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Israeli Plagues Kill many Egyptians as cycle of violence continues
Received in an urgent email | 4/1/2004 | unknown

Posted on 04/01/2004 3:01:14 PM PST by yonif

The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the plague of darkness.

Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you," complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness, the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough evidence for me."

While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian! leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every society."

Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God.

The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region. The Jews should go back to slavery for the good of the rest of the world," stated an angry French President Jacques Chirac.

Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro, a Jew, has barricaded himself within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be the next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that while slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the plagues and when the plagues end, so will the slavery. "The Jews have gone too far with plagues such as loc! usts and epidemic which have virtually destroyed the Egyptian economy," Mr. Shapiro laments. "The Egyptians are really a very nice people and Pharaoh is kind of huggable once you get to know him," gushes Shapiro.

The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish leaders, continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that Pharaoh had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher slavery, Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest offensive. "Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr. Boucher states. "The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will accomplish nothing through these plagues."

The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi peace overture. If only the Jews will give up their language, change their names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations will incline ! toward peace with them, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah declared.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Front Page News; Israel; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: egypt; exodus; godsgravesglyphs; israel; passover; plagues; religionofpeace; religionofpieces; satire; theexodus
If the NY Times, BBC, and CNN reported Passover today....
1 posted on 04/01/2004 3:01:15 PM PST by yonif
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To: SJackson; Yehuda; Nachum; Paved Paradise; Thinkin' Gal; Bobby777; adam_az; Alouette; IFly4Him; ...
Ping.
2 posted on 04/01/2004 3:01:31 PM PST by yonif ("If I Forget Thee, O Jerusalem, Let My Right Hand Wither" - Psalms 137:5)
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To: All

We already endured 8 years of crocodile tears!
Don't Let It Happen Again!

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3 posted on 04/01/2004 3:01:50 PM PST by Support Free Republic (Freepers post from sun to sun, but a fundraiser bot's work is never done.)
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To: yonif
I'm saving this and sending it out....

Shalom!
4 posted on 04/01/2004 3:04:13 PM PST by tiamat ("Just a Bronze-Age Gal, Trapped in a Techno World!")
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To: yonif
ROTFLOL!

G-d only knows how they'd report on the Macabees.
5 posted on 04/01/2004 3:05:45 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (Am Yisrael Chai!)
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To: yonif
Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God.

This line almost ruined my keyboard. Good stuff!

6 posted on 04/01/2004 3:11:34 PM PST by Buggman (President Bush sends his regards.)
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To: yonif
The European Union passed a resolution calling on the Jews to produce more bricks. They also roundly condemned the Jews practice of having children before the Egyptian midwifes could arrive and called the practice one of extreme racism.
7 posted on 04/01/2004 3:21:12 PM PST by DannyTN
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To: yonif
The World Court reports Egypt seeking reparations from the Israelites for this curse upon their nation.
8 posted on 04/01/2004 3:41:58 PM PST by BipolarBob (Your secrets safe with me and my friends deep inside the earth.)
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To: BipolarBob
Egyptian Jurists Sue 'The Jews' for Compensation...of Gold Allegedly Stolen During Exodus from Egypt
9 posted on 04/01/2004 3:43:25 PM PST by yonif ("If I Forget Thee, O Jerusalem, Let My Right Hand Wither" - Psalms 137:5)
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To: yonif
In addition the Egyptian jurists are charging Israel with "wrongful death" in the loss of the Eqyptian army. The Red Sea crossing was clearly a premeditated murder of innocent Egyptian citizens who were merely escorting the Israeli's out of Egypt. Prosecutors expect to establish a pattern of behavior beginning when Moses was much younger and killed an Egyptian guard.

Yet another lawsuit charges Israel for misappropriation of grain and lodgings by Joseph who held a high ranking administrative position in the Egyptian government.
10 posted on 04/01/2004 3:55:24 PM PST by DannyTN
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To: yonif
I love it! I can't remember an April Fools Day, when I read so many brilliant hoaxes!
11 posted on 04/01/2004 4:47:20 PM PST by mrustow
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To: 1bigdictator; 1st-P-In-The-Pod; 2sheep; 7.62 x 51mm; a_witness; adam_az; af_vet_rr; agrace; ...
FRmail me to be added or removed from this Judaic/pro-Israel ping list.

WARNING: This is a high volume ping list

12 posted on 04/01/2004 6:07:25 PM PST by Alouette (Kitchen has been cleaned--now the cooking begins!)
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To: Alouette
Thanks for the ping. Reading it a day late doesn't make it any less effective. :-)
13 posted on 04/02/2004 6:46:00 AM PST by CharliefromKS
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To: yonif
The Cycle of Violence:
NOW WITH HYPERLINKED INSTRUCTION MANUAL
bump
14 posted on 05/14/2004 4:26:06 AM PDT by Mia T (Stop Clintons' Undermining Machinations (The acronym is the message.))
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Note: this topic is from April Fool's Day, 2004. Thanks yonif.

Blast from the Past.

Just adding to the catalog, not sending a general distribution.

To all -- please ping me to other topics which are appropriate for the GGG list.
 

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15 posted on 01/02/2011 6:10:27 PM PST by SunkenCiv (The 2nd Amendment follows right behind the 1st because some people are hard of hearing.)
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To: SunkenCiv

Thanks, Sunken. I missed that when it came out.


16 posted on 01/02/2011 6:34:38 PM PST by gitmo ( The democRats drew first blood. It's our turn now.)
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To: mrustow

Oh my GOD!!! It’s April already??
Just yesterday it was New Years!
Where did the time go?


17 posted on 01/02/2011 6:40:57 PM PST by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: gitmo

I did too :’)


18 posted on 01/02/2011 7:35:19 PM PST by SunkenCiv (The 2nd Amendment follows right behind the 1st because some people are hard of hearing.)
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To: Buggman

Well the Jews have Hashem (so do Christians) while the Egyptians are stuck with a fake gawd named allah. No wonder the Muslims are jealous. The faker the the god the crazier the people who pray to it

False prophet, fake gawd, what possibly could go wrong?


19 posted on 01/02/2011 7:39:51 PM PST by dennisw (- - - -He who does not economize will have to agonize - - - - - Confucius)
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