A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.
It was addressed, "Dad" with the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion, dad - she's pregnant and Barbara assures me that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older than I am, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood enough for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we need.
In the meantime, we pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Barbara can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry, dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, John
P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at Billy's house. I just wanted to re mind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card which is in my desk drawer.
I love you!
PS: Call when it's safe for me to come home
That's brilliant! Too bad I read about it 18 years too late.
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
______a Bloody Mary
______a Margarita
______a Scotch and soda
______a Martini
______a Vodka and Tonic
______a Steak
______Lobster or crab legs
______The remote control
______a Bowl of ice cream
______The sports page
______Chocolate
______Sex
it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.
Signature: _______________________
Date: _______________________
I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. (Sounds like my kind of Nursing Home.)