***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ Amen! With a heart heavy laden I write this email to you. I am Mrs. Tumelo Tebogo, (Widow) from South Africa. I was brought up from a motherless babies home, was married to Mr. Masego Tebogo (A Rich Business Man). Before his sudden death in a fatal motor accident we were married for twenty years without a child. Besides, we were both true Christians before died and base on my love, care and compassion for him, I decided not to remarry. Hence I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited the sum of US$10,200,000.00 in the bank to start a charity organization.

Thereafter, I was diagnosed cancer of the lungs which also affected my brain, from all indication my conditions is really deteriorating. My doctors told me that I may not live for the next two months because the cancer has gotten to a very bad stage. Presently I'm with my laptop in a hospital in Israel where I am undergoing treatment. Just few days ago, my bank management wrote me to come and break the deposit or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf if I cannot come over because of my illness, otherwise they will confiscate it. I tried contacting my lawyer to handle it and was informed he is dead.

Hence, I contacted you as God fearing person to accomplish my dying wish by claiming the money from the bank and use it to open a charity organization that will propagate the gospel of Christ, help the poor, the orphanages /less privileged people and widows. Consequently, you are requested to furnish me with the following information to enable me writing an authorization letter to the bank asking them to release the funds to you as my next of kin. YOUR FULL NAME, ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER, SEX, AGE, MARITAL STATUS AND OCCUPATION.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank officer in charge of the funds and also issue them a letter of authorization to release the funds to you as my next of kin.

I am Mrs. Florence Walker, I am a US citizen, 51 years Old. I reside here in Fountain Hills Arizona. My residential address is as follows. 17370 E San Marcus Dr Fountain Hills, AZ 85268, USA, am thinking of relocating since I am now rich. I am one of those that took part in the Compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over US$46,000 while in the US, trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel down to Nigeria with all my compensation documents, And I was directed to meet Lawyer Tony Gani, who is the member of COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE, and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment. Right now I am the most happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds of $10,500,000.00 Moreover, Lawyer Tony Gani, showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your email address as one of the beneficiaries, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you. I will advise you to contact Lawyer Tony Gani.

COMPENSATION AWARD HOUSE
Name : Lawyer Tony Gani(Esq)
Email: lawyertony2@foxmail.com

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing. The only money I paid after I met Lawyer Tony was just US$450 for the paper works, take note of that. As soon as you contact him he will send you the payment information which you are to use in sending the payment to him in order for him to obtain the document from the court of law there in Nigeria so that your fund can be transfer to you without any delay just the way mine was being transfer to me.

Send him the following details if you know you are ready to have your FUNDS so that as soon as he receive your information he will send to you the payment details for sending him the $450USD that is needed for him to get the document that is needed to make the transfer a successful one and that is that only payment i made to Lawyer Tony Gani and he help me in the transferring of my FUNDS and i most say that you have to contact him so that he will help you the way he help me to Get my FUNDS without any further payment.

Fill Out the information to him if you are ready to get your FUNDS
Your Full Name:...........................................................
Direct Phone:.........................................
Country:............................................
Occupation:............................
Gender:..................
Age:.............

Once again stop contacting those people, I will advise you to contact Lawyer Tony Gani so that he can help you to Deliver your fund instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction.

Thank You and Be Blessed.
Mrs. Florence Walker.
17370 E San Marcus Dr
Fountain Hills, AZ 85268, USA

But wait....the FBI sent me something too, so it must be legit, right?NOTE: If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, that is because of the restrictions implemented by your Internet Service Provider, we (FBI) urge you to treat it genuinely.

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

We bring to your notice that your email address was randomly selected as email address of scammed victims who are to be compensated that is why we are in contact with you so take your time to read this information carefully.

Series of meetings have been held over the past 3 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $3.5,000,000,00 Million us dollars due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the president of the United States Of America President Obama to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Oline banking Transfer or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $10,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2020. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

Online Banking:EH National Bank,Beverly Hills CA 90212 for transfer: after the confirmation of your $380, The Above Stated bank will commence with the transfer of your funds. each trannsfer will take 24 hours . $500,000usd. till the full total sum of $3.5Million is fully transfer in to your bank account.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by The United Nations, Federal Bureau Of Investigation including custom paper and clearance duty services so all you will ever need to pay is $380 which is for the ups courier service delivery of your package. DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $420 but because UPS have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $420 to $380 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!

BELOW ARE FEW LIST OF TRACKING NUMBERS YOU CAN TRACK FROM (UPS) WEBSITE(http://WWW.UPS.COM)TO CONFIRM PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO HAVE RECEIVED THEIR PAYMENT SUCCESSFULLY.

JOHNNY ALMANTE=1Z2X59394198080570 GARY METZGER=1Z2X59394195952759 GLEN PAPANIKAS=1Z2X59394198690947 CAROL R BUCZYNSKI=1Z2X59394197862530 KARIMA EMELIA TAYLOR=1Z2X59394198591527 LISA LAIRD=1Z2X59394196641913 POLLY SHAYKIN=1Z2X59394198817702

To effect the release and transfer of your fund valued at $3.5 Million us dollars you are advised to contact our correspondent in Washington DC the delivery officer Mr. Mark Ruben with the information below!

Name: Mr.Mark Ruben
Email: fbmark20@yahoo.com
Alternative: fbgloria@outlook.com
Direct Phone:+ 1-(615)-379-0236

Your full Name............
Your Address:..............
Home/Cell Phone:........
Your Occupation..........
Your Identity................
Country...................
Zip code..................
Marital Status:......................
Preferred Payment Method....(ATM card / Online Banking Transfer)

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment package within the next 24 hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

And make sure that you keep the receipt of the $380 payment that you made because that is the prove you will show to the delivery team when they arrive at your door step with your package of delivery.

Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mark Ruben of the ATM card payment center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM card and Transfer payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.

CC. TO: Supreme Court of the United States
U. S. Courts of Appeals
U. S. District Courts
U. S. Circuit Courts

Courts of Special Jurisdiction:
Bankruptcy Courts
Court of Claims, 1855 - 1982
U. S. Court of Federal Claims, 1982 -
Customs Court, 1890 - 1980
U. S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910 - 1982
U. S. Court of International Trade, 1980 -
Commerce Court, 1910 - 1913

Note: This email fully under supervision of the FBI and will be until you have your ATM card at your door step, so kindly follow the instruction and have this Card delivered to your address without any more delay by paying the UPS Courier Delivery service fee and send to United State FBI Approved officer Mark Ruben As stated above.

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

AND THEN THIS ONE, FROM THE FBI, WHICH EERILY SEEMS TO SAY THE SAME THING AS THE LAST EMAIL:

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI. WASHINGTON DC.
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING.
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

We the FBI at the ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION would like to bring to your notice that your email address has won you the total ransom of $3.5, 000,000 ($3.5 Million USD) from the United Nations Organizations (UNO) due to the uncontrollable fraudulent activities which has been going on in the United State Of America and the World at large.

Your email ID has been discovered from some scam artist caught at the West Africa part of the World, So due to this reason the Secretary General of the United Nations Ban Ki-moon and the President of the FBI James Comey after having a separate and private meeting about these they decided to compensate the rightful owners of those emails with the sum of $3.5 million each which your email address was among the email group that was discovered. So that is why we are in contact with you so therefore you absolutely have nothing to worry about for your own share of $3.5 Million USD must get to you.

However the National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations have successfully passed a mandate to the Federal Bureau of Investigation to boost these exercise of clearing all foreign debts owned to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes.

Now this is how you can receive your Compensation Funds Award worth the sum of $3.5 Million USD by ATM Debit Master Card issued directly from Then "World Interswitch Bank of America.

ATM Debit Mater Card: The Inter-Switch Bank Of America will be issuing you an ATM Debit Master Card which you can be able to withdraw up to $10,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2020. Also with the ATM Debit Mater Card you will be able to transfer Money into your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook manual to enlighten you on how to make use of it. You can get this ATM card even if you do not have a bank account.

we have signed a contract with UPS which should expire in next three weeks. But before the UPS can leave for your doorstep you will only need to pay for their Delivery fee of your ATM CARD to your home which is only $480 Dollars instead of paying the normal $580 Dollars you hereby saving your $100 Dollars if you pay before Four working days you save yourself $100. Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely Imposters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any.

Note: Every order Bills and Taxes has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Washington DC, The United Nation and also the United State FBI, the UPS Courier service delivery fee/Endorsement fee is all you will ever have to pay which is $480 USA Dollars only. Do not send money to anyone until you read this and have heard from me. The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $565 dollars but because UPS have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $565 to $480 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!

Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from the (UPS) Website (WWW.UPS.COM). To confirm beneficiaries like you who have received their payment successfully.

JOHNNY ALMANTE ==============1Z2X59394198080570 GARY METZGER ==============1Z2X59394195952759 GLEN PAPANIKAS ==============1Z2X59394198690947

To effect the release of your Compensation funds valued at $3.5,000,000.00 USD ($3.5 Million USA dollars) you are advised to contact our correspondent at the FBI Headquarters in Washington DC the delivery officer Agent Mark Ruben with this contact information below!

You are advised to contact him with the information's as stated below; thereby making your UPS Courier delivery fee of $480.00 USD available to avoid much delays:

Your full Name............
Your Address:..............
Home/Cell Phone:........
Your Occupation..........
Your Identity................
Country...................
Zip code..................

Upon receipt of payment details been confirmed available the UPS delivery officer will ensure that your package is delivered to you personally within 24 working hours, Because we are so sure of everything and we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive Compensation Funds Award within the next 24 hrs after you have made the payment for shipping/Endorsement of your package to you, And make sure that you keep the receipt of the $480 payment that you made because that is the prove you will show to the delivery team when they arrive at your doorstep with your package.

NOTE: If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, that is because of the restrictions implemented by your Internet Service Provider, we (FBI) urge you to treat it genuinely, and this email is fully under supervision of the FBI and will be until you have your ATM card at your door step, so kindly follow the instruction and have this Card delivered to your address without any more delay by paying the UPS Courier Delivery service/Endorsement fee ($480) and send to United State FBI Approved officer Mark Ruben As stated above.

Yours Sincerely,
(FBI) Superior: Miss Donna Gwen.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Somewhere near the top...

Subject: Chicken or egg

I just ordered a chicken and an egg off the Internet.

I'll let you know which one comes first...

A priest carrying a rabbit, a rabbi dressed as a woman, a horse, a giraffe and a drunk midget walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

The giraffe says, "Ignore him, guys. The Highballs are on me."

Borrowed from coachisright.com

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. - Winston Churchill

How to stop time: KISS
How to travel in time: READ
How to escape time: MUSIC
How to feel time: WRITE
How to waste time: SOCIAL MEDIA

From an email: You can say a lot of things about President Obama but you have to give him credit for one thing:

The man took office less than 7 yrs ago and in that time he has managed to take a country that was in poor economic condition, a country that was weak and tired of wars, a country that had lost the respect of a significant part of the international community and single-handedly re-established its position as one of the most influential, prosperous and powerful countries in the world â€¦

Now, if he could just help the United States the same way he helped Iran.

Beer quotes:

"If all you had to look forward to was sleeping with Lady Bird you'd stay drunk too."
Lyndon B. Johnson

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Paul Horning

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
H. L. Mencken

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry

"Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!"
W. C. Fields

"Remember 'I' before 'E,' except in Budweiser."
Professor Irwin Corey

"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!"
Leo Durocher

Every once in a while I still receive one of these emails, or some version. Back in the day before email, they called these the Nigerian scam. Some con artist uses a ‘Nigerian’ bank to scam.

So, the last time I received the email, I responded with something close to this: Dear Sir or Madame, in order to assure that all in this case is entirely on the up & up, please place $5,000 in gold bullion in a FedEx package and ship it to me ASAP. Once I have verified that the gold is really real, I will consider interacting more.”

The fool actually responded to the above with:

“I know understand you.”

I responded with: “No Kidding Dick Tracy.”

OMG, just HOW did you get access to my E-Mail account?
I'm waiting breathlessly for my well deserved winnings from the U.N. and the FBI.
And after not paying my mortgage or car payment for 4 months so I could afford the small, multiple collectors fees, I really hope I get it today or tomorrow. (Kids are getting hungry)
Still waiting....waiting....waiting

I'm so LUCKY!

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So...I don't need to buy a Powerball ticket, because I already seem to have my fortune waiting for me....

So...I don't need to buy a Powerball ticket,
because I already seem to have my fortune waiting for me....