Posted on 07/14/2018 6:03:20 AM PDT by TermLimitsforAll
So my brother passed away at 59 after an 8 year battle with ALS. I hadn't seen him in over 2 years primarily based upon my beliefs and their opposition to those beliefs. I really didn't want my children around to be honest. That said he was still my brother and the friction wasn't with him at all. It was his kid and wife.
I had commented about my beliefs on gay marriage and they were strongly opposed to my opposition. His whole family were strong Hillary supporters as well. In fact they moved to Atlanta from the land of fruits and ferries (California).
I called to express my condolences and to find out the arrangements for his funeral only to be shut down and was told to not call, text or otherwise contact them forever. This coming from a so called Christian family. My brother had a baptism in March of this year, makes me feel comforted by the way.
My experience here has cemented my belief that these folks, liberals in general, are so angry that it doesn't matter if you're family or not. If you don't subscribe to their beliefs you are the enemy and nothing will change that. I held back on going off on my niece that was the instigator of the whole thing. I figured it best to leave it alone while they're grieving.
I will not be going to the funeral out of respect for my brother, I'll pay my respects later alone and just continue to pray for him and his family. What gets me is the fact that they don't want any of our family (mother, and 3 brothers with children) to be in attendance of the funeral. What kind of sinkhole have we evolved to in our society that my brothers own mother is not welcome at a funeral?
I find resentment and anger to be therapeutic and a socially acceptable option to killing evil people. And the consequences are easier on me. It worked in my life and then i forgot about it.
When my brother killed himself last November, family members from his previous marriage, his current wife’s estranged son (who loved my brother), his crazy current wife, his children who can’t stand her, etc, all managed to get along at the funeral despite all the factions and emotional baggage.
Everyone behaved, spent some time grieving and remembering good things about him, and went thier own ways. It can be done - and should be if at all possible.
With all due respect, I read his entire post twice. He stated very clearly that they did not agree on political issues (Gay marriage was an example.) And then he goes on to say that he did not see him for the past two years of his life—while his brother was dying of ALS.
Tell me how your own brother’s dying of a horrible disease OVER YEARS does not overcome your difference on gay marriage?
And then he comes on FR and whines because his sister in law doesn’t want to see him now?
Re Read that.
And then imagine a post from the SIL saying how she had to deal with her husband’s slow, horrific death for the past two years. Cleaning spittle out of his throat. Inserting the feeding tube down to his stomach. Changing his diapers like a baby. Holding him while he cried because he could not die.
And then, her husband is dead—this guy shows up all broken down because his brother has died.
How you would answer that depends on whether or not you have done the dirty work for years and then had someone who was capable of helping out of love and compassion—show up all butt hurt because the sibling died. Imagine how that would make you feel.
Would you allow your brother’s illness and agonizing death overcome your personal opinions to help his wife and family. Here is a clue: THEY are HIS Family.
Our FRiend missed his opportunity to show his respect and love for his brother.
He missed that train.
He posted the article looking for opinions. We are not obligated to agree with him. I am not sorry I did not jump to his defense. But I have been on the other side of selfish siblings. They “could not help because it was too hard for them.” Tough. Life is hard. Get over yourself
Then don’t make a post to make himself feel right about a bad decision.
The vast majority of responses are an indication of how utterly ridiculous much of the emotion surrounding these political issues.
It used to be that your brother died like this and the estranged brother skulks into the back of the church, says a prayer and then when the room is empty, says his good byes.
Asking the SIL for forgiveness would be a good first step.
Really, think posting about this on a public forum is appropriate.
I feel sad for your family.
It’s terrible when there is this kind of animosity in families.
You reached out. You did the honourable thing. They are behaving awfully. Maybe one day they will realize that and show remorse. But human nature is often to remain steadfast and not admit that one has wronged someone.
My dad passed this past November. Two of my brothers refused to attend his viewing and military send-off. It wasn’t for political reasons, but for hurts from their childhood. I have no business telling someone how to live their life. I don’t think it’s my place, but I thought both of them should have attended.
I’m sorry about the passing of your brother. I’m sorry for the discord in your family.
It’s hard to do the right thing. I know. I’m human and very imperfect. But we must always try to rise above our natures even though painful. It’s the only way we can grow and mature. At 50 years old, I’m still maturing and feeling growth pains.
Best to you and your mom and siblings.
Good quote on resentment. I’m struggling with it in a multitude of ways myself.
Grief and loss seeks relief... Sadly, I find your remarks more inappropriate than the one seeking comfort. This site promotes God, family and country... obviously you seem to sit atop some higher top than do the rest of US.
That is way over the line - especially on a thread like this.
Your whole post is one, long, self righteous personal attack, on a person you don't even know. It's also a violation of the house rules.
Shameful.
Sorry for your loss and the scene caused by your brother.
After the election of Trump, Prager did a show on this where mostly leftists were disowning family over Trump.
I won’t say evil is more prevalent now because we’re in the end times. I don’t know that. My theory is it’s become more acceptable to be an atheist and I’ve always believed that if society didn’t believe in some kind of god then society would have no moral compass. Anything goes.
Plus we have a religion that teaches “kill the infidel” and a godless society that supports their right to teach it.
Finally, I believe there are lots of people who don’t know they’re working for Satan because they don’t believe in Satan. And that’s the way he wants it.
And remember, God GAVE Satan power over the earth.
It really is amazing, and very disheartening.
During the eight years of GWB, my liberal family, associates, and customers never held back in their extreme disdain, and even hatred for the man, even if they knew my politics. Remember we called it 'BDS'?
Next up, eight years of Obama, and their behavior didn't change. Even though they had the president they wanted, they just could not stop poking us in the eye, while he went about"fundamentally transforming America."
During those years, it seemed to me that they were engaged in an orgy of violence against every conservative American value and tradition. Remember that Occupy and BLM were born during that time.
Now that Trump is in office, the wheels have completely come off the crazy wagon. Now, more than ever, political ideology means more than blood to the left. It's like 1861, all over again. My family split during that conflict, too.
May God heal you. My thoughts are a little bit different. 2 of my siblings are progressive leftists. We parted ways years ago. They love the government and the little it gives them. I moved away from them so that my family might break the chains of dependence. They’re happy I guess.
They are NOT welcome at my funeral. It is my wish and I promised my daughter I would come back and haunt her if she invited them.
They will all get worse. The voices in their heads are gettin louder. Even the most intelligent amongst them is just babbling now.
What you know:
1. At least a part of the decision was made because of political differences.
What you don’t know:
1. The conversations that led to the estrangement.
2. The conversations by other siblings and mother that led to their estrangement.
3. The family dynamics and cultural differences that surround expectations and needs.
I was in a situation where my mother had a horrible illness and my siblings did little to help. This is not that. And you’re still an asshat who is reading your own story into this. And you owe an apology.
I didn't realize you were my other brother...
Throw yourself on the Lord's mercy and grace. Pray about what you should do, and whatever you decide, just keep it in prayer throughout and afterward.
You didn't make this situation all by yourself; repent for your part and humble yourself for the sake of your soul and your mother's pain; but recognize that even if you reach out or do decide to go there, doing so won't necessarily jumpstart them to moderate their hostility. Be open to the possibility, but have your graceful exit plan in place.
Your brother had fallen away until shortly before his death and had chosen what amounts to marrying a different religion; those folks cannot be expected to share your values, although it would be nice. Let this be a challenge to deepen your own trust in your Savior from this day forward.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NKJV)
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.
You may be right. It could be they are just plain evil people. I have experienced it first hand and how my brother put up with that over the years. I guess it’s good though. They were his caregivers for the last couple of years. They had always struggled financially and I was there for them to a point. Looks like their payday arrived at the expense of my brothers unfortunate situation. Thank you
Vermont Lt,
I have experienced someone with ALS dying. It’s probably the worst disease a person can live/die with in my opinion. I failed to specify that it’s my brothers family that is evil and mean spirited. I had tried to reach out to my brother multiple times and no response. I’m guessing that he was unable to move his arms at that point, unable to answer the cell phone. Certainly would have made the attempt to visit for sure. The community they live in is not the greatest area of Atlanta and even when I was visiting regularly getting past security was a struggle. I admittedly did not call the in-laws because of how they are. I without question wouldn’t have thought of brining my kids to visit with him as the family is a bunch of pot smoking, alcohol drinking people who rely on the government for their paychecks.
I understand your post but I was only trying to specify one thing that was made abundantly clear by my brothers family. We are not welcome at the funeral and they want nothing to do with any of the family, including Uncles and Aunts. This is political in my mind due to the arguments from the Obama loving, Hillary voting family members who unfriended, blocked numbers etc from all the family members who showed support for our POTUS.
That is all. I wish you a good day.
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