Posted on 10/17/2021 3:17:02 PM PDT by WMarshal
Few people know the story of ancient Rome's Emperor Scelestus Bidenus Obscenus and how he helped usher in the Fall of Rome.
Emperor Bidenus is hard to track down in the historical sources due to the many inventive names the Romans gave him which is a testament to his popularity. He has been mention by the following various terms like Emperor Bad Touch, Turnip Cesar, and no-good jerk (malus nequamque).
He was the first emperor to give protected status to the invading Germanic tribes and was quoted as saying "Visigoths do the work and slaying that Romans refuse to do." He wagon-carted the Visogoths all over the empire.
Emperor Scelestus Bidenus Obscenus also did his best to integrate german tribesmen into the Roman Army and his particular protégé was Arminius. Things went well until some fun-loving Greco-Roman scamps tried to force Arminius into dress and to "get to know him biblically" as the recent arrivals for Judea often say.
After fleeing Rome to Germania Aminius went on to command an alliance of Germanic tribes at the Battle of the Teutoburg Forest in 9 AD, in which three Roman legions under the command of general Publius Quinctilius Varus were destroyed. Romans were horrified at all the news scrolls with drawings of dead Roman soldiers purposely arranged to depict homoerotic sexual acts. One odious scene, where a Roman soldier was bent so violent that he was having sex with his own face was called the "Teutoburg" after the battle.
Thanks to cultural misunderstandings like this and the refusal of germanic tribesmen to "evolve" the Roman Empire fell to the Germanic tribes. In 476, the Germanic barbarian king Odoacer, with the support of the Roman Senate, deposed the last emperor of the Western Roman Empire in Italy, Romulus Augustulus. Rome died with a whimper.
Cheer up NPR-Americans. When, and not if, Emperor Bad Touch steps down or dies then he will be succeeded by Empress Impudicus Kamala Meterix.
The Last Days of Rome: How A Great Empire Fell With Barely a Whimper: https://historycollection.com/last-days-rome-great-empire-fell-barely-whimper/
When The Romans Lost A Tenth Of Their Armies In A Single Battle – The Disaster Of The Teutoburg Forest:https://www.warhistoryonline.com/ancient-history/romans-lost-tenth-armies.html
“Visigoths do the work and slaying that Romans refuse to do.”...
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I believe that was a previous emperor, Georgius Wussious Bushus.
Emperor Biggus Dickus
Emperor Brandon
Assistant Visigoth Smirkingus Chimpus
And when the emperor is gone we get Empress Incontinentia Buttocks.
Emperor Mentis Nonexisticus still gets his decem percent.
He had a son too, I believe, called Beltchimus Maximus who had an abacus with porno pictures inscribed on the beads. The son didn’t fiddle while Rome burnt, rather he fiddled his brother’s wife with a couple of Chinese harlots thrown in that he got from Eric Slothwell Fartimus Maximus who was throwing a party for the execs at Genghis Con Incorporated who owned half of the Empire. Bletchimus use to dabble in horse-trading and had one of his horses elected as senator to replace Linda Vagina Graham who retired to his swimming pool to have little boys dive underwater and nip at his private parts like goldfish. The horse accomplish much in his long career and was awarded an honorary doctor position in any liberal college of his choosing. He was eventually made into glue and Bletchimus snorted him one fine evening while reclining on the divan and being Divine.
Are you sure this guy really existed? I can’t find anything on him!
It’s satire.
(Or at least according to Google translate)
Is that the war cry of the opponents? “March on Brandonus?”
You have to unpack the Latin to be able to find this guy in history. The fist part of his emperor's tile is his name Scelestus which means criminal. The second part of the girl is the family name which is Bidenus. The third part is the knickname the Romans gave him and Obscenus which means foul sexual/excretory, and detestable. putting them together we get 'Emperor Criminal Biden the Destable Shit'
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
I always said to my old pal Juvenal "It will be someone like myself with fine morals, money, and a desire to corrupt a woman's morals.
| audio quid ueteres olim moneatis amici, "pone seram, cohibe." sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes? cauta est et ab illis incipit uxor. | I hear always the admonishment of my friends: "Bolt her in, constrain her!" But who will watch the guardians? The wife plans ahead and begins with them!. |
Hence (by way of analogy ;>) the politicized federal law enforcement agencies and "woke" military...
Hm. I guess I’m gonna have to do some more research! 🤣😁
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