If nothing else, she just made sure she will be going to a terrible nursing home when she gets old, courtesy of her children.
Most of the time, it shouldn’t even be an issue.
I’ve heard this advice from professionals but they say the marriage comes first.
That is kinda strange approach. You can always replace a husband or wife if things go wrong. Children are always part of you.
Makes sense ... sort'a
I believe in this principle. In the case of a blended family this becomes much more difficult to figure out.
You are right, but it shouldn't be...
My wife and I raised six children...all adults now...five married and eight grandchildren...
When I said my marriage vows before God and man, I meant it..."till death do us part" except for adultery or abuse
Our children was taught at a very early age "they were not the center of the universe"... their needs and wants take a secondary role to the greater good of the family...
Mom and Dad were there to raise them into decent, loving, caring human beings...putting their every whim and need above all other things including each other certainly would not achieve that goal...
We have lost an entire generation of children to lead selfish, demanding lives to stupid inane parenting skills taught be idiots I would not allow to watch my dog let alone take their moronic advice...
I’m assuming a Christian would simply understand that God comes first, but that she’s focused on a particular topic of family. I agree that the leadership team (husband/wife) should be strongly united. The ‘followership’ team should realize the leadership team is inseparably bonded.
Parents who cling to their children end up with children who cannot cleave unto their own spouses. It is impossible to be married to a man who cannot leave his mother and father.
Disagree 100%.Of course one’s spouse must always be *very* important on those rare occasions when one *must* choose between spouse and child (and how often do choices like that *really* occur?) the choice must be for the *child’s* best interests.If we were on the Titanic and my wife had to choose if I,or our daughter,would get the last seat on the lifeboat I *know* she would choose,and would *urge* that she choose,our daughter.And if I was forced to make the same decision *I* would choose our daughter.
We teach them Latin before Greek.
The best thing you can do for your children is raise them in a home where the marriage is rock-solid and loving.
And that said, there are trade-offs and compromises and optimizing and multi-tasking and differentiating between need and want, all along the way, and sometimes the child’s needs come first.
If you carry it off with enough grace, your children won’t even know mom was putting dad first. And sometimes, there are circumstances and difficulties when all the grace there is - a gravely sick or special needs child - changes the family priorities, and that child’s needs do come first.
(BTW, I do wonder about those vacations for just husband and wife. Nice if you can get them, but if you have too many children, or a child with exacting special needs, it’s not happening.)
In my most humble opinion, I find the article “childish”. It is like saying, “She loves me most”. Children need a Mom and Dad. They benefit greatly from a set of parents who are happy. That being said, they also benefit from being a member of a family. The article stated the author and husband vacation together and leave the kids. Why? Are your kids that much of a drag?
Why can’t an article now and again discuss how to have a happy, wonderful marriage and family? Oh.. I know why. It involves a faith, work, sacrifice and communication. It involves a husband and wife staying on the same page and if there is a disagreement... coming together for a solution. I can say the best times of my life weren’t with just my husband or my kids but all of us together.
“I’m sure this won’t be at all controversial.”
I’m not much for the mainstream media talking about parenting, as it’s a topic that generally DISGUSTS liberals, but they have a point here.
My kids used (and use) flip phones - THAT IS IT. My wife, of course, has a real phone (like an Android or I-Phone). She gets the real phone because she’s an equal - if I wanted a real phone, she would support me too. My kids are not equal, their opinion on the matter DOES NOT COUNT. I’m sure they’d support me having a real phone too, if they too could get a real phone, but that doesn’t matter. We (wife and I) simply set the rules for them. When they have a well-paying job, THEN they can get a real phone. They DO NOT run things in this house.
As to our future relationship with them, I have no fears, our job is to PROTECT and nurture them and this is one way we do it. Our oldest, who has a great job by the way and now has a real phone, is VERY HAPPY to have been able to concentrate on school work, rather than Facebook. Now he has time for Facebook, video games, or whatever else he wants to do. Of course when he visits us, he still under orders to work on the cars, do plumbing and electrical repairs, etc. But otherwise, he can do as he pleases and he has NO REGRETS regarding his childhood - and he NEVER came first, not in our house.
Total lack of finesse in this article.
It’s like your kids arguing over who is moms (or dads favorite). There isn’t one, and they know it. Same difference here...if, as a spouse OR parent you love unconditionally BUT use skills of discernment and common sense, everything will turn out fine. A sense of humor helps as well.
The tone of this article I find follows the dribble (in the news recently) of the new mom (just had her second baby) GUSHING how much she loved her toddler and how “hard” it is to love baby 2.0 as much because she had so much time (3 years!) to bond w/número uno. Hopefully in adulthood Baby2.0 can lead the rest to a good mental health practitioner.
When absolutes are decreed (the first year of our marriage was hardest because we had a newborn too!) I wonder how this couple can w/future difficulties. Lack of sleep and learning to budget and live together—granted not easy, but loss of health, or income, profound.
I find these types of articles more attention grabbers/resume builders/talk show “expert” guest list builders for the author than of any real benefit...but hey, your mileage may vary.
Thank you to everyone who has responded to this thread. I have not contributed as I am here to learn.
Not new. My Mom catered to my Dad always. She basically said Dad goes to work and brings home the bacon and he gets what he wants for dinner. Deal with it. That’s just one example. I always thought that was fair.
If you can't cut loose of your kids by the time they reach the age of adulthood, then you haven't done your job properly as a parent.
Now I'm not saying you can't have your adult kids home for Christmas and that you can't babysit your grandchildren once in a while. But this culture of "my kids are more important than anything else" is the root of perpetual adolescence among adults today. Kids need to eventually grow up and be on their own.
When my own sons were teenagers, I used to say to them that I'd be embarrassed if they spent their prime adult years living in my basement because they could not or would not go live their own lives. I was seen as cruel for saying that by my in-laws and others, but guess what? Both my sons are in their mid-20s today and doing extremely well for themselves. My wife and I have moved out of state and left them behind in the area we raised them in. We only see them several times a year. We look forward to those infrequent visits and marvel at the way they have been able to make their own lives on their own terms when so many of their peers are still sitting in their parent's homes playing video games and working dead-end jobs with no good prospects.
So, our marriage has come full circle and yes, the both of us have put each other first in order so that our children can be free to make their own lives in the way that they see fit.
The best way to care for and love children is to love and commit fully to one’s spouse.