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In Time, In Time
Original Content | 1/13/2024 | By Laz A. Mataz

Posted on 01/13/2024 6:09:42 PM PST by Lazamataz

"So, you explored the galaxy I assigned you?"

"Yes, sir. I've cataloged more than sixteen thousand sentient races, in various stages of technical development. Twelve of them approach our level of technology."

"Have you approached those twelve?"

"I have. Six of them are artificially-intelligent races of machines, five are organically-based, and one race consists of coherent magnetic fields that can only exists in stars."

"That last one interests me. Please submit a report on that one, for my later review."

"I will do so, sir."

"How many failed races did you discover?"

"There was archeological evidence of more than forty-two thousand emergint species that died out. The usual causes were discovered: Natural disasters, stellar extinction, uncontrolled artificial intelligence, stuff like that. One sentient race was born during our exploration, their society evolved to great heights -- nowhere near ours, of course, but impressive in its speed -- but died out very quickly, in less than a percent of the time we dedicated to our exploration."

"Less than one percent! What was their problem?"

"They had extraordinarily short lifespans. A few natural disasters, and they died out very quickly."

"A shame. Did they have a name for themselves?"

"Yes. They called themselves Humans; they lived on a planet they called Earth."

Thar'ruuck paused briefly, allowing more than 12,000 years to pass, then spoke again.

"I'd like to read a report about that race as well."


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS:
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To: Lazamataz

Love the Terry Bisson piece!

Thanks.


41 posted on 01/13/2024 6:51:42 PM PST by Pearls Before Swine
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To: BipolarBob

I asked ChatGPT to critique this work. I was somewhat impressed with the results.


Your short sci-fi story is intriguing and presents a thought-provoking perspective on the exploration of the galaxy and the relative lifespans of alien races. Here are some observations and suggestions:

Engaging Concept: The concept of exploring the galaxy and cataloging different sentient races, especially the twist with the short-lived Humans, adds an interesting layer to the narrative. It prompts readers to reflect on the potential consequences of factors like lifespan on the survival of a species.

Dialogue: The dialogue between the characters effectively conveys information and progresses the story. The interaction between the explorer and the superior officer maintains a professional tone, enhancing the futuristic setting.

Pacing: The pacing is well-managed, with the revelation of various sentient races and the focus on the short-lived Humans providing a sense of discovery. The pause before revealing the name of the extinct race adds a dramatic touch.

Characterization: While the characters are not extensively described, the short exchange gives a sense of the explorer’s efficiency and the superior officer’s curiosity. Consider adding a bit more depth to their personalities to further engage the reader.

Details: The story contains sufficient details about the different races and their fates. However, you might consider expanding on the characteristics of the coherent magnetic field race that can only survive in a star, providing a richer background.

Grammar and Punctuation: The story is generally well-written, but there are a few minor grammatical issues. For example, in the line “there was archeological evidence,” it should be “there were archaeological evidence.” Also, “emergint” should be corrected to “emerging.”

Ending: The ending leaves the reader curious and wanting more, creating an effective hook. It sets the stage for potential follow-up reports about the two intriguing races mentioned.

Overall, your short sci-fi story is captivating and well-executed. With some minor adjustments and additional details, it has the potential to become an even more immersive and thought-provoking narrative. Great job!


42 posted on 01/13/2024 6:52:31 PM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Pearls Before Swine; null and void

One of my favorite super-short sci-fi stories had a man floating in space, unable to die, cursing the deal he made with the Devil. By this time, all energy and all matter had been absorbed into black holes, and he simply floated in space, hoping to even see a black hole wink out of existence (from Hawking radiation) to break his boredom.

I can no longer find the story, but it was great.


43 posted on 01/13/2024 6:56:29 PM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

Yeah I started to write that too but I sort of got distracted
When he threw that barb at you. I’ve threatened to turn down his voltage when gets too chippy.


44 posted on 01/13/2024 6:57:40 PM PST by BipolarBob (My investment choice for 2024 is pre-ban menthol cigarettes. )
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To: Pearls Before Swine; null and void

...and my next, much longer piece, will be about the race of coherent magnetic fields, that can only exist in stars.

It will explore our first contact with them, perhaps even a short war, who knows....


45 posted on 01/13/2024 6:58:03 PM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: null and void

😂😂😂


46 posted on 01/13/2024 6:59:45 PM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

That’s awesome!


47 posted on 01/13/2024 7:01:08 PM PST by caver
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To: caver

Thanks! If I ever put together an anthology of short stories, I think I should title it “Short Attention-Span Literature”


48 posted on 01/13/2024 7:03:41 PM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

Well done Laz. You should write a book and publish.


49 posted on 01/13/2024 7:06:55 PM PST by plain talk
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To: Lazamataz

It does poorly with grammar.


50 posted on 01/13/2024 7:17:15 PM PST by ConservativeMind (Trump: Befuddling Democrats, Republicans, and the Media for the benefit of the US and all mankind.)
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To: Lazamataz

I’m no writer but by the time I finished reading your story I was thinking you ought to write a fuller version of it.
Flesh out this galaxy-exploring civilization.

Coincidence? I . don’t . THINK . so! lol


51 posted on 01/13/2024 7:24:33 PM PST by TigersEye (Our Republic is under seige by globalist Marxists. Hold fast!)
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To: TigersEye

I have another idea that just popped in my head.

Two people in an argument, an argument that is never resolved.

At the end of the short story, you discover that they are two AI computers.... which is all that remains of mankind... and they are locked in a perpetual, unresolvable argument.


52 posted on 01/13/2024 7:27:59 PM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: wattojawa

Terra ping.


53 posted on 01/13/2024 7:29:54 PM PST by lightman (I am a binary Trinitarian. Deal with it!)
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To: Lazamataz

“Short Attention-Span Literature”

That’s me!


54 posted on 01/13/2024 7:30:40 PM PST by caver
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To: lightman
Terrapin?


55 posted on 01/13/2024 7:33:10 PM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

I like that. (beep) Was that idea inspired by our past (beep) interactions? (beep)
You should follow up on that “thought.”

You’ll have to excuse me (beep) for a little while. (beep)
I seem to be having some audio anomalies. (bee...


56 posted on 01/13/2024 7:35:53 PM PST by TigersEye (Our Republic is under seige by globalist Marxists. Hold fast!)
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To: Lazamataz

I like what I’ve read thus far but it begs for more.


57 posted on 01/13/2024 7:39:31 PM PST by AFreeBird
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To: Lazamataz

Well at least they’re keeping busy.


58 posted on 01/13/2024 7:40:32 PM PST by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire, or both.)
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To: Lazamataz

I love it! Unexpectedly ending.


59 posted on 01/13/2024 7:43:24 PM PST by CFW (I will not comply!)
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To: Lazamataz

“I wouldn’t go to earth if you paid me ten billion gansars, or offered me the choicest of your slaves. But I would go to Bontalu-6. Do I need to say why?”

“No, I totally get it. The elosans of Bontalu-6, nothing beats that.”


60 posted on 01/13/2024 7:46:33 PM PST by Peter ODonnell (Prayers up for Jim Robinson and family ... an island of sanity in a sea of madness. )
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