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Shallow Men And The Women Who Suffer (The Male Lust For The Supermodel Perfect Mate Alert)
Jerusalem Post ^ | Rabbi Shmueley Boteach

Posted on 03/18/2006 7:03:00 PM PST by goldstategop

The miracle of Purim owes much to a superficial, womanizing male who set about dating as many women as possible to find the one that was the most beautiful. Ahasuerus is like so many shallow men today who reduce women to nothing but a slim figure and a pretty face. But in the end, the story of Esther makes it clear that the secretly Jewish queen was chosen not for her looks, but because she "found grace and favor" in the eyes of all who beheld her. There was a womanly dignity, a sublime feminine majesty, to Esther that the rest of the harem lacked. They were empty suits, packaging only, without substance or personality. They were the kind of women who attract attention with low-cut blouses rather than high intelligence, short skirts rather than a lofty spirit. But Esther is a woman possessed both of outer and inner beauty, a heroine who exhibits uncommon wisdom, courage and dedication to the helpless. In short, she is a woman of outstanding character and her story is that of the triumph not only of the Jews over their enemies, but also of a woman's ability to win over a man with her brains rather than her bust.

How tragic, therefore, that Jewish men today have adopted the dating mores of Ahasuerus. And I'm not just talking about secular Jewish men whom we might expect to have adopted less lofty criteria in their choice of a mate. Rather, I am speaking especially of Orthodox Jewish men who have become so obsessed with the three modern virtues of a real woman - large chest, long legs, slim figure - that heart, mind, even the sparkle of her eyes, count for almost nothing.

I once served as matchmaker-in-chief for JDate. But I now find matchmaking nauseating thanks to the dispiriting superficiality of today's Jewish men. I now know that the countless men who tell me how desperate they are to find a really nice girl are lying through their teeth because what they really mean is a woman who looks like a model. At my weekly Sabbath table, where I host many singles, I watch as the men immediately dismiss even the most interesting women with the warmest hearts if they lack a bombshell body.

If she's short, she's out, and if she's overweight, well, that's the kiss of death. I'll set up men with women who I know to be attractive and charming, only to have the guy call me back the next day and complain of a lack of chemistry, by which he always means, "She wasn't pretty enough." The poor woman never had a chance. Before she opened her mouth, her body did her in.

BUT WHY would we expect anything different? Superficial people seek superficial qualities, and men today are about as deep as a crack in the sidewalk. They have been given one criterion for success, money, and they use that money as a commodity to purchase a woman's chief commodity, her physical beauty. Today's religious men are trained to appreciate little else.

I know a 20-year-old Jewish girl who developed a dangerous eating disorder because her very religious parents told her that unless she lost weight the type of yeshiva student they wanted her to marry would not take her out.

But weren't Jewish men, especially Orthodox ones, supposed to be different? The nation that gave the world's Solomon's Ode to a Woman of Valor, where a woman's God-fearing qualities are what make her beautiful, have betrayed that ideal utterly. If you are a woman in the Jewish singles scene who isn't stunningly attractive, you're going to wait a long time to get married. And once you're married, you better keep your looks up, because the women who are going to be praying with you in the ladies' section spend five hours in the gym for every hour they spend in the synagogue. They're not fools. They know that their husbands are trained to appreciate muscle tone rather than piety. And don't have more than two children, even though we need as many Jewish babies as possible, because kids will make your figure go to hell and your breasts droop almost as far.

NEVER believed that I would witness a time when even marriage-minded, Orthodox men would become womanizers, giving themselves the latitude to date as many women as possible so that they can find "the best." In yeshiva I was taught one did not date a woman the way one shopped for a car. Rather, you focused on one woman completely and tried to develop a soulful connection with her without worrying about what else might be out there.

Recently, I had a young rabbinical student of marriageable age at my home. He told me he had already dated 40 girls and had not found what he was looking for. I was stunned. "Forty nice, religious girls, and not one of them was good enough for you?"

But anyone familiar with the increasingly toxic shidduch system among the ultra-Orthodox knows that what many young men are looking for is anathema to Jewish values, namely, looks, money and pedigree. Find all three and you have hit the jackpot. Find only one, or even two, and you have "to settle."

Now, no doubt, in the secular world marrying money and marrying into an important family are also important. But when religious Jews marry for materialistic and ego-driven values, they degrade a glorious spiritual tradition.

It is high time that rabbis started giving sermons from the pulpit exhorting single men in the congregation to be gentlemen and reward women for developing the traits that Judaism truly values like compassion, wisdom and goodness. While physical attraction is always important in marriage - both for men and for women - Jewish leaders must begin inspiring future husbands to judge their wives' attractiveness by considerations beyond flesh alone. For if we fail, we'll continue seeing Jewish women feeling permanently insecure about their "imperfect bodies" rather than taking pride in their generous spirits.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: 10; boderek; dating; genderwars; jerusalempost; knuckledraggers; perfectmate; rabbishmuleyboteach; supernodelwoman; whyanalertinheadline
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Rabbi Shmueley Boteach discusses the perils of modern dating and marriage. Men want the supermodel perfect mate. A dream woman who is a physical "10" in attribute and looks. With the Bo Derek fixation, women who don't measure up to men's expectations in a woman lose out. Its not a woman's brains, personality or character that interest men. Its what she has to offer on the outside. Men who are as shallow as the bimbos they're attracted to. Its true Boteach talks about Jewish dating here but don't be put off by it; the lesson is a universal one.

(Denny Crane: "I Don't Want To Socialize With A Pinko Liberal Democrat Commie. Say What You Like About Republicans. We Stick To Our Convictions. Even When We Know We're Dead Wrong.")

1 posted on 03/18/2006 7:03:06 PM PST by goldstategop
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To: goldstategop

Marking for later viewing of pictures....


2 posted on 03/18/2006 7:04:27 PM PST by King Moonracer
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To: King Moonracer

Could be Jewish.

3 posted on 03/18/2006 7:07:10 PM PST by billorites (freepo ergo sum)
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To: goldstategop

That last paragraph is great. And it should apply to the Jew AND Gentile.

Thanks for the thread!


4 posted on 03/18/2006 7:07:49 PM PST by Brad’s Gramma
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To: goldstategop

Typical man-hating garbage article. Naturally, you couldn't publish a woman-hating diatribe like this without the world coming down on you.

But no problem calling all men shallow. That's cool.


5 posted on 03/18/2006 7:10:43 PM PST by Dog Gone
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To: King Moonracer

I like big butts and I cannot lie.


6 posted on 03/18/2006 7:12:32 PM PST by billorites (freepo ergo sum)
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To: goldstategop

7 posted on 03/18/2006 7:13:17 PM PST by SIDENET (Gonna shake it, gonna break it, let's forget it better still)
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To: goldstategop

The comments are good, except for one thing.

Young men can be coached to do the right thing, but young men cannot make young women make the right choices. Today's women are being sold a bill of goods by the media elites, that no young man can combat.

Try telling a young woman her breasts are heavenly and she doesn't need augmentation. She'll tell you your full of it and go ahead with her plans.

Take a look at what young women are signing off on these days. Where in the past people urged them to do things that weren't right, today's women have minds of their own, and most guys are powerless to tell them anything.

I've experienced some of this myself over the years.


8 posted on 03/18/2006 7:14:38 PM PST by DoughtyOne (If you don't want to be lumped in with those who commit violence in your name, take steps to end it.)
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To: Brad's Gramma

OK everybody, time out, and ask just one simple question:

Why....to the deepest depths of Why, as in just why is it that

We guys prefer: full bosom, tiny waist, long legs on a woman. Who ordained, who prescribed that this should be so?

Think carefully... the answer may not be as shallow as thou thinkest.


9 posted on 03/18/2006 7:15:33 PM PST by elcid1970
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To: Dog Gone
I've learned to adjust my expectations. I realize the perfect woman doesn't exist. We all have flaws and those men who fantasize about supermodels don't know what their minds are like, their values or their sense of compassion. Physical attraction is important to a relationship but its not the only criterion to determine ultimate compatibility between a man and a woman.

(Denny Crane: "I Don't Want To Socialize With A Pinko Liberal Democrat Commie. Say What You Like About Republicans. We Stick To Our Convictions. Even When We Know We're Dead Wrong.")

10 posted on 03/18/2006 7:16:03 PM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: elcid1970
The Barbie Doll?

LEAVING NOW! I'm a Gramma for Pete's sake! :)

11 posted on 03/18/2006 7:18:15 PM PST by Brad’s Gramma
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To: goldstategop

"no matter how beautiful she is, someone, somewhere, wishes she'd never been born."


12 posted on 03/18/2006 7:18:42 PM PST by the invisib1e hand (...a capitalist.)
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To: King Moonracer
Well, many men lust to catch a beautiful jewfish:

And, of course, someone has to post this:


13 posted on 03/18/2006 7:19:31 PM PST by Always Learning
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To: elcid1970
Over a century ago the ideal was a full figured woman neither too fat nor too thin. My mother, God bless her soul, was never thin but she was beautiful. I don't think a man today would date or marry her because of the fetish about where a woman's figure comes in. As I said, men have to widen their horizons. There are lots of pretty women around and not all of them have the anorexic twiggy look that's in fashion today.

(Denny Crane: "I Don't Want To Socialize With A Pinko Liberal Democrat Commie. Say What You Like About Republicans. We Stick To Our Convictions. Even When We Know We're Dead Wrong.")

14 posted on 03/18/2006 7:20:07 PM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: goldstategop

"Supermodels" are often quite grotty. Along with a lot of other female celebs out there.


15 posted on 03/18/2006 7:20:24 PM PST by dr_who_2
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To: Dog Gone
You seem insecure. There are shallow men, just as there are shallow women. It's a fact of life.

There are guys who marry for looks. I think they're fools.

16 posted on 03/18/2006 7:21:02 PM PST by gogeo
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To: jan in Colorado

ping


17 posted on 03/18/2006 7:21:16 PM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: dr_who_2
Its an ideal. But few human beings can live up to a standard of demanding perfection. Few women are interested in marrying a hunk. They're more astute judges of people's deportment and character. Here is where they are less superficial then men. They size up people with more than just looks in mind.

(Denny Crane: "I Don't Want To Socialize With A Pinko Liberal Democrat Commie. Say What You Like About Republicans. We Stick To Our Convictions. Even When We Know We're Dead Wrong.")

18 posted on 03/18/2006 7:23:39 PM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: elcid1970

Well, the answer seems to be "Society," since the ideals have changed with the times and conditions. In the past, women with large waists have been favored, for example. Sometimes it can indicate a woman who is better nourished and will yield healthier offspring.


19 posted on 03/18/2006 7:24:25 PM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: goldstategop

"If you just sit in front of a scary computer 10 hours a day waiting for cindy crawford + brain to come waltzing [in] and invite you to an evening of skydiving and sex, you're going to be dissapointed." --Connie Deighan


20 posted on 03/18/2006 7:25:59 PM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: Gondring
Exactly. I would say male tastes of beauty do change over time. Who knows what type of women men will find attractive a century from now?

(Denny Crane: "I Don't Want To Socialize With A Pinko Liberal Democrat Commie. Say What You Like About Republicans. We Stick To Our Convictions. Even When We Know We're Dead Wrong.")

21 posted on 03/18/2006 7:26:35 PM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: John O

A 'what I've been trying to tell you and don't give me the same old song and dance in response because I won't listen' ping

Miss you!


22 posted on 03/18/2006 7:28:03 PM PST by andie74
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To: goldstategop

Yeah. I too would not judge a woman by looks. Yes it certainly would be nice if she looked good but compared to who she is, looks are secondary.


23 posted on 03/18/2006 7:28:55 PM PST by Paul_Denton (The U.N. Building. What a joke! They turned it into low rent housing. It's a dump.)
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To: Gondring; John O

That is quite possibly the funniest quote I have read in a decade.

(wiping away tears)


24 posted on 03/18/2006 7:30:30 PM PST by andie74 (I don't skinny dip; I chunky dunk!)
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To: goldstategop
Men want the supermodel perfect mate. A dream woman who is a physical "10" in attribute and looks. With the Bo Derek fixation, women who don't measure up to men's expectations in a woman lose out. Its not a woman's brains, personality or character that interest men.

I don't think this is true. Rather, I believe it is the opposite that is more accurate. Generally speaking, it is women, not men, that are more concerned with finding the perfect "10".

Most guys are happy dating an "average looking" woman as long as she puts out a lot and makes an effort to please him.

The idea that all men want a perfect "10" is nothing more than propaganda from men-hating feminists. Most women are more than happy to accept the propaganda since it helps with their "self esteem". After all, it's easier to justify a $5000 boob job when "all men are pigs" (fiction) instead of "I'm a self-centered superficial gold digger planning to use my bigger tits to land a guy that is a "10" with money" (reality).

25 posted on 03/18/2006 7:30:35 PM PST by Mulder (“The spirit of resistance is so valuable, that I wish it to be always kept alive" Thomas Jefferson)
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To: goldstategop

Ya all go to the nearest mall or other place with lots of people. Take notice of just how few women in the crowds actually look like supermodels. Darn few. If 50% of us are men and 50% are women and only 1% of them are supermodel material, well, you fill in the blanks. And BTW, most of the men aren't hunks either.

I actually prefer women who are attractive, yet not supermodel material.


26 posted on 03/18/2006 7:31:09 PM PST by umgud (gitrdun)
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To: goldstategop

GREEN WITH ENVY ALERT!


27 posted on 03/18/2006 7:32:05 PM PST by D.P.Roberts
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To: goldstategop

I almost hate to say it, but that's not universally true. Many women today are looking for money, status, or the indefinable 'Alpha Male' quality that only a few men posess, and won't settle for a guy who's decent, reliable, kind, and puts the seat down.
My generation craves hairless, tanned, toned, smooth men who get manicures and smell nice, and who won't argue with the women in their life. The feminists tell us that this is the only kind of man that will make us happy.


28 posted on 03/18/2006 7:33:11 PM PST by LongElegantLegs (Going armed to the terror of the public.)
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To: goldstategop
If more women would stop grazing a McDonald's and stuffing Frappacinnos down their throats, maybe more men would mate for life.

Problem is simple... who wants to raise their child alone because their wife died young, had a stroke, has diabetes, or any other number of maladies because lack of care.

I am sure the same can be said for fat ass men.
29 posted on 03/18/2006 7:33:18 PM PST by Porterville (Sure are a lot of these few Muslim Extremist Fanatics)
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To: goldstategop

Close, but Who or what created the Ur-ideal of woman? Is it the result of historical cyclicity, or is there a deep instinctual imperative from which the perfect notion of Woman flows?

My own theory is that human nature is a sublime confluence of the animal and the Divine, made manifest in the bodily appearances of male and female. It is the latter that is most celebrated.

Not an original idea. Check out the Song of Songs.


30 posted on 03/18/2006 7:33:49 PM PST by elcid1970
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To: goldstategop
They're more astute judges of people's deportment and character. Here is where they are less superficial then men.

LOL! That is one of the biggest "socially accepted" lies going around.

31 posted on 03/18/2006 7:34:07 PM PST by Mulder (“The spirit of resistance is so valuable, that I wish it to be always kept alive" Thomas Jefferson)
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To: billorites

LOL!


32 posted on 03/18/2006 7:34:22 PM PST by jocon307 (The Silent Majority - silent no longer)
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To: goldstategop
Lord knows all through California the women still mostly all look like this. So what the future brings will indeed be wondrous.


33 posted on 03/18/2006 7:35:06 PM PST by A CA Guy (God Bless America, God bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
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To: gogeo
You seem insecure.

Thank you, Dr. Freud for that free analysis.

Your friends, if you have any, don't think you're judgemental, do they?

34 posted on 03/18/2006 7:35:33 PM PST by Dog Gone
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To: goldstategop

***Over a century ago the ideal was a full figured woman neither too fat nor too thin.***

At that time a fat woman was considered healthy. A thin woman probably had TB, worms or some other serious health problem.


35 posted on 03/18/2006 7:36:29 PM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: elcid1970

And in the Song of Songs, the beloved woman had a belly like a heap of wheat...so maybe fat was okay for Solomon, eh?


36 posted on 03/18/2006 7:37:05 PM PST by andie74 (I don't skinny dip; I chunky dunk!)
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To: goldstategop

If only I could clone myself...then all manly men would be happy.


37 posted on 03/18/2006 7:37:15 PM PST by Feiny (If you smoke after sex, you are doing it too fast.)
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To: goldstategop
Sorry, but that article is completely nuts.

NEVER believed that I would witness a time when even marriage-minded, Orthodox men would become womanizers, giving themselves the latitude to date as many women as possible so that they can find "the best." In yeshiva I was taught one did not date a woman the way one shopped for a car. Rather, you focused on one woman completely and tried to develop a soulful connection with her without worrying about what else might be out there.

Sure, I guess we are supposed to just accept the first woman we run into, ....and her big ass? I don't think so!

Men are not looking for a dream-woman, just someone who doesn't come with their own zip-code, who can cook, knows when to shut up, and a few other things. Women no longer think that most of that is necessary anymore, so they can just marry Oprah.

38 posted on 03/18/2006 7:37:21 PM PST by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: goldstategop
As found on inpassing.org:
Let's face it, guys are hardwired to want one thing in a mate: LOOKS.

And women are hardwired to want one thing too: STATUS.

Both sexes of the human race suck. All people suck! "Misfortune comes from having a body" as Lao Tzu said. Not that it matters anyway, cause we're all dying at the rate of one second per second, and in the end it's all for nothing because these tremendous big brains full of dreams and wishes become worm food, and we are released from selfhood into oblivion.
                                            --"Tucker"
And this exchange...

Martian Anthropologist:
Men are scum. It's in the genes. It may be a lot harder for a man to find a girlfriend than it is for a woman to find herself a boyfriend, but it's also a lot harder for a woman to find a *good* boyfriend than it is for a man to find a good girlfriend. The only hope a woman has is finding a man who knows enough about evolutionary psychology to despise his own genetic programming.

David.:
*Sigh.* You know why [many] men are scum, Martian Anthropologist? Because [many] women, despite all their whinging and griping about how they want a caring, honest and loyal guy, tend to go for the bright plumage and aggressive display--leaving Mister S.N.A.G. [Sensitive New Age Guy] to sit at home on a Friday night watching Law & Order: SVU. After enough repeat episodes, Mr. S.N.A.G. finally ups and decides there's no percentage in it, and starts acting like all the jerks who're actually getting some.

Bitter, me? No, not really. Why do you ask?

lurkereh?:
And I agree, David, men are told that being sweet and nice is the way to go and for some reason women keep going for the guy who is a jerk. I think it is the challange, just like most men try to end up with women who are model material.




Thoughts?

39 posted on 03/18/2006 7:38:05 PM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: A CA Guy

Silicone babies?


40 posted on 03/18/2006 7:39:18 PM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: Mulder
Oooh, you said tits. I'm telling your mother.
41 posted on 03/18/2006 7:40:03 PM PST by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: elcid1970

The media ordained it. In renaissance times the more robust women were the idea of perfection (just check out the paintings) - not an anorexic, oversized boob chick to be found.
Think about THAT carefully!


42 posted on 03/18/2006 7:40:30 PM PST by derllak
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To: Gondring
The only hope a woman has is finding a man who knows enough about evolutionary psychology to despise his own genetic programming.

Truer words, never written.

43 posted on 03/18/2006 7:41:35 PM PST by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: goldstategop

The good Rabbi is right on the target. His only sins (in this article) are sins of ommission. I would be very surprised if this dominance of superficial dating criteria was solely a male attribute. Just as surely as this phenomenon exists outside the Jewish community, it exists in females as well as males.

This is a particularly American problem, and a particularly 21st century American problem at that. I don't know what the answer is, but the problem is more than evident.


44 posted on 03/18/2006 7:41:36 PM PST by Melas (What!? Read or learn something? Why would anyone do that, when they can just go on being stupid)
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To: Gondring
"If you just sit in front of a scary computer 10 hours a day waiting for cindy crawford + brain to come waltzing [in] and invite you to an evening of skydiving and sex, you're going to be dissapointed." --Connie Deighan

OK, I'll settle for a little less then [sadly putting away the parachute].

45 posted on 03/18/2006 7:41:47 PM PST by KarlInOhio (The tree of liberty is getting awfully parched.)
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To: Dog Gone
Now hey, I went on a date once with this guy - and out of the blue, he does a double-take, looks at me & says: "wow, you really are intelligent, aren't you" - like I should be dumb?

No, I'm not Jewish. Yes, I didn't bother seeing him again.

It's not male hating to state the obvious sometimes - just take a look at your television set, the magazines off the shelf. It's what sells. (and yeah, I know, there are men who aren't like that, Thank God!)
46 posted on 03/18/2006 7:42:45 PM PST by Smarti Pants (This American Patriot will never forget !!! Give me Liberty or Give Me Death!)
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To: Dashing Dasher

RWOS ping


47 posted on 03/18/2006 7:42:47 PM PST by Feiny (If you smoke after sex, you are doing it too fast.)
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To: goldstategop
Few women are interested in marrying a hunk. They're more astute judges of people's deportment and character.

If I'd gotten a dollar for every girl who had dumped me in earlier years, only to come back after realizing they guy she'd gone for was a narcissistic loser...well, then maybe I'd have had enough dollars to afford all the kids of jerks I would have been raising for them!

48 posted on 03/18/2006 7:43:09 PM PST by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: Gondring
I dated one that was a little prettier than the one in that picture, but she looked very similar and she wasn't silicone at all.
This is California, and I'm sure there is no lack of women who feel the need for enhancement though.

I think what will give me the biggest laughs here in California regarding the strange things some people do to themselves are all the old heavy metal hippies who tattooed their heads in the hair line and now they are going bald.
Nothing like an old guy with "bad Ass" tattooed on their bald head while needing Depends.
49 posted on 03/18/2006 7:45:59 PM PST by A CA Guy (God Bless America, God bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
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To: Pukin Dog
Men are not looking for a dream-woman, just someone who doesn't come with their own zip-code, who can cook, knows when to shut up, and a few other things. Women no longer think that most of that is necessary anymore

It's not that it's not necessary, maybe it's just that your sales pitch needs work.

50 posted on 03/18/2006 7:48:24 PM PST by HairOfTheDog (Hobbit Hole knives for soldiers! www.freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net)
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