Skip to comments.Choose Your Pope!
Posted on 02/24/2013 3:38:56 PM PST by ReformationFan
The latest from Lutheran Satire. I think all critics(both Protestant and Roman Catholic alike) of theological liberalism can appreciate this one.
I hear the Admin Moderator is up for the job.
Glad to see this is satire.
Not for us to choose. All we can do is pray.
Pope Josey Wales I
1. You gonna go on being uptight shrivel-ass celibate male sexists, or you gonna have women priests?
2. Abortion-contraception-sodomy-fornication-divorce/remarriage, embryo-cannibalism, and you can pick one of your "traditional" Sacraments to round it out to seven. OK?
3 Blah-blah global warming, inclusion diversity sustainability, small carbon footprint, eat the rich, beat and strip the middle class, infantilize/brutalize the poor, social justice (but I repeat myself), stop being mean and just give Israel to the Palestinians, and while you're at it, give Italy to North Africa. OK?
#4, after the break, was probably quite a doozy, but it must have been something like, "Stop worshipping Jesus, he is offensive to Gaia because he was a MAN! OK?"
Did I come close?
Is this a famous person?
Famous for being famous. It’s Kim Kardashian, and the funny thing is until I grabbed that picture, I can proudly say that I didn’t know what she looked like either (though I can’t say that anymore).
I guessed it although I’ve never before actually seen her. Apparently she’s an intellectual and deep thinker?
I’d like to choose the guy who will excommunicate all Kennedys, Bidens, and Cuomos!
Vote for Pedro.
My best pal’s brother is a Cardinal, and he promised him to send texts during potty breaks when the Conclave meets.
LOL! My husband, 25 yr. old daughter and I got a kick out of that!
What, he can't live-tweet it?
A recent college graduate, Kelly earned a BA in Advanced Feng-Shui Marketing. A self-described way-devoted super-Catholic, Kelly has attended mass almost 7 times. Therefore, making her opinions on the theological direction of the Catholic church entirely valid and perfectly worthy of public attention.
Question #1: Since I have absolutely no interest in knowing the scriptural and historical reasons for the male only priesthood, and since my Religious Worldviews in the Feminist Paradigm professor told me that, like, five of the apostles were totally women, I think the Catholic Church is finally ready for women priests. You guys agree, right?
Question #2: Like most devout Catholic women who dont go to Mass and dont believe anything the Church says, I use birth control because babies are a lot of work and my boyfriend and I totally need to re-tile our master bathroom. Thats cool with you guys, right?
You guys are lame.
Question #3: I like the aesthetics of the Catholic Church but dont like its theology. I support no-fault divorce, abortion rights, gay marriage, gender-neutral language, and think that its mean to criticize Islam. I couldnt be more of a liberal episcopalian if Katherine Jefferts-Schiori formed me from the dust from the ground, and yet I still inexplicably identify myself as a Catholic.
Cardinal Ouellet: Is there a question coming any time soon?
Kelly: Unless you want to be elected bishop of mysogyny, dont interrupt me! My question is this: even though my utter indifference towards the church that perfectly represents my theology clearly reveals that theres no way that Ill ever come back to the Catholic faith, you guys will still cast aside your vows to be faithful to the teachings of the Catholic Church unto death and 2000 years of tradition in a pathetic attempt to woo me, right?
Question #4: My favourite TV show is Glee
Cardinal Ouellet: Oh, sweet mercy, no!
Cardinal Turkson: Stop!
Cardinal Scola: Please shut your mouth before the Angel of Death destroys us all!
Excellent writing by LS.