Posted on 02/25/2015 11:51:49 PM PST by Slings and Arrows
Got a plan for what you’d do if a zombie outbreak led to the total collapse of civilisation?
Bad news – you are almost certainly doing it wrong.
Simply hiding inside buildings – or God forbid, running around smashing in zombie skulls with a baseball bat – is a terrible idea, Cornell University researchers revealed after running the first ‘complete’ mathematical simulation.
The best way to survive is actually to run for country areas – in particular sparsely populated mountains (the researchers give the example of the Rockies, but the Cairngorms ought to do it).
By all means ignore the hordes of the undead and watch CNN The Cornell team ran a simulation on a real map of America, with 300 million people, using techniques used to model real epidemics.
‘At their heart, the simulations are akin to modeling chemical reactions taking place between different elements and, in this case, we have four states a person can be in—human, infected, zombie, or dead zombie—with approximately 300 million people,’ says Cornell’s Alex Alemi.
‘Given the dynamics of the disease, once the zombies invade more sparsely populated areas, the whole outbreak slows down—there are fewerhumans to bite, so you start creating zombies at a slower rate,’ he says – recommending that people should head for nearby mountains if there actually is a zombie outbreak.
It is very unlikely that the dead will return from their graves to devour the flesh of the living – but you may be surprised to learn that official plans have been prepared just in case.
The U.S. Centres for Disease Control and, more bizarrely, Bristol City Council, provide advice with dealing with reanimated corpses.
Buy handcuffs and a stun gun
We don’t have guns in the UK, so Bristol City Council recommends improvising weapons to deal with both the infected and the undead.
Stock up on supplies
America’s Centres of Disease Control suggest zombie outbreaks are much like any other pandemic – so ‘waiting out’ periods of acute infection, with a big stock of supplies, is a good strategy.
Wait for the government to find a cure
According to CDC plans, they ‘would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak’ if ‘zombies did start roaming the streets’.
Buy a protective suit
Buying an Ebola-style protective suit is a good idea, Bristol’s City Council suggests .
Isolate your family somewhere safe
America’s Centre for Disease Control director Dr Ali Khan notes: “If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack.”
The Gov says to stock up, but then mocks those who do.
They’ll stop laughing when the zombies show up.
I like that pic. Outstanding depiction.
Ask Bruce.
Skip all that.
I’m going medieval... “Get the Gimp...”
LOL
Aw gawd. He was hilarious as Sam Axe too...
I prefer boom-sticks, but to each his own.
The graveyard always votes for the Dem.
IMO, zombie defense is a matter of quantity more than quality.
Medieval is my sick version of quantity for the sake of quality.
It’s cornell saying this, not the govt.
Bruce is great as everything. The iconic B-actor of the Baby Boom Generation. It’s remarkable how far you can go if you don’t take yourself too seriously.
so this is the responses LOL
Buy handcuffs and a stun gun
look that maybe how libs meet their ‘life partners’ but i can assure you all zombies dont care about ‘50 shades of gray’ handcuffs and stun guns. no here is what you need, pistols and lots of ammo, shotguns and lots of ammo, mid range rifle (ar,ak) and lots of ammo, and long range 3.06 or 3.08 and lots of ammo IMHO. a group who know their weapons and know survival techniques. also emphasis for lots of ammo, and food and clean water. for super close range get your katana, blade weapons, spears and a good crossbow for quiet work. emphasis on lots of ammo. the films or rather i should say to us zombie heads call them, the DOCUMENTARIES, tell you all you need to know...and i quote loosely from the 2004 remake of the dawn of the dead documentary..i have 20 of these pussy 9mm rounds and 17 of the glorious .357 rounds. personally i think anything is better that nothing
Stock up on supplies
yes always a good idea
Wait for the government to find a cure
BAWHAHAHHAHA er, no, but good luck with that. they are dead...no cure for that. its a virus, no cure for that...go ask the common cold how the govt is getting on with that, what obamacare will sort it out. hahahahahaha
Buy a protective suit
okayyyyy, just make sure its interwoven with kevlar or bite proof threads
Isolate your family somewhere safe
yes because libs who have lived in a city where their idea of a nightmare is lining up for double decaf frappichino will know what to do in the countryside. i would guess they last 1 to 2 nights tops and my best guess is they die of exposure and reanimate causing more issues. do people have any fricken idea how difficult it is to survive outdoors for any period of time. also if 300 million people move to the countrside, it wont be sparse for long and its like creating a huge snack and buffet table for zombies, dragging them out of the cities.
and spare me the guns are loud excuse. if you have to use weapons you are in the crapper anyways you need to blow a hole to escape. leading me to the vehicles you need...but thats another thread....
Buckshot is excellent punctuation.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.