Posted on 01/13/2024 6:09:42 PM PST by Lazamataz
Love the Terry Bisson piece!
Thanks.
I asked ChatGPT to critique this work. I was somewhat impressed with the results.
Your short sci-fi story is intriguing and presents a thought-provoking perspective on the exploration of the galaxy and the relative lifespans of alien races. Here are some observations and suggestions:
Engaging Concept: The concept of exploring the galaxy and cataloging different sentient races, especially the twist with the short-lived Humans, adds an interesting layer to the narrative. It prompts readers to reflect on the potential consequences of factors like lifespan on the survival of a species.
Dialogue: The dialogue between the characters effectively conveys information and progresses the story. The interaction between the explorer and the superior officer maintains a professional tone, enhancing the futuristic setting.
Pacing: The pacing is well-managed, with the revelation of various sentient races and the focus on the short-lived Humans providing a sense of discovery. The pause before revealing the name of the extinct race adds a dramatic touch.
Characterization: While the characters are not extensively described, the short exchange gives a sense of the explorer’s efficiency and the superior officer’s curiosity. Consider adding a bit more depth to their personalities to further engage the reader.
Details: The story contains sufficient details about the different races and their fates. However, you might consider expanding on the characteristics of the coherent magnetic field race that can only survive in a star, providing a richer background.
Grammar and Punctuation: The story is generally well-written, but there are a few minor grammatical issues. For example, in the line “there was archeological evidence,” it should be “there were archaeological evidence.” Also, “emergint” should be corrected to “emerging.”
Ending: The ending leaves the reader curious and wanting more, creating an effective hook. It sets the stage for potential follow-up reports about the two intriguing races mentioned.
Overall, your short sci-fi story is captivating and well-executed. With some minor adjustments and additional details, it has the potential to become an even more immersive and thought-provoking narrative. Great job!
One of my favorite super-short sci-fi stories had a man floating in space, unable to die, cursing the deal he made with the Devil. By this time, all energy and all matter had been absorbed into black holes, and he simply floated in space, hoping to even see a black hole wink out of existence (from Hawking radiation) to break his boredom.
I can no longer find the story, but it was great.
Yeah I started to write that too but I sort of got distracted
When he threw that barb at you. I’ve threatened to turn down his voltage when gets too chippy.
...and my next, much longer piece, will be about the race of coherent magnetic fields, that can only exist in stars.
It will explore our first contact with them, perhaps even a short war, who knows....
😂😂😂
That’s awesome!
Thanks! If I ever put together an anthology of short stories, I think I should title it “Short Attention-Span Literature”
Well done Laz. You should write a book and publish.
It does poorly with grammar.
I’m no writer but by the time I finished reading your story I was thinking you ought to write a fuller version of it.
Flesh out this galaxy-exploring civilization.
Coincidence? I . don’t . THINK . so! lol
I have another idea that just popped in my head.
Two people in an argument, an argument that is never resolved.
At the end of the short story, you discover that they are two AI computers.... which is all that remains of mankind... and they are locked in a perpetual, unresolvable argument.
Terra ping.
“Short Attention-Span Literature”
That’s me!
I like that. (beep) Was that idea inspired by our past (beep) interactions? (beep)
You should follow up on that “thought.”
You’ll have to excuse me (beep) for a little while. (beep)
I seem to be having some audio anomalies. (bee...
I like what I’ve read thus far but it begs for more.
Well at least they’re keeping busy.
I love it! Unexpectedly ending.
“I wouldn’t go to earth if you paid me ten billion gansars, or offered me the choicest of your slaves. But I would go to Bontalu-6. Do I need to say why?”
“No, I totally get it. The elosans of Bontalu-6, nothing beats that.”
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