I have no place to judge, and embarked upon a 40-year oddessy of public service that took him from the Secretary of State's office to the Attorney General's office to the US. Attorney's office - all in Alabama, where Democrats are awfully popular, you know - and only in the last couple of years did he figure out that you can actually make money as a lawyer in private practice. He is the strongest, smartest, wisest, funniest and best person I will ever know.

[Hopefully your Dad is not an ambulance chaser like a certain recent vice-presidential candidate.]

I love my city. Boston, cold, rainy, hot, sunny, bitter and snowy altogether, with a confluence of 400 years of history marking the cracked streets.

[You left out humid, windy, and foggy in your Boston weather report, Pitt. However, I am happy to see that you consulted your ever-present thesaurus in time to come up with “confluence.”]

We started slavery and ended it - the slave trade came from here, 'Boston Baked Beans' were slave food for generations, and yet The Liberator was printed here, the Union Clubs were started here, and the spine of Union strength during the Civil War was found here. Never mind the Guns of Ticonderoga and the lashing of the British. That's just the fun stuff. Boston is America: Every race, and every racism, dirty and clean together, a port city at once looking ahead and anchored to the past, with all the weather of the country pouring out along the jet stream and across the Cape. Don't like it? Wait five minutes. Oh, and the Sox. And the Pats.

[I’m impressed with your interjection of history on the heels of your Boston weather report. Can I just kiss your tuchus right now, Pitt, or do I have to wait for that privilege?]

I love my country. We made the slaves, and freed them. We slaughtered the natives, and carved out a space for millions of others to find freedom from their own lands, opressions, tortures. We stand for freedom and sell it out every day. We stand for profit, we exude the excess of victorious capitalism from every pore, we are governed by an avarice and a body-lust that has nothing to do with the soul or the spirit, and yet, with a million billion kindnesses done on streetcorners and church pews and protest rallies and God knows exactly where else, we show with every breath that profit and money and wealth are not a reason to breathe in and breathe out.

[Boston weather report: A long hot wind coming from the direction of a certain Pied Piper Pitt.]

No propaganda can paint over the blood and horror and woe we have created. No propaganda can obscure the greatness of the ideal - Of the People, By the People, For the People - nor can any propaganda obscure the greatness of our accomplishments. We have done great things, and terrible things.

[No appeals can get Pied Piper Pitt to keep from bloviating. No plea for mercy Of the People, By the People, For the People can make him cease his hot air attack.]

We are guilty, and we are innocent. We have done great things, and boy o boy, we have a lot of cleaning up to do.

[You are guilty of being Scamdy’s chief cheerleader on the Web and you are innocent of having the slightest lick of common sense. And boy o boy, you have a lot of cleaning up of the Scamdy “documents” on your hard drive to do.]

What do you love? What do you fight for?

[I love reading your rationalizations about how Scamdy really really does have pancreatic cancer and I will fight to get a front row seat in the courtroom at Scamdy’s scandal trial.]

Do you fight for an ideal, a promise at the end of your struggle? Or is the fight itself so much a habit now that you have forgotten what it is that got you started in the first place? Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I lose myself in the warring between party, between ideology, hell, sometimes in the warring within forums here.

[Sometimes you forget that self-glorifying paeans actually do have to END at some point, Pitt.]

But then I remember.

[Please remember to someday terminate this tribute to yourself.]

I'm an American. My family came over her on boats from Ireland, England and Germany. My family farmed, went to school, busted their humps to make sure their kids did better than they did. This is a lot of what we are missing these days, that idea of sacrifice, that immigrant ethic: You aren't in this for you, but for your kids, for the future.

[It’s bad enough that we have to hear you tell us how wonderful you are, Pitt, but now you are torturing us with what great folks your long forgotten ancestors were.]

Once we lost that, once instant gratification became the state religion, then easy gas and easy steel and easy labor and easy war and easy death became, well, easy, and we forgot that there is a price to be paid in the end.

[Why don’t you take it EASY, Pitt, and quit with the (inevitable) segue into politicization of everything?]

Everyone is born owing a death. Every man, every woman, every nation, every empire. To think this escapable is to laugh in God's face, and God is not mocked.

[Actually God is pissed that you are invoking His name in your never ending spiel.]

I'm an American. I am proud of my nation and ashamed of it. I am proud of the ideals of our institutions of government, and ashamed at how easily they are corrupted by money, by that instant gratification desire which mouths platitudes of patriotism while spitting on the nation entire.

[Speaking of being corrupted by money…How is Scamdy doing since his “miraculous” recovery from his pancreatic cancer operation?]

Somewhere in history, I'm pretty sure my family owned slaves. Somewhere in there, I know for a stone fact my family fought to free them. I'm an American, so I'm conflicted. That's how it is.

[Doesn’t matter if your family freed their slaves. You still gotta come up with the reparations payments. BTW, my family only ran whores in Chicago so I don’t have to make those reparations payments.]

But I know we can do better than this. I know we will. I am a profound believer in what-goes-around-comes-around, with the caveat that nothing will come around without some shoulders to the wheel.

[I too am a profound believer in what-goes-around-comes-around and since you were the chief Scamdy cheerleader it will all come around in a courtroom at his fraud trial.]

I love my mom, I love my dad, I love my country, and I hate it, too. I love the fact that I can sit here and say whatever the hell I want, trype it out and push a button and make my nonsense the fodder for hudreds or thousands or millions. That's freedom. That's raw democracy. But I wish I could say only good things about my country, my people, our history, or legacy. That would be nice.

[“Trype it out.” A Freudian slip that is ever so TRUTHFUL.]

What do you love? What do you fight for? What would you die for?

[I would DIE for you to finish trying to “trype it out.”]

This is Memorial Day Weekend. Better men than I am or ever will be marched off to fight and die for the best ideals this nation has to offer. This weekend, millions of assholes will stuff themselves into cars and ram down Routh 3 to the Sagamore Bridge for a hoped-for weekend of sunshine on cold Cape Cod beaches. Why? Because they got an extra day off. Sure, they'll maybe get choked up during the ballgame when the extra-special 'God Bless America' gets sung, but hell, Normandy was more than 60 years ago, and sure, Dad fought in Vietnam though he doesn't like to talk about it, and sure, the sister-in-law of the neighbors who moved last year might have had a son who was supposed to get shipped off to Iraq...what was his name?

[Meanwhile Pitt is trying to feed us the “trype” that he is so wonderful because he is sitting in his hole in the wall this weekend instead of going to the beach.]

Do we even remember what we stand for anymore?

[Do you even remember that all essays, even ones that are self-glorifying “trype, have to reach a conclusion?]

When was it that we were last a people governed by something besides ease, or the desire for ease; money, or the desire for money; fear, or the desire to kill what it is we fear? Have we ever been anything other than people motivated by base instincts? Of course. Can we be more than that? Of course.

[And of course your buddy, Scamdy, is not motivated by money, especially that $50,000+ that he scammed with your aid for a non-existent pancreatic cancer operation.]

What do you love? What do you fight for? What would you die for?

[What would you give for Pitt to terminate his repetitive “trype?”]

Those questions need to be asked and answered, and quickly.

[WHEW! FINALLY you finished your “trype,” Pitt. And speaking of questions that need to be asked and answered quickly: Why won’t you post on the web the documentation about Scamdy’s diagnosis and bill for pancreatic cancer that you claim to have on your hard drive?]

Well, I read all that and I thought, damn, that person really knows how to write.

[I agree. Pitt really knows how to “trype it out.”]

What an awesome article ,,,,, It is one of those that will stay in my thoughts for days,,,, haunting, paradoxical, bittersweet…

[…tedious, narcissistic, self-important, laughable, “trype”…

I love that I am alive. Life is good!

[It sure is Scamdy! Don’t you just love the fact that you so easily bilked the DUmmies thanx to the aid of Pied Piper Pitt cheering you on from the sidelines? Yup. Life is good!]

Get off the internet. I am so totally serious. There are some amazing vampires running around lately, and you don't need to bother with it. Get off, go rest, or I will break your f*cking arms. I swear to God, Andy. Oh, P.S., hi. No go rest.

[Better listen to Pied Piper Pitt, Scamdy. Anything you post in DUmmieland is copied into the DUmmie FUnnies and can and WILL be used against you in a court of law. Please get off the internet, Scamdy, so as to not post things incriminating to Pitt. If Pitt is convicted due to your postings, he will break your f*cking arms.]

Yes sir. Oh and BTW callme...I want to talk to you!

[Good suggestion, Scamdy. You and Pitt need to chat offline and piece together a cover story that might hold up in court.]

I will. If you post again, I smash you.

[I will call you up, Scamdy, to devise a good cover story. However, if you post any more incriminating stuff on the web, I smash you.]

HI Andy. Glad to see you up and at em.

[Hi Andy! Glad to see you up and at them with your miraculous recuperation from pancreatic cancer surgery. Oh, could you give me a phone call from your ICU and maybe we could do some AIM chat on the ICU computer?]

Heeee...I adore both of you boys...now play nice or I'll bang your heads together.

[I adore both those co-conspirators.]

I love everyone with the wisdom to question what is widely accepted.

[Unfortuately, DUmmie LaraMN, if you question the widely accepted “fact” in DUmmieland that Scamdy had pancreatic cancer surgery, you will be tombstoned.]

I love collaboration and the power engendered by that simple gesture.

[That’s true, DUmmie sfexpat2000. We know you love collaborating with Scamdy in his $$$ scam.]

I love a pure heart. Nobody has one, but we can try to attain it.

[How about Scamdy? Doesn’t he have a pure heart?]

I love my kittyboy who is dying of cancer, he will be going to heaven very soon...... This is my first pet that I have to put down, pure devastation

[Does your cat have pancreatic cancer? If so, then don’t post that fact in DUmmieland. The words “pancreatic cancer” are TABOO there.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; dummies; trype; williampitt
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To: PJ-Comix
It's your Birthday? Congratulations and prayers for many more.

Egad that pitt is a long winded little twit isn't he?

Sounds like he needs a dose of Tom T. Hall to thin the mix of crap he's spewing.

I love little baby ducks,
old pick-up trucks,
slow movin trains, and rain.

I love little country streams,
sleep without dreams,
Sunday school in May, and hay.

And I love you too.(But not you Pitt, I don't love you.)
21 posted on 05/30/2005 8:51:26 AM PDT by Dr.Zoidberg (Children's classic songs updated for Islam "If you're happy and you know it, Go Kaboom!")
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To: franksolich
I am speechless.

Ditto.

22 posted on 05/30/2005 8:53:23 AM PDT by Bahbah (Something wicked this way comes)
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To: PJ-Comix
I love my mom. She had me when she was 26 and then watched her marriage fly apart for reasons I have no place to judge.

Wrong DUmmie. Mommy and Daddy divorced because you cried, so you see, it's your fault.

23 posted on 05/30/2005 8:54:16 AM PDT by SaveTheChief
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To: Dr.Zoidberg
It's your Birthday? No. Tomorrow. May 31. I share the same birthday as Clint Eastwood and Brooke Shields.
24 posted on 05/30/2005 8:57:04 AM PDT by PJ-Comix (N)
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To: SaveTheChief
Wrong DUmmie. Mommy and Daddy divorced because you cried, so you see, it's your fault.

hehehe. That's funny.

25 posted on 05/30/2005 8:58:21 AM PDT by jennyjenny
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To: PJ-Comix

Oh, I see.

Well Congratz anyway since I may not speak to you tomorrow.


26 posted on 05/30/2005 9:04:45 AM PDT by Dr.Zoidberg (Children's classic songs updated for Islam "If you're happy and you know it, Go Kaboom!")
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To: franksolich; PJ-Comix; commonguymd; All; gardencatz
First- Happy Birthday PJ!!! My 2 year Anniversary is also tomorrow!

Next to all-- How did we have a room # for Andy the day of his surgery? How did anyone call JH and get a room #? If, big "IF" Andy was in ICU, there would be no room # until he was moved to a regular room.

I am going to also assume SFexpat just typo'd when she said Surgery Tues. not Wed.

I am also making a hugh assumption here, that Andy is still in the hospital today, which should be the case, if he had the surgery Gardencatz so wonderfully explained in her posts.

So anyone want to call JH to find out if patients are allowed to have laptops in their rooms, and do they have wireless Internet, or do they allow you to use a cell phone.

I know we have the basic answers to these questions, but if AS is still there, and we knew the floor, then more specific questions could be asked ;)

I would call be hubby is here today :)

27 posted on 05/30/2005 9:11:39 AM PDT by Repub4bush ("Official Foliage Finder" ------Mark Levin the next supreme court justice! :))
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To: PJ-Comix

Happy Birthday, P.J. I hope Mary M. calls you. If I knew her, I would call her to make sure she does. ;)


28 posted on 05/30/2005 9:16:14 AM PDT by Goodgirlinred ( GoodGirlInRed Four More Years!!!!!)
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To: PJ-Comix
We started slavery and ended it - the slave trade came from here

Leave it to a liberal to try to steal the credit for something else started by someone else. Nice try to shift the blame here, fool. Do we even remember what we stand for anymore?

Whenever a liberal writes that he's really saying "Do YOU PEOPLE even remember..." A very cute tactic--humbly lumping himself in with the evil Others (Republicans included, of course), though of course he has The Special Knowledge and is sooooo much better than the great unwashed. When was it that we were last a people governed by something besides ease, or the desire for ease; money, or the desire for money; fear, or the desire to kill what it is we fear? Have we ever been anything other than people motivated by base instincts? Of course. Can we be more than that? Of course.

Translation:When will you people start being pure and sinless like ME?!

DU is one-stop shopping for liberal cliches. If you think you're being too hard on them, just pop over there and you find all the varieties of foolishness, disloyalty and hatred the left has to offer.

29 posted on 05/30/2005 9:23:23 AM PDT by Dr.Hilarious (If Al Qaeda took over the judiciary and mainstream media, would we know the difference?)
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To: PJ-Comix

D'oh! Sorry for the format screwup, I just woke up....


30 posted on 05/30/2005 9:26:48 AM PDT by Dr.Hilarious (If Al Qaeda took over the judiciary and mainstream media, would we know the difference?)
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To: Dr.Hilarious
I don't know exactly what Pitt means We started slavery and ended it - the slave trade came from here since the Brits were the major player in world slave trade, much bigger than the US. And I wonder if Pitt knows Brazil had ten times the slaves the US ever did.

What a display of opinionated ignorance.

31 posted on 05/30/2005 9:37:35 AM PDT by dynoman (Objectivity is the essence of intelligence. - Marylin vos Savant)
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To: dynoman
Pitt actually makes that asinine slave comment twice.
32 posted on 05/30/2005 9:39:58 AM PDT by dynoman (Objectivity is the essence of intelligence. - Marylin vos Savant)
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To: PJ-Comix

Happy Birthday PJ. I see Pitt has already given you a present in this Dummie rant. :-)


33 posted on 05/30/2005 9:50:38 AM PDT by planekT (Go DeLay, Go!)
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To: PJ-Comix

Happy birthday, P-J! :)


34 posted on 05/30/2005 10:00:55 AM PDT by KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle ("As a conservative site, Free Republic is pro-G-d, PRO-LIFE..." -- FR founder Jim Robinson)
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To: dynoman
It's that streak of self-righteous loathing of country while screaming "But I'm patriotic!" that makes the DUmmies so amusing. It's like they're accepting blame for slavery so they will then get the credit for "ending" it, when it had nothing to do with them.

DUmmies have a dramatic streak almost as rich as their UN-loving/US-hating one.

35 posted on 05/30/2005 10:09:28 AM PDT by Dr.Hilarious (If Al Qaeda took over the judiciary and mainstream media, would we know the difference?)
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To: PJ-Comix
>We started slavery and ended it - the slave trade came from here:

Typical white liberal misinformation about slavery.

If he were to tour the salve forts in Ghana, he would learn:

1: The slave business, from the time slaves were taken all the way to shipment, an a very lucrative and entirely Black African business. Whites had nothing to do with it.

2: The shipment of slaves to the U.S and use by white U.S .owners was a very minor, and very short lived part of the slave trade. Most went elsewhere, South America and the Caribbean primarily. The vast majority of slaves were owned outside the U.S., primarily by the Spanish and Portuguese.

3: The official ending of slavery in the U.S. had no impact on the international slave trade. It existed in Biblical times, and exists today, even in the U.S. There are probably no fewer than 10,000 women held against their will as sex slaves in the U.S. today. (Primarilly Mexicans, Eastern Europeans and Nepalese.)
36 posted on 05/30/2005 10:12:54 AM PDT by MindBender26 (Having my own CAR-15 meant never having to say I was sorry......)
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To: PJ-Comix
Get off, go rest, or I will break your f*cking arms. I swear to God, Andy.

I think he's up singing show tunes again.

37 posted on 05/30/2005 10:14:20 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (DUFUing only rarely and sporadically for a while)
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To: PJ-Comix
Oh that was FUnnie !!! Pitt the pitiful. One problem though

I love my country.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight !!!!

That would have been murder if it hadn't been DUFU'd .... :-)

38 posted on 05/30/2005 10:15:47 AM PDT by Deetes (God Bless the Troops)
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To: PJ-Comix

.....And Happy day Before your Birthday !!!!


39 posted on 05/30/2005 10:22:11 AM PDT by Deetes (God Bless the Troops)
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To: PJ-Comix

I may not be on tomorrow, so Happy Birthday PJ (post dated... do not attempt to cash until 5/31/05)


40 posted on 05/30/2005 10:30:36 AM PDT by SCALEMAN (Super Cards/Rams Fan)
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