Police Do Care

The police department in the small hill country town of Kerrville, Texas, reported finding a man's body last Saturday, in the early evening, in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Fredericksburg. When he was found, he was wearing black fishnet stockings, 10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes, and a Biden T-shirt.

The police removed the BidenT-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

A lawyer with a wife and 12 children needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home. He was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said that he had 12 children no one would rent a home to him, because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn’t say that he had no children, because he couldn’t lie; we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie. So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and the price was right — the agent asked:

“How many children do you have?”

He answered: “Twelve.”

The agent asked, “Where are the others?”

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered, “They’re in the cemetery with their mother.”

MORAL: It’s not necessary to lie. One only has to choose the right words. Don’t forget, most politicians are unfortunately lawyers.

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him where it is again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

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