Posted on 05/12/2006 7:25:09 AM PDT by BJClinton
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
Think Larry Bird is more susceptible to Avian Flu?
Please please please someone tell me how to post a picture?
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.
It was addressed, "Dad" with the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion, dad - she's pregnant and Barbara assures me that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older than I am, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood enough for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we need.
In the meantime, we pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Barbara can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry, dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, John
P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at Billy's house. I just wanted to re mind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card which is in my desk drawer.
I love you!
PS: Call when it's safe for me to come home
WHOOOOP!
"Where did that dog go?"
Ping!
One night he goes out to a brothel.
Like a good union man, he asks the madam if it's a union shop.
"No", she says.
He says "Well, If I were to give you $100 how would you split it?"
The madam says "The girl would get $20 and the house gets $80".
"Pahh! " he says, and walks off to find another brothel.
He asks the next madam "Are you a union shop?"
"Oh, yes!" was the reply.
He says "Well, If I were to give you $100 how would you split it?"
The madam says "The girl would get $80 and the house gets $20".
That's more to his liking, so he gives her $100 and says "I'd like that pretty young blond girl right there", pointing to his choice.
The madam puts the money in her pocket, points to an 85-year old woman, and says to him: "I'm sure you would, but Ethel here has seniority."
Then you type in <img src="address of your photo">
That photo address would be something like http://12thmanfoundation.com/mag/Vol6/vol6no9/images/insideaggies2.jpg
I thought that one might get axed. But it was funny.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.