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SATIRE Iran Declines To Sign Colin Kaepernick After Reviewing Workout Video
Babylon Bee ^
| 6 Jan
| Babylon Bee
Posted on 01/06/2020 11:49:35 AM PST by rey
TEHRANColin Kaepernick sent his workout video to Iran after learning they may have recently opened up a position but has yet to receive a phone call.
Kaepernick condemned American attacks on Iranian terrorists last week, inciting rumors that he may have found a team interested in him in the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps. But Iranian officials have dispelled the rumors, stating clearly and unequivocally that "we have no interest in signing Kaepernick at this time, but we wish him well in his future endeavors."
"It's disappointing to see that Iran is as hateful as America," a downcast Kaepernick said in a press conference. "I expected to be welcomed as a hero over there, but apparently, they too are biased against people with dark skin." Kaepernick plans to protest Iran's hate by continuing to kneel during the American national anthem.
Iran has clarified that they agree with Kaepernick ideologically, but they need someone who can throw.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; colinkaepernick; iran; kaepernick; soleimani
1
posted on
01/06/2020 11:49:35 AM PST
by
rey
To: rey
2
posted on
01/06/2020 11:51:31 AM PST
by
2banana
(My common ground with islamic terrorists - they want to die for allah and we want to kill them.)
To: rey
3
posted on
01/06/2020 11:52:12 AM PST
by
facedown
(Armed in the Heartland)
To: rey; AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Arthur Wildfire! March; Berosus; Bockscar; cardinal4; ...
LOL... job opening... heh heh...
4
posted on
01/06/2020 11:56:18 AM PST
by
SunkenCiv
(Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie.)
To: rey
5
posted on
01/06/2020 11:57:49 AM PST
by
Leep
(Everyday is Trump Day!)
To: rey
LOL! They need someone who can throw the bomb, not just keep his hands up under center for delay of jihad.
6
posted on
01/06/2020 11:59:07 AM PST
by
PGalt
(Past Peak Civilization?)
To: rey
7
posted on
01/06/2020 11:59:12 AM PST
by
Eleutheria5
("SHUT UP!" he explained.)
To: rey
8
posted on
01/06/2020 12:01:00 PM PST
by
Spruce
To: rey
Was Colon turned down by the Iranian suicide bomber recruiters?
9
posted on
01/06/2020 12:02:18 PM PST
by
Grampa Dave
(If Nanzi peeee-losi, Schiffless, Mad Maxine and Chuckie were in charge, they would be droning us.)
To: Leep
Kaep can’t compete with Dennis Rodman...
10
posted on
01/06/2020 12:08:17 PM PST
by
MortMan
(Americans are a people increasingly separated by our connectivity.)
To: rey
To: rey
Kapernick would fit right in...”Death to America!”
To: rey
ROTFL!
13
posted on
01/06/2020 12:30:32 PM PST
by
Gay State Conservative
(The Rats Can't Get Over The Fact That They Lost A Rigged Election)
To: rey
14
posted on
01/06/2020 12:46:13 PM PST
by
BeauBo
To: rey
15
posted on
01/06/2020 12:51:19 PM PST
by
BeauBo
To: rey
16
posted on
01/06/2020 12:56:45 PM PST
by
BeauBo
To: rey
17
posted on
01/06/2020 3:55:05 PM PST
by
jocon307
(Dem party delenda est!)
To: rey
In Iran, there’s nothing special about taking a knee.
18
posted on
01/06/2020 10:33:56 PM PST
by
Lean-Right
(Eat More Moose)
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