Free Republic

First thing of the bat, Racism is over with. We fought that war over 150 years ago. There were over 600,000 killed in that war. The ending of the war once and for all, ended slavery. We are moving onward from that! I don’t know of anyone living today that owned slaves. There are many things wrong in America now. Imagined racism, lawlessness, unemployment, crime, drugs, corporate greed, waste, bureaucratic nightmares, fake news, and other things too numerous to say here. America has lost it direction. Like a ship in the sea with no wind. What we need is a...

U.S.—Oh no! Democrat leaders sure are in a pickle. They are really trying to be tyrants and enact a police state with their COVID-19 orders and lockdowns, but oops: they just defunded the police and now don't have any police officers to enforce their orders! Oops-a-daisy! "We may have defunded the police slightly too early," admitted NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio. "Maybe we should have welded everybody into their homes and then fired all the police officers. You have to be really careful with the timing on these things, you know." Someone then busted into his press conference and stole...

U.S.—Riotous crowds rushed brick and mortar stores today to pick up copies of Mel Brooks' groundbreaking comedy Blazing Saddles before it permanently goes down the memory hole due to jokes that are off-limits in today's enlightened society of love and tolerance. Hundreds of thousands of frenzied Americans charged into stores, fighting over the few copies of the movie still left on shelves. "It was mine -- I saw it first!" shouted one man as he elbow-dropped another rioter in a Best Buy. "Hand it over, ya little weasel!" The pair fought over the Blu-ray for a few minutes before the...

An anti-American filmmaker who's out to abolish the July Fourth holiday is visited by three ghosts who try to change his perception of the country. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2BKVsjtnWs

WILMINGTON, DE—With citizens and media figures questioning Joe Biden's mental fitness to become president, Biden took to the internet yesterday to shut down the naysayers once and for all. On a live video from his basement, Biden held up a Fisher-Price See 'n Say and flawlessly recited all the sounds animals can make. "My memory cognitives are per-perfect, they're perfect," Biden insisted. "If my brain is no anymore not work, could I do this?" Biden then began to go through all the common farm animals and the sounds they make, starting with "cow," which says "moo." He got into...

U.S.—Americans said they are excited to celebrate Independence Day this year while confined to their homes by government order. "I sure am glad I live in a free country," said one man in California as he checked his phone to see what the current unilateral mandates by his governor would allow him to do this year. "Oh, good, nothing. Guess I'll play video games or something." Guidelines released by governors across the country so far include the following: Launching fireworks inside Barbecuing inside Watching fireworks on YouTube since they're probably illegal in your state anyway Whispering "God Bless America" so...

The District of Columbia informed the team that they cannot return to playing within the district until they have a name that is more fitting for a team representing the capital of our country. To that end, the team officially announced today they would be renaming themselves to "The Washington Lizard People." "This is a much better name, far more reflective of the great city of Washington, D.C.," said Eleanor Holmes Norton, D.C.'s representative. "All the politicians, bureaucrats, and leaders here in the district felt the name had great appeal." ... Politicians immediately expressed their support for the name change,...

Hat tip to Leo for this. Divorce Agreement Between Republicans & Democrats The person who wrote this is a college (law) student. Perhaps there is hope for us after all. Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two...

A hapless woman was left driving in circles at a gas station after failing to align her fuel tank with a pump four times. The footage, which was captured by an unknown driver in the U.S, shows the woman pull the fuel pump towards her vehicle before realising that the gas tank is on the other side of her vehicle. The confused driver returns to her seat and reverses her vehicle into a gas pump on the opposite side before once again noticing that she is on the wrong side again.

Emory & Henry College in Virginia has announced to students the school will re-examine its wasp mascot. Why? The bug may appear “exclusive” to students who are not White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, or “WASPs.” While a public outcry over racism continues around the nation, the college is already concerned that its two historical namesakes — Methodist Episcopal Church bishop John Emory and founding father Patrick Henry — were slave holders. The school mascot has also come under scrutiny. “Conversations must examine how Emory & Henry’s past has contributed to current and ongoing systemic oppression,” said Dr. John Wells, president of Emory...

CVS, the country’s largest drugstore chain, is making the biggest bet on the category in the U.S. yet, by adding a cosmetics line from Stryx, a brand launched last year, to 2,000 stores (about a quarter of its total). The retailer is giving more legitimacy to a small, but growing, group of products that had mainly been sold through high-end stores. With this move, CVS likely has potential customers such as Max Belovol in mind. The 23-year-old grew up wearing dazzling eyeshadows and foundation for figure-skating competitions, but didn’t become truly comfortable with wearing makeup during work until the coronavirus...

We live in CRAZY times. It's the only time when this question would ever make sense.

SEATTLE, WA—There's a hot new tourist destination this summer: the ancient ruins of CHAZ/CHOP in present-day Seattle. The ancient country was once a bustling center of commerce and trade, its chief export being outrage and its chief import being everything needed to survive like food, shelter, and water. "Look at the remains of this ancient, primitive civilization -- it's quite fascinating," said one woman as she pointed to a sea of abandoned tents. "They seem to have nearly discovered the secret of fire. Though it appears they used it mainly to light up these bongs over here." A tour guide...

H.L. Mencken, a contrarian polemicist and the consummate critic, who wrote prolifically and prodigiously from 1899 until 1948, may no longer seem relevant, but the fault would not be his. Mencken was a well-read bon vivant with a taste for Teutonic philosophy and a fidelity to immutable truth. He was also a brilliant satirist and a writer whose facility with the English idiom and grasp of intellectual history are unsurpassed. How can a phenom like Mencken appeal in our age, The Age of the Idiot? He can’t: He should, but he can’t. Henry Louis Mencken cannot appeal to the bumper...

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Elderly Man River- Stan Freberg and Daws Butler audio at the link

Downfall parody created by Hitler Rants Parodies

BRADFORD, NH—Following the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell for sex abuse charges, the FBI is taking no chances in keeping her safe while she awaits trial. Sparing no expense, the FBI has hired top-notch Italian bodyguard Hiluigi Clintonelli. “It's-a me, Clintonelli!” said the world-renowned bodyguard arriving at the prison. Thanks to the particularly glowing reviews from high-profile individuals such as President Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew, all federal prison security checks were waived for Hiluigi. “There’s simply no one else that we trust to execute this job as she can.” “Mamma mia, this simply will not do!” exclaimed Hiluigi Clintonelli as...

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