Dems Respond to Attempted Massacre of GOP Lawmakers [semi-satire]

This week's rifle assault by former Sanders for President volunteer James Hodgkinson on Republican members of congress practicing for the annual charity baseball game with their Democratic colleagues severely wounded House Majority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La) and injured several others. The assault had apparently been planned after the New York Times published the location of the GOP practice back in April.

Law enforcement authorities profess themselves baffled and unable to conceive of a motive for the attack. Hodgkinson's Internet post asserting "Trump is a Traitor. Trump Has Destroyed Our Democracy. It's Time To Destroy Trump & Co." and the fact that he was a member of "Terminate the Republican Party" Facebook Group was described by Acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe as "too ambiguous and vague to provide much of a clue."

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) blamed Republicans "for instigating the cycle of violence when they smeared President Bill Clinton for having sex with a White House intern. That a nation's ruler would have sexual liaisons with a variety of women is a time-honored tradition extending back to David and Bathsheba. More recently President Kennedy hooked up with many nubile young women. This right of rulers was disrespected by Republicans when they impeached our president for being a normal man."

"The cycle was reinvigorated when the GOP refused to support President Obama's transformation of the United States," Pelosi continued. "At virtually every turn they resisted him—claiming that his programs were unwise or too expensive. Then there was the misogynistic denial of Hillary Clinton's rightful claim to the presidency. We shouldn't be surprised that the GOP's racist, anti-progressive and sexist attitudes have spurred downtrodden individuals like Mr. Hodgkinson, who no doubt was upset by the injustice done to Secretary Clinton, to take desperate measures."

Malcolm Harris, who writes for The Washington Post called Hodgkinson's sniper attack "an act of self-defense. As Rep. Pelosi so aptly pointed out, the Republican health care bill will literally kill Americans. So they shouldn't be surprised if some of their intended victims try to preempt this threat. What saddens me is that Hodgkinson wasn't a better marksman."

In Nebraska, Chelsey Gentry-Tipton, chairwoman of the state Democratic Party's Black Caucus, found the shooting and its aftermath humorous, saying that "watching the congressman crying on live TV about the trauma they experienced—why is this so funny? I'm having a hard time feeling bad for them."

In related news, right-wing vandals in New York altered a freeway exit sign on Sagtikos Parkway changing it from "Crooked Hill Rd" to "Crooked Hillary." Governor Andrew Cuomo called the stunt "an ill-timed escalation of the tensions between the Republican Party and the rest of America. Instead of joining with Democrats to enact sensible gun-control they're taking this latest tragedy as an opportunity to insult a great American. This plumbs new depths of depravity from a segment of the political spectrum that has a sordid history of disrespect for manners and justice."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

Right-wing vandals cleverly altered a NY freeway exit sign changing it from "Crooked Hill Rd" to "Crooked Hillary." Reporters learned that local residents are busy organizing a county referendum to have the anti-Hillary sign permanently installed.

However, NY Governor Andrew Cuomo----said to be a 2020 presidential candidate---called the stunt "an ill-timed escalation of the tensions between the Republican Party and the rest of America. Instead of joining with Democrats to enact sensible gun-control they're taking this latest tragedy as an opportunity to insult a great American. This plumbs new depths of depravity from a segment of the political spectrum that has a sordid history of disrespect for manners and justice."

Gov Cuomo's live-in Sandra Lee---a gourmet chef---then invited reporters to a hot lunch of canned spaghetti-o's drenched in her special ketchup sauce and sides of boiled kale stems, and cheese toast made from day-old Wonder bread and canned aerosol cheese spread.

I wouldn’t put it past many Dummiecrats to try to rename some MLK Blvds in “honor” of Hodgkinson. Maybe I should keep my big mouth shut. Or some DU lurker may get more dumb ideas.

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