Posted on 11/15/2014 9:47:50 AM PST by John Semmens
MIT professor Jonathan Gruber, the boastful architect of Obamacare, apologized for what he termed “my indelicate phrasing in defense of the Affordable Care Act. I should never have publicly called American voters ‘stupid.’ I sincerely regret that I have been caught on tape using this kind of language.”
“However, this does not mean that the underlying concept behind this legislation was incorrect,” Gruber insisted. “The fact of the matter is that the average American isn’t fit to decide whether he needs health insurance or to choose a plan that is adequate for the collective well-being of society. Individuals left to themselves will selfishly choose what’s best for themselves alone. Overcoming this individualism is the responsibility of the government. The misrepresentation in the way the ACA was portrayed to voters was for their own good. For that, I make no apology.”
Gruber’s efforts to deceive did not go unrewarded. Between payments for his services made by the federal government and several state governments, Gruber has netted over a million dollars for his skillful obfuscation.
“Do you think concocting such an elaborate ruse was easy?” Gruber asked. “I see nothing wrong with those who have the vision, the talent, and the courage being adequately paid for the difficult task of overriding mass prejudices in order to enact unpopular, but necessary reforms in the way our society works.”
The negative fallout from the publicity surrounding Gruber’s contemptuous view of his fellow citizens sparked defensive maneuvers from the Administration. “The fact that Gruber received payments from the federal government doesn’t prove the we had any knowledge of what he was doing,” said Press Secretary Josh Earnest. “People should understand that their government spends billions of dollars everyday. A percentage of this huge outlay is going to be pure waste. I think it’s unreasonable to try to hold the President accountable for that.”
Earnest also wondered if “hypothetically speaking, is achieving a good outcome through dishonest means really such a bad thing? If it’s not morally wrong for parents to mislead their children about Santa Claus, why would it be wrong to trick the American people into accepting a new health care system for their own good?”
In related news, Drew Hammill, spokesperson for House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif), attempted to excuse her false denial of knowing Gruber by citing “her advanced age. When people get old they start to forget stuff. It’s been five years since then Speaker Pelosi used Gruber’s research and strategies to get the ACA passed in the House. And, if I may point out, at that time she candidly admitted to being ignorant of the contents of the bill. So I don’t think its fair to blame her now. For his public indiscretions.”
Outstanding, John! One of your best so far.
bump
Close enough......;’)
They’re making it too easy. The satire practically writes itself. Excellent writing. <^..^>
This administration is giving you waaaay too much material...
I love it but I don’t think it can be called satire anymore. It’s become simply paraphrasing.
Well done, John.
“...waaay too much material...”
The www.GruberTube.com domain is available for you on-tray pre-newers out there.
It would be a fine name for an information site which catalogs the growing list of political Grubergasms.
Or for a running government/news parody site.... perhaps including interview guest officials who switch... from promoting the moral goodness of central planning.... to spewing the ugly truth... instantly... when the Tosh-like green screen changes to appear they are among their own left-minded, more-equal pigs.
If the Republicans had any imagination or marketing or issue-leverage skills - at all - they would be on TV talking about giving Gruber a Snowden-style asylum where he can speak the secret truths of the evil matrix he once helped Dark Helmut inflict upon this stupid, stupid world.
Alice Cooper’s very old “Dead Babies” would be good into music to Gruber’s prior endorsement of the Maggie Sanger doctrine and the Planned No-Parenting-in-da-Hood goal. While DH’s giant vacuum sucks all the black kids off the planet.
Essentially, according to Gruber... the population in general is too stupid to choose the right ways to live healthy. And the black population is simply too stupid to live.
LOL!
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