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I NEED YOUR BAD JOKES!
none ^
| now
| me
Posted on 09/14/2002 9:01:38 PM PDT by Big Guy and Rusty 99
Hey All,
I need all the bad jokes you can think of . . . I am being forced to do 5 minutes or so standup on the radio show I work on. (She says she doesn't want me to do it anymore, but I have a feeling she'll spring it on me again.)I want to bomb badly. It's an Andy Kaufman thing.
Thanks,
BG & R 99
TOPICS: Heated Discussion
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To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Okay. Two guys walk into a bar, and the third guy dicks.
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
A-hem... that's
Two guys walk into a bar and the third guy ducks.
To: stands2reason
What?
23
posted on
09/14/2002 9:12:04 PM PDT
by
gcruse
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Two cannibals are dining on a clown.
One turns to the other and says...
"This taste funny to you?"
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Black woman gets her hair bleached blond and shows it to her friend.
"How do you like my hair, honey? You don't think it makes me look too Polish, do you?"
26
posted on
09/14/2002 9:14:10 PM PDT
by
gcruse
To: ATOMIC_PUNK
No. It's, "What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when he hits the windshield?"
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Q: What does Bill Clinton do with his a$$hole every morning?
A: DRESSES HER UP & SENDS HER TO THE SENATE!
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Here, these definately Suck...L~,
Q: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CALL A ZOO?
A: BECAUSE THE LIONS ARE ALWAYS BUSY
Q: Why do brides wear white
A: So that they match the other kitchen appliances
Q: How many mice does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, but god knows how they got there!
Q: Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the cliff?
A: TEQUILA
Q: What's the difference between a used tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear, and the other's a very good year.
Three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducked!
Q-What's the difference between a porn flick and the spice girls?
A-The Porn has better music.
Q- How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb
A- Two, you just have to figure how to get them in there
Q- How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb
A- one a man'll screw anything
Q- What did the "Bra" say to the "Head?"
A- "You go on a head, and I will give these two a lift!"
Q. Did you ever smell Mothballs?
A. How do you get their little legs apart?
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Q: What is the most overused pick-up line in a gay bar?
A: "Please, allow me to push in your stool."
To: yankeedame
Why do mice have such tiny balls?
Not many of them know how to dance.
The very first naughty joke I ever heard.
31
posted on
09/14/2002 9:15:54 PM PDT
by
Samwise
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Cop pulls over a speeder.
"Hey, buddy. You know you can only go 55 miles an hour on this road."
"Don't worry, officer, I'm not going that far anyway."
To: eddie willers
To: eddie willers
LOL This one actually made me laugh...good one!
34
posted on
09/14/2002 9:16:40 PM PDT
by
Justice
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
See if this one's bad enough for you. Not just bad but long too.
Some guy was walking through the forest when he saw a big hole. He threw in a rock and couldn't hear it ever hit bottom. He looked around for something bigger and louder to throw. He found a rusty bucket and threw it in the hole. Still not a sound. No telling how deep the hole could be. He looked around some more and saw a picnic table.With much effort he pushed the table into the hole and cupped his hand by his ear to listen.
Just then the weirdest thing happened. A donkey came charging at him, jumped in the hole and that was that.
The guy was still stunned 15 minutes later when a farmer came by and asked him a question. "Partner, have you seen my donkey anywhere?" Mr., I tell you it was the damndest thing I'd ever seen. This donkey came charging out of the woods and jumped right into that big hole over there. The farmer looked and said, "nah, couldn't have been my donkey, he was tied to a picnic table."
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
We understand. Just remember, a hand in the bush is worth two birds,..uh, something like that........
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Minister, and a Jewish Rabbi are playing poker one night. The game gets busted (Houston Police, after long planning). The three perps are brought before a magistrate.
The Magistate asks the Priest, "Were you gambling?"
The Priest replies (after crossing himself to get to the other side), "No, Your Honor, I was not."
The Magistate turns to the Baptist minister and asks, "Were you gambling?"
The minister mumbles something along the lines of "Forgive me, Lord" and says, "No, Your Honor, I was not."
So the Magistrate askes the Rabbi, "Well, then. Were you gambling?"
To which the Rabbi replies, "With whom?"
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Polar Bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Gin and................................ tonic, please"
The Barkeep says, "Why the big pause?"
The polar bear replies, "I don't know. My Dad had 'em, too."
To: Jeff Chandler
That's Sick...ROFLMAO~
To: Big Guy and Rusty 99
Why do mice have such small balls?
Because very few of them can dance.
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