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The XMAS-Files
Email | 1996? | Unknown

Posted on 12/25/2015 6:28:48 PM PST by EveningStar

- We're too late! It's already been here.

- Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.

- Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care.

- You really think someone's been here?

- Someone or some THING.

- Mulder, over here - it's a fruitcake.

- Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.

- It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and nice."

- It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.

- Who? What are you talking about?

- Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.

- But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents to frighten children. Surely you don't believe it?

- Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive and in a hurry.

- It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been completely drained.

- It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.

- But why would they leave it milk and cookies?

- Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding.

- But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.

- Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.

- Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get down there.

- But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?

- You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?

- Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father.

- Impossible.

- I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW THAT I WANTED A MR. POTATO HEAD!

- I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the X-files.

- Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when you're awake.

- But we have no proof.

- Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a Condition Red.

- But that was a meteor shower.

- Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody - not even the zookeeper was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.

- Mulder, I --

- Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?

- On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter.

- The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; TV/Movies
KEYWORDS: thexfiles; xfiles

1 posted on 12/25/2015 6:28:48 PM PST by EveningStar
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To: EveningStar

Very cute. I used to enjoy the X-Files. At least the humorous ones.


2 posted on 12/25/2015 6:37:10 PM PST by Twotone (Truth is hate to those who hate truth.)
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To: EveningStar

Whoever did this has the characters speech patterns nailed.


3 posted on 12/25/2015 6:41:53 PM PST by Thurifer the Censer (If you can see the altar, there's not enough smoke)
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To: Thurifer the Censer

As you read it, did you hear it in Scully and Mulder’s voice ?


4 posted on 12/25/2015 7:01:42 PM PST by UCANSEE2 (Lost my tagline on Flight MH370. Sorry for the inconvenience.)
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To: UCANSEE2

Yup...Mulder’s breathless, wild eyed theories, Scully’s disbelieving, slightly sarcastic replies.

Perfect.


5 posted on 12/25/2015 7:18:58 PM PST by Salamander (It's your world, but it's my street....)
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To: EveningStar

LOL, well done.


6 posted on 12/25/2015 8:59:44 PM PST by Robert DeLong (u)
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To: Twotone

X FILES will return for a short visit
January 24. Marked X on the calendar awaiting 2016!!

YEAH !! Do hope to see substance and no hype. It will be either an extreme disappointment or not. Open mind but No One Is to be Trusted.


7 posted on 12/25/2015 9:47:13 PM PST by V K Lee (u TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP to TRIUMPH Follow the lead MAKE AMERICA GREAT)
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To: UCANSEE2

Yep :)


8 posted on 12/25/2015 10:05:45 PM PST by Thurifer the Censer (If you can see the altar, there's not enough smoke)
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