I'd Kill Myself if I Had That Many Kids

NC Register ^ | July 30, 2014 | Matthew Archbold

[NYer]

My wife and I recently attended a sports banquet for one of our kids' sports teams at a local restaurant. It was one of those events that I wanted to go to about as much as I wanted to get three teeth pulled. But my wife assured me it would be fun. I didn't believe her but I came anyway.

We've gone to so many of these things as my five kids are on at least three sports teams. All the kids sat together at a long table and all the parents sat at another table with the coaches. I have a theory about sports teams, the worse a team, the more coaches it has. And this team had lots of coaches.

We were seated with about eight coaches and some parents we didn't really know.

So what's the first thing someone we don't really know will bring up as a conversation starter? Well, it's the only thing they know about us which is that we have five kids. This one coach said he knew it was us when we arrived because he saw all five of our kids walking in. "That could only be the Archbolds," he laughed.

The mom directly across from me, who I didn't really know and hadn't seen at many games, leaned in conspiritorially and asked, "Who has five children? I'd kill myself if I had that many kids."

Dopey me, I actually felt embarrassed for her. I figured she couldn't hear that well and didn't know who they were talking about and would regret her comment when she learned it was the man and woman sitting directly across from her.

I shouldn't have worried. The coach seemed flummoxed, pointed at us, and then quickly engaged in a conversation on the other side of the table.

[NYer]

We had five. I've always thought that was a very nice size.

Five is a nice number. Many Americans go for the number two. Curiously, the Lebanese members of my parish seem to prefer the number three, with a few exceptions. It's quite fascinating, IMHO. Why three? I pointed this observation out to one of them but they acted surprised, as if it were unplanned. One family, perhaps, but 5, 6, 7 families ... each with 3 children? The exceptions include one family where #3 was twins. It's somewhat of a conundrum.

[ronnyquest]

I had read that some time ago on an MSM news site; not sure which. Perhaps they misunderstood (and I did not fact-check), but here is the CDC information sheet. Since the onset of symptoms is 2 to 21 days, it is probably reasonable to assume that the victim could be contagious up to 21 days from infection before symptoms begin to show.

[ronnyquest]

Well, that is odd. I was replying to another thread entirely. Moderator, please delete the above thread or move it.

[ronnyquest]

I had read that some time ago on an MSM news site; not sure which. Perhaps they misunderstood (and I did not fact-check), but here is the CDC information sheet. Since the onset of symptoms is 2 to 21 days, it is probably reasonable to assume that the victim could be contagious up to 21 days from infection before symptoms begin to show.

[wardaddy]

That’s racist and oh so true.

I wish folks would listen

Father of five

Next time I feel suicidal I’ll just smack around some johnsonless effete hipster instead

I can recall back when what you said would have brought in howlin and her harpies and maybe a zot

[Tax-chick]

You were perfectly clear. I was addressing the person in the article, as well.

[Tax-chick]

I thought three was the most difficult. Of course, my 3rd was Tom ... if I hadn’t been pregnant again before I knew what hit me, we wouldn’t have had seven more, easier children after him.

[ronnyquest]

The truth is the truth. Call it what you like; I am not afraid of a word invented by a 20th century marxist.

[GeronL]

That could be the basis of some funny jokes.

[GeronL]

but I don’t want to die soon

[Popman]

My wife and I had six children....

I got so sick and tired of obnoxious nosy busybodies asking us inane questions like:
"Are all of these kids yours"
"Don't you know what causes that"
"How much food stamps do you get"
"Are you Catholic"

I finally would tell them...

"You know you are right we have WAY TOO many kids so YOU get to tell me which one I need to give away or maybe abandon out on I-20...Go ahead pick a few out and I'd dump them on the highway to make you happy...

"I mean YOU are SO freaking smart to know how many kids are too many, so you get to fix your preconceived problem"...

I got some really strange looks, only had the cops called once..

More than once people would ask us the secret to have six children that were so well behaved...

[Tax-chick]

When Tom is global dictator, you’ll be glad you refrained. The internet never goes away, you know!

[Tax-chick]

Have you ever walked up to a stranger with one child and said, “How come you only have one child? Don’t you and your husband like each other? Are you sick? My doctor is really good at diagnosing fertility problems!”

Of course you haven’t.

[GeronL]

lol

[Tax-chick]

Kathleen may show up on your doorstep and torture you by singing the Pikachu Song.

[Mears]

I had five kids.

In my neighborhood they would say, “Oh,you only have five kids.”. Huge families in our area.

.

[GeronL]

I would surrender quite rapidly

[Tax-chick]

There’s a reason she gets everything she wants!

[Popman]

Have you ever walked up to a stranger with one child and said, “How come you only have one child? Don’t you and your husband like each other? Are you sick? My doctor is really good at diagnosing fertility problems!”

Excellent point

Nope, never because I'm not a rude ass clown...

One thing you probably have experienced like we did, we used to get looks of envy from moms with one child...which I guess wanted more but either could not or can't get hubby to agree...

[wardaddy]

Freepers are waking up

Now if just all the melanin deficient would

Those who are with us are welcome