Posted on 12/15/2016 5:17:00 AM PST by GreaterSwiss
My older sister who struggles financially has 3 kids, 5 years apart. I offered to pay my oldest niece's college bill if she went to a state school, FIT for marketing ($4k/yr). Instead she went to Hofstra ($25k/yr) for a degree in theater with loans for the parents & niece so I stepped aside. Now that she graduated, she's not applying for jobs (she has a minor in writing, so assuming that would be key)! She works at a department store for $10/hr part-time while her parents struggle to pay back their portion of her loans ($1000/month). At least she gives them 1/2 toward it.
It took my sister's begging for the niece to go she the career advisor this Dec (after graduation). The advice was come to a career recruitment fair (I personally found them useless in college) in Feb. But she will be almost a year out of school at that point.
I believe the right step for her is to at least apply for internships to get experience (since she it working p/t).
My sister made her bed signing for the loans. My niece can do what she wants. But my concern is the other 2 kids after her who may not be able to go to the schools they want because of their older sister. I realize as their uncle there's not much I can do, but any advice is appreciated.
I have been texting my niece begging her to apply for jobs but not sure what else can be done.
For starters, marry her off.
If you have the inclination and the wherewithal, help the two younger kids. It sounds to me like your oldest niece needs to experience some hard consequences of her actions before she’ll get any sense. Talking to her isn’t going to do much good. The lessons that sink in are the hard ones.
She needs a swift kick in the ass. Likewise any moron who co-signed the loans.
If you're able to help the other two kids when they are of age, do so if and ONLY if they get a usable degree. This one, though ... she's her own worst enemy and trying to 'help' her now only delays the inevitable reckoning.
The best thing you can do is to stay out of the way financially until she grows up. I avoid money discussions with kids who are not ready to listen and just interact as the supportive uncle/cousin.
When they are ready to listen, I point out the difference between supporting yourself or your family and self-actualization, and the practical side of that balance. It is a whole lot easier to be a part-time writer (a category that includes 95% plus of all “writers”) if you have a job paying enough to live comfortably. Trying to write when you are deciding whether to set the heat in your home at 45 or 50 degrees to save money is not as productive as one might hope. As for money to the other kids, I would go with your original offer: if they are learning a trade (whether marketing, accounting, engineering, nursing, or whatever that is employable and pays), I’d approve of doing what you offered for the first child. Otherwise, I’d stay out of the way.
You can hella your sister if she needs it. But you don’t need to do anything for the daughter
Working part time in a department store does not require an expensive college degree.
You can help your sister if she needs it. But you don’t need to do anything for the daughter.
(Auto correct is a batch). :-)
Sending her to a Dave Ramsey class to understand the numbers of this situation.
In order to have a theater career of any sort is to either go to a famous acting school or a college/university that is known for its theater department. And then to develop those skills through constant auditioning and study. I’m not sure that Hofstra, while once a very good school, is noted for its theater dept.
Has she thought of temping in NYC? I worked for the Today Show as a youth. A job I got through temping. Of course, times change, and maybe that’s no longer a way to get a good job.
I have a niece with the same problem - paid through the nose for a degree with no job at the end. She is now an assistant to a kindergarten teacher. At least it pays.
Sounds like your niece needs a tour in the military.
Walk away from it. It’s a no win for all involved. We did essentially the same thing for a niece 15 years ago with pretty much the same outcome. Poster who said marry her off was right on target.
They have to find themselves. You’re only going to generate resentment.
Think up a story and pitch it to her to write. Pay her for it when it’s professionally completed.
60 page short stories or 30 page screenplays. If you can push the screen plays to 60 pages or 120 pages that’s good. Each page represents about 1 minute of video time.
Slap you name on the copyright and submit them for her.
Give yourself a break. You can only offer to help. If the person doesn’t take its not your problem.
Otherwise, some people have to learn the hard way.
At least she’s not on drugs.
Back off. Get a hobby.
You can’t push a rope.
Good advice.
It’s a cold cruel world, better she learn it now.
You offered, that’s all you could do. If you have to ask Freeps, it’s better she learn quickly....
I will give this some thought, but in the meantime I'll offer two immediate suggestions:
1. I agree with the prior poster who said any help you want to offer should be focused on the two younger ones.
2. Take this situation and publicize it far and wide. Your niece is Exhibit A in the case against letting a prospective college student make decisions with such enormous financial implications without having a long-term plan in place. Her mother is Exhibit A in the case against co-signing loans to take on your child's financial obligations.
No offense, but I suspect this niece of yours has been having her way for her entire life, and your sister has been an enabler for her all along.
If you ever want borrow to help finance your child or grandchild’s education, take out an ordinary bank loan. If disaster strikes (e.g. catastrophic illness or disability), you can deal with a private lender. A student loan will follow you to the grave.
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