Get informed! The Babylon Bee has published the definitive guide to ‘assault rifles’ [parody]

Twitchy ^ | November 6, 2019 | Sarah D

[DoodleBob]

With so much misinformation out there about so-called “assault rifles,” we really need someone who can clearly and concisely explain them. Enter the Babylon Bee:

Wow. This “assault weapons” stuff is actually not complicated at all!

[Deaf Smith]

The illustration is too technical.

[JamesP81]

I absolutely want an underbarrel chik-fil-a launcher.

[Equine1952]

Dang I’ve built 4 of those and never knew what all that stuff was. Heeheeheee.

[Viking2002]

Looks just like mine, except my Triangle of Death has another bumpy part there instead, and I have a bunch of Scary Black Things attached all over. Dangdest thing, though - I can’t find a Chick-Fil-A launcher for it to save my life.

[Daniel Ramsey]

They forgot the anti gay ray attachment.

[Lurkinanloomin]

Virginia is about to experience a huge increase in terrible boating accidents.

[Equine1952]

Hey yeah! I gotta get on the internet and order a sandwich flipper. Gosh I enjoy this. Most redneck fun, perkerwood humor, I’ve had this week.

[Extremely Extreme Extremist]

FU Twitchy. Why in the Hell are you starting to charge to read your articles? I ain't paying $89 to read National Enquirer-type articles.

[TigersEye]

I absolutely want an underbarrel chik-fil-a launcher.

If you get one I'll let you try it out on me.
I think it would take at least ten sammiches to bring me down.

[raybbr]

Didn’t cost me anything...

[BradyLS]

What about the Kill-R-Scope invented Lee Harvey Oswald that multiplies the effectiveness of the Death Triangle by a factor of a jillion? Where does that go? I’m thinking it’s built into the lunch box handle?

[BradyLS]

Be careful. Make friends with it’s trigger-brain first.

[Retain Mike]

In 1966 an acquaintance tried to talk me into buying an assault rifle with a bunch of 30 round magazines, because they were so cheap. I decided against the purchase. He may have thought they were cheap, but I could pay for a semester of books for what it cost. I had forgotten how much money I was concerned about until I saw a story in the American Rifleman that you could get a .30cal M-1 Carbine from CMP for $30 about that time. The magazines were used or aftermarket The acquaintance could take the rifle to school and show it to his friends at that time.

[TigersEye]

It’s the Triangle of Death that makes me shake in my boots!

[dayglored]

Here’s the original from Babylon Bee:

https://babylonbee.com/news/the-bee-explains-assault-rifles

[gogeo]

Perfect.

[seowulf]

Don’t ever get a rifle without a lunchbox handle.

That easy carry option makes all the difference.

[Bratch]

[Equine1952]

I’ve had two gerands. One that went through the armory and one that did not. Aniston armory did a great job getting them back up to great working condition. The CMP program was good, it’s been years since I got to be a fan and own an M1. Dad’s fault. 82nd airborne taught him the ins and outs in 1950. They are heavy, hard to load (unless you know a thing or two), will function about anywhere and attract tons of attention. Mine is very accurate and lots of fun to shoot. Made in 1942 at Springfield Armory mostly by women. The men that could were fighting for our freedom. RIP and Thanks to those that served.