Posted on 08/10/2018 3:32:44 AM PDT by sodpoodle
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Tom was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Tom tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Tom.
'What in bag?' asked the old man.
Tom looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'
The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:
'Good trade.....'
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who wasa da piga thata did this a you? I wannna know!’
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair who is impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
“Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.’
‘ I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account!
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him.
“You a-gonna try again.”
Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.
At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna tell his wife?”
They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.
“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”
Goldberg goes over to the Meyer’s condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: “Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop dead!” yells the wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” says Goldberg.
LOL!
I used to be married but I’m feeling much better now!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"
The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered..
"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada..... He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno '
An elderly widow and widower were sitting on a park bench, discussing the possibility of marriage to each other.
Widow: “What about sex?”
Widower: “Infrequently.”
Widow: “Is that one word or two?”
LOL!
Jokes about gays and the young are taboo, but making fun of seniors and sex are acceptable - ironic ain’t it?
An old widower walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman. He is dressed well and well groomed. He looks at the woman and asks, “Do I come here often?”
“...but making fun of seniors and sex are acceptable...”
Just proves...they never get old...
“Jokes about gays and the young are taboo, but making fun of seniors and sex are acceptable - ironic ain’t it?”
No, some combination of “F’m if they can’t take a joke”
My comment went sideways - should have just said that senior sex jokes are the best;) Especially when you reach those ‘memory’ years.
....and Czech’s and blonde, of which, I am both....blonde lately with help from a bottle!!
Thanks for your LOL’s sodpoodle!!!
>>Jokes about gays and the young are taboo, but making fun of seniors and sex are acceptable - ironic ain’t it?<<
Yes, it is.
A homosexual man from Khartoum
Took a young lesbian up to his room
They spent half the night
Arguing who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom!
My comment went sideways - should have just said that senior sex jokes are the best;) Especially when you reach those ‘memory’ years.
Actually, my equal opportunity offender side can put either of your comments to good use. Fine Business.
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