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Shallow Men And The Women Who Suffer (The Male Lust For The Supermodel Perfect Mate Alert)
Jerusalem Post ^ | Rabbi Shmueley Boteach

Posted on 03/18/2006 7:03:00 PM PST by goldstategop

The miracle of Purim owes much to a superficial, womanizing male who set about dating as many women as possible to find the one that was the most beautiful. Ahasuerus is like so many shallow men today who reduce women to nothing but a slim figure and a pretty face. But in the end, the story of Esther makes it clear that the secretly Jewish queen was chosen not for her looks, but because she "found grace and favor" in the eyes of all who beheld her. There was a womanly dignity, a sublime feminine majesty, to Esther that the rest of the harem lacked. They were empty suits, packaging only, without substance or personality. They were the kind of women who attract attention with low-cut blouses rather than high intelligence, short skirts rather than a lofty spirit. But Esther is a woman possessed both of outer and inner beauty, a heroine who exhibits uncommon wisdom, courage and dedication to the helpless. In short, she is a woman of outstanding character and her story is that of the triumph not only of the Jews over their enemies, but also of a woman's ability to win over a man with her brains rather than her bust.

How tragic, therefore, that Jewish men today have adopted the dating mores of Ahasuerus. And I'm not just talking about secular Jewish men whom we might expect to have adopted less lofty criteria in their choice of a mate. Rather, I am speaking especially of Orthodox Jewish men who have become so obsessed with the three modern virtues of a real woman - large chest, long legs, slim figure - that heart, mind, even the sparkle of her eyes, count for almost nothing.

I once served as matchmaker-in-chief for JDate. But I now find matchmaking nauseating thanks to the dispiriting superficiality of today's Jewish men. I now know that the countless men who tell me how desperate they are to find a really nice girl are lying through their teeth because what they really mean is a woman who looks like a model. At my weekly Sabbath table, where I host many singles, I watch as the men immediately dismiss even the most interesting women with the warmest hearts if they lack a bombshell body.

If she's short, she's out, and if she's overweight, well, that's the kiss of death. I'll set up men with women who I know to be attractive and charming, only to have the guy call me back the next day and complain of a lack of chemistry, by which he always means, "She wasn't pretty enough." The poor woman never had a chance. Before she opened her mouth, her body did her in.

BUT WHY would we expect anything different? Superficial people seek superficial qualities, and men today are about as deep as a crack in the sidewalk. They have been given one criterion for success, money, and they use that money as a commodity to purchase a woman's chief commodity, her physical beauty. Today's religious men are trained to appreciate little else.

I know a 20-year-old Jewish girl who developed a dangerous eating disorder because her very religious parents told her that unless she lost weight the type of yeshiva student they wanted her to marry would not take her out.

But weren't Jewish men, especially Orthodox ones, supposed to be different? The nation that gave the world's Solomon's Ode to a Woman of Valor, where a woman's God-fearing qualities are what make her beautiful, have betrayed that ideal utterly. If you are a woman in the Jewish singles scene who isn't stunningly attractive, you're going to wait a long time to get married. And once you're married, you better keep your looks up, because the women who are going to be praying with you in the ladies' section spend five hours in the gym for every hour they spend in the synagogue. They're not fools. They know that their husbands are trained to appreciate muscle tone rather than piety. And don't have more than two children, even though we need as many Jewish babies as possible, because kids will make your figure go to hell and your breasts droop almost as far.

NEVER believed that I would witness a time when even marriage-minded, Orthodox men would become womanizers, giving themselves the latitude to date as many women as possible so that they can find "the best." In yeshiva I was taught one did not date a woman the way one shopped for a car. Rather, you focused on one woman completely and tried to develop a soulful connection with her without worrying about what else might be out there.

Recently, I had a young rabbinical student of marriageable age at my home. He told me he had already dated 40 girls and had not found what he was looking for. I was stunned. "Forty nice, religious girls, and not one of them was good enough for you?"

But anyone familiar with the increasingly toxic shidduch system among the ultra-Orthodox knows that what many young men are looking for is anathema to Jewish values, namely, looks, money and pedigree. Find all three and you have hit the jackpot. Find only one, or even two, and you have "to settle."

Now, no doubt, in the secular world marrying money and marrying into an important family are also important. But when religious Jews marry for materialistic and ego-driven values, they degrade a glorious spiritual tradition.

It is high time that rabbis started giving sermons from the pulpit exhorting single men in the congregation to be gentlemen and reward women for developing the traits that Judaism truly values like compassion, wisdom and goodness. While physical attraction is always important in marriage - both for men and for women - Jewish leaders must begin inspiring future husbands to judge their wives' attractiveness by considerations beyond flesh alone. For if we fail, we'll continue seeing Jewish women feeling permanently insecure about their "imperfect bodies" rather than taking pride in their generous spirits.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: 10; boderek; dating; genderwars; jerusalempost; knuckledraggers; perfectmate; rabbishmuley; rabbishmuleyboteach; shmuleyboteach; supernodelwoman; whyanalertinheadline
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To: elcid1970
We guys prefer: full bosom, tiny waist, long legs on a woman. Who ordained, who prescribed that this should be so?

There is a certain waist-to-hip ratio which is a universal baseline for attractiveness, across all cultures. It appears to be wired in, presumably for reasons related to reproduction and survival. Breast size and other attributes seem to vary much more with cultures and fashions.

281 posted on 03/19/2006 9:30:31 AM PST by hinckley buzzard
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To: Caipirabob

Que linda!


tu estas bien suerte


282 posted on 03/19/2006 9:50:31 AM PST by wardaddy (why are so many lesbicans cops?......and why do they hate me?)
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To: beyond the sea

I am guessing you are not much of a Hemlut Newton fan..lol


283 posted on 03/19/2006 9:54:03 AM PST by wardaddy (why are so many lesbicans cops?......and why do they hate me?)
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To: A CA Guy
Yet "not eating a lot" doesn't solve the problem. Try being productive while not eating--it's like someone tapping you on the shoulder constantly, saying "you have to eat." If genetic differences, for example, mean that some people will be distracted while eating less, then they have a choice--be low-productivity, or consume more.

Now that it's being shown that viral infection may be another connection to obesity (and hunger feelings), it can be that a specific population may be more prone to requiring excess food intake to sate hunger pangs--thus, regional or "culturally specific epidemic obesity."

It's not as simple as "certain people have no self-control while others do"...
284 posted on 03/19/2006 10:04:22 AM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: ScubieNuc
what it means is that these goy women in question have weak or no faith.

for Jews...in my observations...it's usually not about "faith" unless very Orthodox

it's more about continuing the identity bloodline


not that I fault that....I prefer to do the same actually but I don't expect others to.

but no doubt Christian women in general whether they convert or not tend to be less strident than Jewish women in my experience....but Southern Jewish women at least when I was in high school and college were not really any different

i'm not sure why that is...i explained upthread that I used to think it was because so many Jews here are Eastern European and that was a cultural thing but having known many Poles and Ukrainians and Russians since....I no longer believe that.

I think there is a cultural tradition in recent Ashkenazim Jewish life that promotes women who challenge...being raised in the South with few Jews....the strident Mom was about the only distinguishing characteristic in Jewish families different from my Baptist one. Christian women in the South are more passive aggressive...simply something I'm more used to.

But I used to be attracted to witty demanding Jewish women...something different I reckon...and I was sure different to them too in NYC.

You get older....and the hormones wane....I like my companionship easier.....and sharing the same culture over child rearing is another biggie.
285 posted on 03/19/2006 10:04:43 AM PST by wardaddy (why are so many lesbicans cops?......and why do they hate me?)
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To: Jim Noble

lol...it took me a second to get that


sorta what the drill sargent says you should feel when you really love your rifle and you hold it..lol


286 posted on 03/19/2006 10:06:40 AM PST by wardaddy (why are so many lesbicans cops?......and why do they hate me?)
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To: Smartass
Sorry, didn't see your post...should have had you on the pringlist for #243
287 posted on 03/19/2006 10:07:36 AM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: beyond the sea
To each his/her own. The thread was about what a person is, not what they look like. You're right, some weight would make her into a knock out perfect 10. With her height, she could easily carry thirty or more pounds. However, first and foremost, I like her tenacious wit, and what she stands for, everything else to me is secondary.

288 posted on 03/19/2006 10:17:40 AM PST by Smartass (Si vis pacem, para bellum - Por el dedo de Dios se escribió)
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To: umgud

If you really want to see a bunch of fat, sloppy women, try Wal-Mart.

Women should not let themselves go to pot that way. It looks horrible and it's unhealthy.

On the other hand, the Oscars and watching TV show stick like women with huge fake breasts hanging out of their garments...who finds that attractive, really?


289 posted on 03/19/2006 10:25:56 AM PST by altura
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To: miss marmelstein

I am only misogynistic against Jewish women that are not paragons of kindness and respect toward Jewish men like me! Let them live in their hate alone unmarried without children while whining about their difficulties find a good man. No good man wants that!

Jewish women and women in general are the heart of any culture. If the women hate men and treat men like dog doo then its is the man's perogative not to marry a woman that will teach those anti-Torah values to the next generation.

I appreciate any women that looks feminine and doesn't butch herself up by chopping off her hair, wearing men's clothing, and not wearing at least a small amount of makeup. And if she behaves in a feminine by not competing with men for one, and is kind and respectful then I thank HaShem for that, also.

To find a women with feminine beauty both inside and out is difficult especially in the the older generations of bra-burning feminist women demographic who were mis-led by Feminista leaders whom were Jewish women like Gloria Steinem.

Unfortunately, Jewish men and women are at the forefront of most Marxist, Liberal, and immoral movements.

But the percentages of secular Jews are declining while Torah observant Jews is increasing because the former hates children (by abortion or one or two children) and the latter loves them by having many!

To hate the women who hate and whine in an unjustified manner is not misogynistic at all nor is it Judeophobic to call secular Jews, in particular, that promote the Marxist and Islamic faiths, to the carpet because within those thought systems are anti-Torah beliefs. Torah promotes life while Marxism, secularism, humanism, nihilism, Islam and similar beliefs promote death.

Marxism during the 20th Century produced the genocide of a minimum of 177 million people. Islam has murdered about 70 million Hindus alone since Islam introduced itself to India many years ago. Abortion in this country is currently at 47 million.

Let those that promote Death Ethics go to their graves alone and childless and let their memory be a reminder to all of us whom love Life to never let that happen again.


290 posted on 03/19/2006 10:34:25 AM PST by vwunpimsmyride
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To: Caipirabob

It's the rebellious Jewish soul in her that moves her to say such. Yeah, she's totally hot but her soul is totally cryogenic.


291 posted on 03/19/2006 10:36:26 AM PST by vwunpimsmyride
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To: hinckley buzzard

"We guys prefer: full bosom, tiny waist, long legs on a woman. Who ordained, who prescribed that this should be so?
There is a certain waist-to-hip ratio which is a universal baseline for attractiveness, across all cultures. It appears to be wired in, presumably for reasons related to reproduction and survival. Breast size and other attributes seem to vary much more with cultures and fashions."

I like a land/woman who is (over)flowing with milk and honey. The milk comes from the breasts and shows that gives greatly that sustains the next generation. And she has words that flow like the honey of kindness and respect.

Her wide hips tells me she can bear children more easily than women without them.


292 posted on 03/19/2006 10:40:37 AM PST by vwunpimsmyride
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To: WaterDragon

Men aren't interested in women's intelligence primarily. We are more interested in first in a women's looks and then how well she can create a loving relationship both with her man and with children.

If a man finds a relatively attrative woman that he finds to be of possible marriage material one good predictor of how well she will treat him is by the way she treats children in her sphere of influence.


293 posted on 03/19/2006 10:43:16 AM PST by vwunpimsmyride
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To: ScubieNuc

Goys can only convert to Judaism with 100 percent freewill just as a Jewish woman can only marry a Jewish woman with only 100 percentage freewill with absolutely no coercion in order for the marriage to be halachically valid under Torah.


294 posted on 03/19/2006 10:45:16 AM PST by vwunpimsmyride
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To: hinckley buzzard
There is a certain waist-to-hip ratio which is a universal baseline for attractiveness, across all cultures

You may be talking about the research done by Dr Devendra Singh. He says there's a positive correlation between optimum female reproductive health, and a low waist-to-hip ratio, with optimum being around 0.70

295 posted on 03/19/2006 10:47:25 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: SauronOfMordor

A dream man by a woman's standard is man with a "10" wallet. Look at the extremely young and extremely beautiful women that marry old but very wealthy men. Isn't there a lawsuit by a beautiful woman that married a wealthy guy who is now dead who wants a piece of his estate?


296 posted on 03/19/2006 10:49:53 AM PST by vwunpimsmyride
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To: beyond the sea
And of course these "men" who want a "10" all look like Mel Gibson, right?

LOL

297 posted on 03/19/2006 10:58:57 AM PST by apackof2 (You can stand me up at the gates of hell, I'll stand my ground and I won't back down)
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To: vwunpimsmyride
A dream man by a woman's standard is man with a "10" wallet. Look at the extremely young and extremely beautiful women that marry old but very wealthy men.

While there are a few that engage in marital prostitution, I think that's the exception rather than the rule. There IS, IMHO, a strong correlation between male "status" and attractiveness. Despite all the talk about "trophy" wives, women do like "trophy" husbands as well.

I think that women like to have a guy they can admire, and who will inspire envy among their female friends, and thus increase her status among her friends. It's generally a combination of wealth, social status, wit, and attractiveness, with different women assigning different weights to each factor

298 posted on 03/19/2006 11:00:05 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: GiovannaNicoletta

That's what I have now, and if I wasn't already married, that's the type of guy I'd go for.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I don't doubt you at all but anyone who suggests that women, in GENERAL, don't have an eye for the better looking men then they live in a strange world. And I don't meant the pretty boy type like Leonardo Dicaprio.


299 posted on 03/19/2006 11:00:07 AM PST by RipSawyer (Acceptance of irrational thinking is expanding exponentiallly.)
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To: billorites

doesnt ann coulter date a liberal??

if so score one for the book "the game"


300 posted on 03/19/2006 11:00:31 AM PST by georgia2006
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