Posted on 08/19/2016 7:38:14 AM PDT by gigster
I was at my local Rexall Drugstore shipping out a package from UPS when I went outside and walked around the corner, my left foot shot out from under me almost over my head. After regaining my balance, I looked back and there was a Banana peel on the sidewalk behind me with a skid-mark underneath it.
Oh man, the memories keep coming in...
Riding in a HMMWV in a motor pool, maybe 10 MPH, not bothering with a seat belt because of not leaving the lot...
Driver turned a sharp left — at my direction —
I slid out of the seat and fortunately started running immediately —
Played it off like I’d done it on purpose.
I was passing a semi on the interstate (doing 89 I’m sure), when the semi moved into my lane to pass ANOTHER semi. I did some wild fishtailing in the median, got it under control, and pulled back onto the highway in front of the offending semi.
Another time, I took my brand new bike down the brand new sidewalk built in front of the brand new high school building. Cranking it up into high gear, doing, I dunno, 30-35ish? I was PUMPING it! I suddenly saw the stairs I new nothing about. I flew over the stairs, no longer in control but merely hanging on. I cleared the steps, the lower sidewalk, curb, bounced ONCE on the road, went down the embankment, hit a railroad tie and flew over the handlebars landing on my back in the big gravel parking lot. My back was tore up pretty well, but my front wheel on my bike was bent into a heart shape. I parked it at a friends house (never saw it again), and walked 4.5 miles home.
I once roller skated off of a cliff while wearing a pair of ACME atomic powered roller skates.
‘zackly.
OMG. I had forgotten about that. I am going to buy that movie this weekend. I have to own it...:)
You shoulda covered your head with the pizza box while you waited!
A buddy and I had some spare change in the high school cafeteria and they had this jukebox, so ...
We queued up Taco’s “Puttin on the Ritz” just before we left one lunchtime.
We weren’t very popular for a while afterwards. Then again, we weren’t terribly popular to start with.
I guess the closest I ever really got was with a bicycle, we had a small ‘hill’ (about 3 feet) to the side of our driveway, and my brother and I set a wood plank up against it to make a ramp. I got a good start and hit that thing a about as fast as I could ride, and came *this* close to hitting the apple tree on the other side of the yard.
This cemented in my youthful education that gravity is a harsh mistress and not to be trifled with.
Hilarious!
While living in the same apartment. Was cooking out on the grill on the balcony, which you access thru a sliding glass door from the kitchen which I would close everytime I went out to keep the smoke and bugs out. Well, several beverages later, while retrieving my steak from the grill I turned around and walked face first straight in to the sliding glass door. About knocked myself out and dropped my steak on the ground. Can't believe the glass didn't break as hard as I hit it.... There was a person downstairs across the way who watched the whole thing and shouted "Are you alright?" afterwards. I just waved and slunk back inside to make an icepack for my face......
There is a Holiday Inn in Baton Rouge that has a huge glass wall in the lobby with a swimming pool that is half inside, half outside, (you swim under the glass). I wanted to go outside and walked straight into the wall so hard that I fell down flat on my back, with concerned employees running up to me. Boy, that was embarassing.
There’s that mean Mr. Gravity again.
I had a buddy who lived with his wife north of San Diego in a beautiful place named Rancho Bernardo who had a 1986 Mustang GT convertible. He asked if I would be willing to help him install a new convertible top on his car, so I agreed and flew out there to help him as I am an automotive restoration specialist experienced in many operations of that sort. After burning up my whole 1 week of vacation traveling to auto parts stores and Home Depot I thought we were ready to put the top through it’s paces with only 2 hours to spare before my flight left for Detroit. There must’ve been a screw intruding into the rear window well as he put the top down for the very first time. I watched in horror as the frame twisted and the back light shattered into hundreds of pieces as my buddy sat in the driver’s seat wondering what the hell just happened. I was mortified.
A cab over truck cab came down on me while I was working on the engine....I lived and only had some minor bruises.
The fact that I was not dead was the cartoon part.
That was probably the luckiest day of my life.
When I was around twelve I was showing the neighbor kids my prowness in jumping from a tree to another tree several feet away and grabbing a branch. Like Tarzan. I had accomplished this feat several times before...when the branch was dry. THIS time the top of the branch was wet. I grabbed it, went horizontal, lost my grip and fell 6 or 7 feet. landed flat on my back and only heard ringing and buzzing. If I could see myself from outside I’m sure there we’re little stars buzzing around my head.
I spent a lot years training horses and took a lot of spills but found the most dangerous place to be my kitchen last month. A chandelier that had been hanging for years fell on my head leaving a paramid dent. I had to drive 30 miles to the clinic with my hand holding a rag on my head.
Was at the rifle range with my 30-year-old son. A few years earlier I had a BAD retinal detachment which killed my left eye’s peripheral vision from 270-330 degrees.
We were walking back from checking the targets, he was on my right side and I turned to talk to him. Ran right into a vertical steel support beam. The cartoons are correct when they say “BONG!”.
My boy started to crack up and then quickly morphed into a face of concern. I was pist at my clumsiness, but could see the humor in it. To this day I still collide with people in the stores, but am OK on the road as I am hyper-sensitive to the situation.
I had something similar happen when I was a kid with a motorcycle and a rabbit. I just tell people I was dodging a bear.
Not anymore.
That made me really laugh out loud. But glad you were (mostly) ok!
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