Posted on 05/19/2021 8:32:37 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
HELL—With the lifting of CDC guidance regarding masks for vaccinated persons, Satan has released a statement assuring the damned that masks will still be required in all levels of hell.
In addition to masks, everyone will be forced to wear glasses that fog up instantly and you can never, ever clean them. Masks will only be of the thick, cloth variety that retains the smell of everything you ate for the past three weeks, and only enough air will get through to stay conscious.
“Hell really has very strict standards,” explained the Prince of Darkness. “People come in with these terrible preconceptions, but I run a pretty tight ship around here. The number of masks you have to wear corresponds to the circle of Hell you reside in, which goes to eight right now – Dante was so close! If you ever move your mask down to your chin, one of our demons will spend the next thirty years screaming at you like one of those nuts down on Earth. This whole thing has really been a wonderful addition to our program, really got the creative juices flowing.”
Sources say that in the case of liberals who prefer for everyone to wear masks for all eternity, those souls will be placed in tight quarters with Roman soldiers who will not be required to mask. This is expected to serve an excellent dual purpose of torturing both the screaming liberals and the damned Romans who will have no idea where these masked lunatics came from or why they are yelling ferociously.
For one final touch, Satan will set up monitors which every so often will announce that the mask ‘science’ has changed; but the masks will still remain, for all eternity.
Heave, presumably, does not require you to wear the damned mask.
DANG!
Babylon Bee and Gateway back to back posts. What more do we need?
Hell is being required to wear 6 masks, only havinge 5 on, and being chewed out for all eternity by a stickler that screams “YOU NEED TO WEAR ONE MORE MASK!”
That’s funny! And I don’t know why.
For those of us living in blue states we are exempt because we already live in hell.
lol!! Love the BB!
Gosh I can see the BB writing films of riotous proportion!
Nancy will love this when she gets back home
LMAO! The Bee nails it again.
Leftists will now be fighting to get in.
Flammable masks, at that.
God has placed a call to Governor Ron DeSantis for guidance on the issue.
Hellinois is the capital of Hell. I know, I live here.
Otherwise known as Wal-Mart. Satan’s Playground.
Even worse, booster shots will be required every 20 minutes
Just returned from a trip to the Dr. for blood-lab prior to annual physical.
I was asked to remove the mask I was wearing (expensive/effective) and put on one of their fresh/useless paper masks.......
Since masks bring comfort to the liberals, I doubt this is true.....
We need more cowbell.
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