Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents

babylonbee.com ^ | Sept. 3, 2019

[PROCON]

BENTONVILLE, AR—In a bold move intended to curb the thousands of deaths from vehicles each and every day, Walmart has decided to stop selling auto parts, sources confirmed Tuesday.

According to shocking reports, people have purchased car parts at Walmart and then those cars have been involved in accidents, proving a direct correlation between selling auto parts and causing deaths.

"We can no longer be complicit in an industry that kills over 3,000 people a day," said a spokesperson for Walmart. "Every time we sell a muffler, steering wheel cover, or flame decal, we are potentially causing the death of a person, and we cannot support that any longer."

[PROCON]

"It's clear that bad drivers and poor road conditions don't cause vehicular deaths---cars do."

Well played, Bee.

[Secret Agent Man]

They could have also added they will stop selling gas for vehicles as well. Especially diesel, for those big dangerous assault vehicles.

[MHGinTN]

Brilliant satire!

[right way right]

Babbling bee strikes again.
lol.

[faithhopecharity]

great report, Bee!
right ON!

[Still Thinking]

Now that’s funny right there, I don’t care who ya are!

[twister881]

Ammunition doesn’t kill people — Walmart associates who sell ammunition do.

*This is the empty headed thinking of the empty suits at Walmart.

[bicyclerepair]

Every male should be castrated to prevent rape.

[Rebelbase]

The Bee is better at satire than the Onion ever was.

[lizma2]

Thank you soooo much for not posting /Satire.

It is such a hoot to read a few lines of the article before you figure out it’s the Bee.

I suspect someday it won’t be from them. It will become reality.

[metmom]

EXCELLENT!!!!

The Bee strikes again.

[Lazamataz]

I used to think I was good at satire.

Then I met the Babylon Bee.

[metmom]

Thank you soooo much for not posting /Satire. It is such a hoot to read a few lines of the article before you figure out it’s the Bee.

A greed.

It takes all the fun out of it when someone warns everyone it's satire.

[ealgeone]

Sometimes you have to read the articles twice just to be sure.

[cgbg]

They got me—I was convinced wussy Walmart would stop selling those fire-starter sticks—since they cause fires!

[43north]

OK, when is the Wallyworld CEO going to announce that his stores are going to stop selling alcohol and tobacco products? These substances cause more death and destruction than firearms!

[Fast Moving Angel]

If they stopped selling baby oil, would that prevent babies? If so, no more Planned Parenthood ... problem solved! /s

[foundedonpurpose]

Pluss 100!

[Midwesterner53]

American mega corporations are not smart enough to take an approach like this.

[foundedonpurpose]

Indeed!